In the Light of Day
by Belial
Summary: There's something different about Spike. B/S.
1. Talking to the dead

AN: Set a week or so after Joyce's funeral, I hadn't seen any more than that when I started writing this __

Set a week or so after Joyce's funeral, I hadn't seen any more than that when I started writing this. I tried to start a bit angsty, but I'm trying to lighten up, I really am. Heading toward a B/S relationship, but it might take a while. 

None of the BtVS characters or concepts belong to me, but we all know that. Full credit where it's due please people.

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Chapter 1: Talking to the Dead

Spike lay on the grass beside Joyce's grave, just looking up at the stars. There was something comforting about this spot, sometimes talking to her, sometimes not. He didn't feel that he was being stupid or sentimental or anything like that, talking to a dead person. He was dead himself (in a way), so he figured that somewhere, Joyce might be able to hear him. And she was a good listener. She would even treat him decent when she was alive. 

Spike felt something special for Joyce. It wasn't just an 'I want to shag your daughter so I'll get on your good side' sort of thing either. She was a nice lady, and even when he wasn't all chipped up he had had no desire to hurt her. Not even when Buffy was at her best at pissing him off and ruining his unlife.

Which was what she was doing recently. Not really pissing him off, because he enjoyed it when they fought, but he hadn't even been able to see her in the past weeks. The only time she was out at night was when she was patrolling, and he knew better than to run into her then. He still trailed her, but at a very safe distance, so he couldn't even get close enough to get a good look at her. This, and the fact that it looked like she would never give him that reinvite, all led up to a very frustrated and depressed Spike, and he'd gone to Joyce's grave to get some of it off his chest.

He lay there for a while, just organising his thoughts, totally unaware that he was being watched. "You know," he began, "life isn't fair. Look at us, Joyce. We're both dead, but you're not here any more. I am. Where's the bloody sense in all of it? But I reckon that you're probably happier where you are than I am down here. Your sodding daughter is ruining my life. I love her with everything that I am, and it's killing me. I never knew anything could hurt this much. Not even Dru leavin' me hurt this much. It's tearing me apart that she won't let me see her."

Spike paused for a moment before continuing. "She doesn't think I'm capable of being in love, you know. Just because I don't have a bleedin' soul like my ponce of a sire. She thinks that what I feel for her is just some sick obsession, and I reckon it scares her a bit. But I'm telling you Joyce, I know what love feels like. This is more than obsession. I love her more than I could if I had a soul. She fills the parts of me that losing my soul left empty. You can't call that obsession. She's a part of me now.

"I think I actually worked out why I'm in love with her. Took me the longest time, you know. I reckon it's because she's everything I lost when I was turned. She's everything I thought I didn't want, and now I've found out that she's everything that I really need." Spike laughed at himself. "How stupid does that sound? I guess we're the perfect example of that whole 'opposites attract' theory. Well, I am, anyway. She bloody hates my guts. Only reason she hasn't staked me yet is that she's too good of a person. She lets her heart rule her decisions. And that's something that I love about her. She won't stake me because I can't hurt people at the moment, but she forgets about all the people I've killed in the past. Surely she should just stake me for all them and bloody well get it over with. God knows I'd deserve it. She should put me out of my damn misery."

Spike fell silent for a few minutes, thinking. "You know, I haven't told anyone this, and I won't, but for some reason it just seems right that I should tell you. You remember that chip those soldier boys put in my head? Well, I reckon that it's passed it's warranty or somethin'. Cause when Buffy pulled that deinvite spell on me, I got so damn depressed that I went out and got totally smashed. And let me tell you, for a vampire, that's an achievement. Takes an awful lot of booze. Anyhow, some guy was really giving me the shits for some reason. So I just walked up to him and clocked him one, right in the nose. Hell, I figured the pain I got in my head would at least take my mind off my non-existent love life. But nothing happened. Well, I broke the fella's nose, but other than that, nothing. Sobered me up straight away, a shock like that. Not getting any pain, and that."

Spike turned his head so he was looking at the grave. "Now, I know what you're thinking luv, and it's not like that. I still haven't killed anyone. I don't want to. And it's not just that the Slayer would stake me good and proper, neither. I haven't killed a human for about two years now, and I'm not really missing it all that much. Last time I fed on a human was when Dru came back for me, and I was actually sick afterwards. Can you imagine that?" Spike looked up toward the stars again. "Me, the big bad, retching my guts out after biting someone. Come on, that's just sad. 

"I'm pathetic, Joyce. And I can see myself for it. I'm not a complete idiot. I'm meant to be this big bad evil master vampire, and I'm depressed because the slayer and her bloody scoobies don't want anything to do with me. And I don't even have a leash on any more. I should be out racking up my kills, making up for lost time, being the big bad again an' all that. Reaffirming myself in the demon world, you know? And what am I doing? I'm sitting here whining to the slayer's mother that I don't have any bloody friends. 

"I hate what I've become, but I hate what I was. There's no middle ground for me. It's either being the big bad, or trailing after the slayer like the love-sick puppy I must look like. No wonder they all laugh at me. I know I can never go back to being what I was, and I don't want to. Even when I was the bad guy I never really tried that hard. I bloody helped Buffy save the world from Angelus. Well, sort of. All I did was get Dru out of the way so she could deal with Angelus. But that's something, right? I mean, I didn't even bloody like Buffy at that stage.

"I do now, I really, really do, but she trusts me even less than she did then. She'll never trust me, and she'll never love me. I know that. I just wish I didn't. Do you know what it feels like to know that the one person you love in the entire world, hates you with an unbelievable passion and thinks that you're the scum of the earth? It's the worst bloody feeling I've ever had. It make me hate myself, and I can understand why she hates me.

"I'd go and try and get my soul back if I thought it would do any good. I don't think I need it any more. I'm willing to be one of the bleedin' good guys now, even without that sodding chip, and even if I know that Buffy will never want me. What else would a soul do for me? Make me angst-guy by making me feel guilty for what I've done over the past two hundred years? Well, bloody newsflash. I already feel bad. I've seen first hand now what losing someone close to you does to someone, and I don't want to be the cause of that any more. 

"Oh bloody hell! I'm sorry Joyce, but I'm getting even more pathetic than my bleedin' sire. I have to stop this. I can't do it any more. I can't live between two worlds and pretend that everything is okay, when I don't have a sodding thing to live for. Sure, I love Buffy, with everything I have and more besides, but that's not enough. It's too hard to have her hate me. I have to get out of this somehow."

A sudden thought occurred to Spike as he realised that it was close to sunrise. He fell silent and considered the idea he'd just come up with. It wasn't exactly a good plan, but he felt it was better than being the pathetic wretch he'd become. "Joyce," he began, "Do you think, maybe, if I let myself die, it might be good enough to get me to where you are? I know I'm definitely no saint, but if I kill myself, I'll kill the demon in me. Surely renouncing myself is good enough to maybe keep me out of hell? I mean, I'd survive hell, cause I'm a bloody demon, but I'd rather be able to talk to you some more."

Spike sighed. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer, and he looked over to the east where the sky was just beginning to lighten. 'Maybe I'll find out in a minute,' he thought to himself. 'Just a few minutes.' Spike lay with his eyes shut, remembering some of the more enjoyable things in his unlife. Most of them involved the slayer in some way. Spying on her, fighting with her, and that one day when he'd been allowed to kiss her and hold her in his arms. 'Red's spell was the best thing that lot ever did for me,' he thought with a smirk. 'Pity I didn't enjoy it more when I had the chance.'

Spike opened his eyes to see the sun rising, and sat up to take one last look around him. He might miss this world, but even hell would be better than the torment of his current existence. He lay down again, cushioned his head with his arms, closed his eyes, and let the sunlight wash over him.

****

End Chapter 1


	2. Trust

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Chapter 2: Trust

Buffy hadn't realized that it was so close to sunrise. She had been sitting behind a statue listen to Spike rant longer than she had expected. 'What's he doing?' she thought. 'He can't have been serious? He's not really going to kill himself is he? That moron, it's just like him, make me feel all guilty that he went and killed himself…' Buffy continued abusing Spike in her head, not noticing the sun rising higher and higher. 

"Right," Buffy muttered, "he's not getting out of it that easily. I'm gonna…" she trailed off as she turned to look at Spike, just in time to see the rays of the morning sun wash directly over him.

--------------

Buffy raced over to Spike and hauled him onto his feet, intending to drag him over to the shade of a nearby tree in a desperate effort to get him out of the sun in time. She expected Spike to try and resist, so when he didn't, she overbalanced and dropped him again, and landed herself flat on her butt. 

Spike hadn't realized that there was anyone nearby. So he was really surprised when someone grabbed him by the collar and tried to lift him up. He was even more surprised when they dropped him again and he landed flat on his face.

"Bloody hell." He muttered to himself as he stood up and brushed himself off. "Can't a vampire even kill himself in peace in this town…" Spike stopped when he noticed who it was that had grabbed him. "Slayer? What are you doing here."

Buffy was still sitting on the ground where she had fallen, looking up at Spike. 'He looks even better in daylight.' She thought. 'Waitaminnute…. DAYLIGHT?!' Buffy was thoroughly confused and beginning to get a little panicky. 'Daylight… Spike… alive…'

"What the hell?" she burst out as she jumped to her feet. "Spike, what in the hell's going on here? Why… why are you… why aren't you…" 

Spike was a little pissed at having his brilliant suicide ruined, but he was also concerned. The way the slayer was looking at him… what was wrong with her? "Why aren't I what, pet?" he asked. There was something going on that he couldn't figure out. He could tell that she hadn't gotten any sleep, but for some reason Buffy looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her. The way the sunlight accented her face… 'What? Sunlight? What the hell?' 

--------------

Buffy and Spike stood completely still, shocked into immobility as they stared at each other in the morning sunlight. Buffy was the first to recover, and she grabbed Spike and hauled him under the shade of a nearby tree, unsure how long his sudden resistance to sunlight was going to last. 

"Spike, what the hell's going on?" she hissed. Spike didn't answer, he was still staring out into the now well lit cemetery, unable to clearly process anything. Buffy tried talking to him a few more times, and then gave up in exasperation, and did what she normally did when she wanted his attention. She punched him. 

Spike came out of it as he was knocked to the ground. He was unclear on the details, but he wasn't dead, and the slayer had just tried to save his life. He got to his feet and looked at Buffy. "What just happened luv?"

"That's what I was going to ask you." Replied Buffy. "You were in direct sunlight. Why aren't you dead?"

"I've got no idea," said Spike. "And you really don't have to sound so sodding disappointed either. I'm sorry I let you down again. I can't even bloody kill myself right enough for you."

Buffy was stunned by the hurt in his voice. "I didn't say I wanted you to be dead Spike. But you're not, and you should be. I mean, you're a vampire. Sunlight kills vampires. So, you should be dead, and you're not. I think that's got to be the most extreme case of denying your heritage I've ever seen." She gave a short laugh, but relented when Spike gave her a sour look. "Why were you trying to kill yourself anyway?" she asked. She'd heard what he'd said to himself, or to her mother, but she wanted to see what he'd say to her.

"Cause I'm sick of being a bloody demon, pet. I'm sick of being hated by the demon world, and I'm sick of being hated by you. I don't fit anywhere, at least on this earth, so I figured I might as well get out of it. Maybe see your mother again, or my family. Anything's got to be better than being the sodding pathetic freak I've become here."

Buffy stared at him, amazed that he'd been truthful to her, and shocked at the depth of hate he had for himself. She had never known that he felt this way until tonight. Hearing Spike confessing to her mother had cleared up a lot of the doubts that she had had about him and his willingness to be one of the 'good guys'. "Spike, you're not pathetic." Said Buffy quietly, almost embarrassed that she was trying to be nice to him. "You've been helping us, and that's a good thing. It makes you less pathetic." Buffy smiled. "Think about it. Any other 'big bad' with a chip wouldn't have come to us. Angelus probably would have gotten someone to tear his head open and go rummaging around in his brain to get it out."

Spike laughed, and Buffy suppressed the twinge of guilt she still felt whenever she thought about what Angel had become. "The point is, you didn't just lie there and take it. You've adapted. You've made something of yourself. Now you're on our side, and I don't think that's at all pathetic." 

Spike managed to smile. After all, this was the slayer being nice to him. But the depression that had settled in his unbeating heart wasn't that easy to shake off. "But I'm meant to be a vampire, pet." He said, rejecting her argument. "Vampires don't usually just swap sides. I'm a turncoat. I'm the thing everybody hates, and nobody trusts." 

Buffy reached out and lifted Spike's head so he was looking her in the eyes. "I trust you, Spike."

"What?"

"I said I trust you."

Spike let out a short bark of laughter. "Since when Slayer? What happened to 'I want you out of my life, I want you off this planet'? You don't trust me, you'd just feel guilty if I killed myself."

Buffy was shocked at his bitterness. She'd been listening to him ranting all night, but she hadn't realised that he valued what she thought of him that highly. She took a deep breath, beating down the reflex to be mean to him. "Spike, I do trust you. I didn't, before. I didn't trust you because I thought that you were only going to help us as long as you have that chip in your head. I thought you were only helping us to get you're nightly dose of violence. You never told me that you actually wanted to be on our side." Buffy deliberately avoided mentioning that she'd heard him saying his chip didn't work any more. She didn't want him to know she'd overheard what was meant to be a private conversation, something he probably hadn't wanted her to hear.

He looked at her, and Buffy could literally see the hope in his eyes. "Do you mean it, luv?" he asked. "Cause I won't be able to take it if you don't. You don't need to like me or nothing, but you mean it? You'll trust me?" Spike could hear the pleading in his voice, knew that he really was getting to the pathetic side of things now, but he couldn't help it. If Buffy trusted him, then he finally had a purpose again. He was on a _side_. 

"I mean it Spike." Buffy smiled. "Now there's just one other thing." She paused, and looked at him with a glare that she usually reserved for when she threatened to stake him. "You. Sunlight. Alive… well, sort of. Why, how, since when?" Spike just shrugged. "You've got no idea?" Buffy asked. 

Spike shook his head. "Not a clue, Slayer. Delayed reaction?" He walked over to the edge of the shade they were under, and stuck his hand out into the sunlight. He left it there for about a minute, turning it over, looking at it, waiting for it to burst into flame. He pulled it back and looked at Buffy, who just raised her eyebrows. "Guess not."

"Do you think you'd survive a walk to the Magic Box?" asked Buffy. "Put your newfound UV resistance to the test? I think this is turning into research territory. You always manage to make life difficult for us Spike." She smiled, showing him that she didn't really mean it. "Come on, let's go see Giles."

Spike winced as Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him into the full sunlight, still almost expecting to turn to dust. Once they were out of the cemetery, he broke into a run, deciding that he didn't want to test his luck for too long. Buffy caught on to what he was thinking, and laughed as tried to catch up to him. Spike, however, was running at full vampire 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die' speed, so she had only just managed to get within tagging distance of him by the time they reached the door to the magic shop. 

****

End Chapter 2


	3. Confusion

AN: Thanks for all the reviews

_Thanks for all the reviews. I'm kind of taking a lot of liberties with vampire lore in this chapter, and I'll be taking more later on, but nothing too extreme. And BTW, I apologize for any spelling mistakes or bad grammar that I missed. And again, I don't own any of the characters._

**Chapter 3: Confusion**

Giles was sorting through a pile of new books that had just arrived that morning when Buffy and Spike burst through the door, Buffy panting for breath, and Spike somehow managing to look like he'd been running for his life with death at his heals. And, Giles reasoned, Buffy had come in behind Spike, so that was actually entirely possible.

"Oh Giles," called Buffy in a sing-song sort of voice. "We have a problem…" she stopped, and looked at Spike, who'd been about to interrupt. "Well, sort of." She amended.

Giles closed the book he'd been looking at, and looked up at Buffy. "Oh?" 

"Yep. Spike here… he's suddenly decided that he likes sunlight. Actually…" Buffy paused, and looked slyly over at Spike. "I think he decided that he wanted to get a tan, and for some reason, the sun seems to be accommodating him."

Spike just glared at her. "Wasn't like that." He mumbled. Giles took no notice.

"What exactly do you mean, Buffy? Spike, the last time I checked, was a vampire. As a rule, vampires and sunlight generally don't go together."

"Well, Spike's made a new friend."

Giles was still slightly confused at Buffy's half cryptic comment. "You mean, the sunlight doesn't hurt him?" Buffy nodded. "Well, that's new. I wonder why that's happened."

"So do we, mate." said Spike. "That's why we're here, ain't it? To find out?"

"Well," said Giles, adjusting his glasses, "I suppose so. But I do need to know the full story. Buffy's, uh, 'cliff notes' usually leave a lot to the imagination, and we really do need to be precise."

Spike suddenly felt a little embarrassed. If Giles wanted the entire story, then he'd have to say why he'd wanted to kill himself. He didn't really feel like he wanted to explain any of that, not even to Buffy, and definitely not to her watcher. 'Good thing bloody Xander's not here,' thought Spike. 'That would be even more damn humiliating.' He smirked. 'He's probably off having a morning shag with his vengeance demon before she comes in to work.'

As if cued by his thoughts, Anya chose that moment to walk through the door. Giles looked at her, mildly surprised. "Anya, you're in early. You don't need to be here for another hour yet." She just shrugged.

"Xander had to start construction early today, and I didn't want to hang around the apartment by myself. It's boring. I thought I may as well come in." Anya looked toward Buffy and Spike. "What are they doing here?"

Buffy smirked at Spike over Anya's direct manner. He rolled his eyes, secretly relieved that he didn't have to explain what he was doing trying to 'get friendly with the daylight'. "We're here for information," said Buffy. "We thought Giles would be the best person to ask. He usually knows stuff. Although, I think we managed to completely stump him with this one."

"Maybe I can help," said Anya, looking interested. "There's no money to play with before the shop opens anyway. I need something to do."

This time Buffy rolled her eyes at Spike, and he half smiled in response. "Sure Anya," said Buffy, "help would be good. Just from your 'personal experience' I don't suppose you know of any instant cures for that condition that vampires have where they turn to dust in sunlight, do you?"

Anya shook her head. "Nothing can stop a vampire dying in sunlight. It's the same for crosses and holy water. It's the demonic nature of a vampire and the way it corrupts a human that can't deal with the sunlight or holy stuff. I guess that maybe if the demon left the original human body sunlight might not hurt it any more, but I don't think it would really matter, since… well, the human body would just be dead again."

Giles nodded as Anya spoke. He knew this, but he didn't see how it helped the situation. Spike was obviously still a bit more alive than dead, but there was something he was missing. He could feel it sitting at the back of his mind, hiding behind some neatly stacked and filed memories. He hated it when that happened. It was so annoying, and usually led to missing some vital fact about what some monster was, or how to kill it. Something was out of place, like it had dropped behind a shelf in his mind and he couldn't quite reach it to see what it was.

Buffy was lost in thought. She had been half listening to Anya, but the rest of her mind was focused on what she'd overheard at the cemetery. She knew that she'd have to talk to Spike about his chip, and find out if it really wasn't working any more. Buffy didn't know how she really felt about that, and she didn't know just what to think about Spike any more either. She realised since she'd told him that she trusted him, she had actually trusted him. Sure, it had only been about an hour, but in that hour she'd been with Spike the entire time and not once looked at his with suspicion or hostility. That worried her a little.

Spike, for his part, was also lost in thought. He was thinking about what Buffy had said that morning when she'd dragged in out of the sunlight. '…denying your heritage… I wonder… Only one way to find out.' He walked over to where Buffy was standing, and she looked up at him a little startled. He put his hand out to her neck, and was surprised when she didn't move. 'Maybe she does trust me.'

"Spike, what…" Buffy began, but stopped when she felt Spike's cool hand on the front of her neck. 'I said I trust him, I said I trust him…' her resolve not to hit Spike was wavering as she felt him begin to push a little. Something dug into her collarbone. 'That must be my cross,' she thought. 'Why is he…' the thought trailed off as Buffy realised what he was doing. She looked up at him, and saw him grinning at her. "It doesn't hurt?"

Spike grinned wider. "Nope." His hand was still at her throat. She punched him in the ribs, and Spike dropped his hand.

"Did that?"

"What the bloody hell was that for?" demanded Spike, his hands clutched to his ribs. She hadn't hit him that hard, but she had still hit him. "I thought you said you trusted me."

"I did," replied Buffy, "and I do. But just because I trust you doesn't give you the right to touch me." Spike looked hurt, though he tried to hide it. She could see it in his eyes, and she felt bad for a moment until she forcefully reminded herself that she had to be mean to Spike sometimes. Couldn't let him get any ideas. Buffy gave herself a mental shake. 'Never going to happen. Better that he knows that.'

Giles gave a silent sigh of relief when Buffy punched Spike. He was getting used to having Spike around, but he still wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation. If Buffy decided that she would trust Spike, fine, but as long as that was all that it was. Giles was of the opinion that Spike only thought he was in love with Buffy, and as soon as Buffy let him get close, he would be able to get over his obsession. And since Buffy never let anyone she didn't care about get close to her, Spike would only hurt her. 'And I'll be damned before I let that happen,' thought Giles to himself. 'If Spike betrays her trust, I'll stake him myself.'

Spike's voice brought Giles' mind back to the present. It seemed he'd missed part of the conversation, which appeared to have rapidly degenerated into an argument between Buffy and Spike. Anya was sitting at the table watching them, clearly enjoying herself. Giles took a seat next to her, and she filled him in. 

"Basically Buffy's angry at Spike because somehow it's all his fault that he can now move around during the day, which means she now has to watch him twice as much. Spike's upset because she said that she trusted him, and keeping him under constant watch isn't really trust. They got that out in about thirty seconds. The last three minutes has just been straight trading insults, with Spike getting punched occasionally."

Giles shook his head in resignation. Those two would never get along, which meant constant headaches for the rest of them.

"Oh, don't worry." said Anya brightly. "I think they enjoy it. It covers the fact that they're repressing orgasm thoughts about each other."

"Once again, thank you Anya, I think that's possibly the most disturbing thing you could have said." Giles looked at Spike and Buffy. "I still don't understand exactly what's happened here. Right now, I don't care as long as Spike behaves himself. I think I'd just like to take some painkillers and get away from those two. Just… tell me the details later, I can wait. And tell them to come back this afternoon and we'll try and work out what's going on."

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10 minutes later…

"Buffy, Spike, can you either shut up or leave? I have to open the shop, and Giles won't like it if you scare away customers. Giles said come back tonight."

Buffy and Spike fell silent and looked at Anya. Spike grinned and turned to Buffy. "Well, I see we took the first option then, didn't we luv?" Buffy rolled her eyes at him and walked out of the store, muttering something about having to check on Dawn and get to a class and not having time for smartass vampires.

"Excuses excuses," said Spike under his breath. "Just 'cause she was losing." Anya cleared her throat to get Spike's attention. "What?"

"Could you leave too? You'll scare the customers away by just being here. Some of them do know what vampires are. They might run away without buying anything. Or one of them might stake you, and that might scare away the rest of the customers."

"They could try," growled Spike. Anya glared at him. "Fine, fine. I'm going. Like to see what this town's like during the day anyway."

--------------

As Buffy raced home from the magic shop, she let her mind wander over the events of the morning. Spike had survived direct sunlight, crosses didn't hurt him, and she'd overheard him admit that his chip wasn't working any more. And she'd decided to trust him. Buffy was still unsure about whether this was a good or bad thing. Trusting Spike? When he was apparently unrestrained and even stronger than before? 

She didn't know what to think about the chip. Spike had said he was completely smashed when he hit a guy, so maybe he'd just been too drunk to feel the pain. Or the guy could have had a bit of demon in him. It wouldn't be so uncommon, after all, this was Sunnydale. Spike without a chip could be dangerous. He'd admitted to her mother that he still hadn't even tried to hurt anyone, but how long would that last?

How long until the bloodlust inherent in all vampires was too much for him?

Buffy remembered Spike's love for violence. He'd gone crazy when he had first gotten the chip and thought that he couldn't hurt anyone or anything. He'd been stoked when he discovered he could still hit demons. Killing demons fulfilled his desire for a fight. That was something else that worried her.

How much of Spike's desire to help them came from his love of the fight? How long until he remembered how much fun he'd had hurting humans?

Spike had changed, though. She had to admit that, at least to herself. He'd helped out even when there wasn't violence involved, and he'd protected Dawn. Protecting Dawn earned him big points. She suspected that he only did it get credit, but he did actually seem to like her. Dawn definitely liked him. And it was good to have someone else around who was strong enough to protect her.

She had trusted him to protect Dawn and her mother before, and if she could trust him for that, then everything else should have been easy. But ever since finding out that Spike had a thing for her, trusting him had become more difficult. 

When he'd been helping out because he didn't have anything else to do, she'd trusted him more. He couldn't suddenly change his mind and decide that he wanted to hurt humans again. That chip in his head was security. But now, she didn't know if the only reason he wanted to help was because of her. Because he wanted to be near her. Buffy was fully aware that she treated Spike like crap most of the time. 

What would happen when he decided that he wouldn't take it any more? 

Would he suddenly change sides in the middle of a dangerous battle?

Would he betray her?

What she'd seen that morning had led her to believe that he wouldn't, but she still couldn't help running possibilities through her mind. She was confident enough to tell him that she trusted him, but she still worried about how long he would wait for her. Buffy refused to even consider the idea of being with Spike. She couldn't have a relationship with another vampire. She had loved Angel, and it had been a disaster. 

He'd left her.

Even if she ever did feel something for Spike, Buffy knew that she would keep it to herself, and do her best to repress and forget about it. If Spike loved her now, and she let herself be with him, the only way it would end would be painful for her. She was a Slayer, and Slayers were generally not known for long lifespans. She would either die young, although she planned to put it off as long as possible, or she'd somehow survive and hopefully let the other Slayer take over as head girl with the pointy wooden things. 

But if she survived, she would age. And if she was with Spike, he probably wouldn't want to stick around.

He'd leave.

And history would repeat itself. Again.

As she approached her house, Buffy cleared her head of any thoughts of being with Spike. She didn't feel that way about him, and she was determined that she never would. Spike was a vampire, and a demon to the core. 

Unlocking the door to her house, Buffy decided that while she might let herself trust Spike, she would never let herself love him. 

**End Chapter 3**

_As a heads up, I was writing this before I saw the end of season 5, so Glory is around but the plot's going to be different. Which is good, I guess, since if it wasn't I'd totally be ripping off the show. Welcome to my world, people._


	4. Explanations

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**Chapter 4: Explanations**

Spike wandered through the streets of Sunnydale, marveling at how different everything was during the day. More people, more noise, more shops and businesses open. Everywhere he looked he saw people moving around and living their lives, completely unaware that after dark the town turned into a highway rest area on the road from Hell.

They were totally oblivious to the fact that their little town drew demons to it like moths to a flame. And they had no idea that the Slayer, his Buffy, was protecting them. Spike smiled as he thought about Buffy. She'd left him at the magic shop so she could go home to check on the Nibblet before going to a morning class she had at college, and he had nothing better to do except wander around town until he had to be back at the magic shop that afternoon.. 

It was interesting though, seeing how people in these times lived their lives. What he usually saw at night hardly included the normal people in town. Hanging out at the bronze was the closest he got to other people, and a nightclub generally isn't a great place to meet people who aren't stoned or drunk or both. 

Spike was reveling in his freedom. Being able to move around in sunlight opened up a world of possibilities. Now, for the average vamp that would mean more people to kill. And it's easier to avoid a slayer in a crowd. There's less chance of being noticed, and nobody thinks you're a vampire if you're in sunlight. Well, those that actually think about vampires on a regular basis, anyway.

Spike didn't care about any of that. He didn't want to go and kill anyone. He did want to find those soldier boys and give them a scare, but they'd scarpered out of town a while ago. He didn't dwell on it, it wasn't really important any more. Being able to live in sunlight opened the gate to the one thing he'd been hoping for since he fell for the Slayer.

He could be _normal_.

Well, sort of.

He could sleep at night, stop being nocturnal. If he stopped being a creature who lived in the shadows, then maybe the Slayer and those bloody scoobies would accept him into their world. That thought did a great deal to the depression that had lingered in Spike's heart for the past weeks. He'd been complaining to Joyce that he didn't fit anywhere, so maybe this was his chance to belong. He knew that he could never go back to the darker side of the demon world. He'd betrayed too many of his former allies and acquaintances to ever be fully welcomed back into the fold, and he would always be treated with suspicion.

Being evil did have its merits, he had to admit that. Do whatever you want, kill whoever you want, live by the rules that you make up. Being the top man in town certainly got you respect. But what was that worth, really? The respect of lowlife scum and wannabe masters. People, or creatures, that would still stake you in the back the first chance that they got. What sort of life was that?

In Spike's mind, being evil had a bloody huge downside.

There wasn't the Slayer. Well, that wasn't quite true. There was the Slayer, but she carried a pointy wooden stick, and you were always on the wrong end of it. Actually, you were on the wrong end of it once, but that was enough. Getting intimate with 'Mr Pointy' meant you weren't ever getting back up.

Spike didn't like that.

He liked being behind Buffy when she went patrolling. He liked to watch her back. Something had changed in Spike when he realised the chip had stopped working. He'd gone out, still severely depressed and slightly drunk, thinking that the best thing to get his mind off the bloody Slayer would be a nice kill just to get his grove back. To reaffirm his place in the world he still thought he should belong to. He'd found a nice girl at the Bronze, and hit on her for a while, trying to get her to go outside with him. And she'd been just about to agree, when he froze. 

He felt guilty.

Guilty for even thinking about killing. Guilty for all the deaths he'd caused in the past. Guilty for hitting on another girl, even though Buffy had just rejected him.

Spike felt guilt.

For the first time in 120 years, Spike felt guilt. He was developing a bloody conscience. Just the thought of it freaked him out so much that he'd had to leave. He'd apologised to the girl, and left as politely as possible. Politely. He was being nice to someone he'd just met, and didn't give a damn about. Realising that had just freaked him out more. Spike had left the bronze in a daze, his mind in complete disarray.

How could he have a conscience? Him? He was a vampire, a demon. He didn't have a soul. A conscience hadn't been in his plan when he was turned, and he hadn't even thought about it as a way to show the Slayer that he'd changed.

Spike was terrified.

He was afraid he was turning into Angel. What next? His soul? Not bloody likely, thank you very much! A soul? You could keep it, in Spike's opinion. If he ever got his soul back, he'd stake himself the first chance he got. He remembered what a loser he'd been when he'd been alive. He didn't want to go back to being that. His current situation may be pathetic, but he would never sink that low.

No, in his crypt that night Spike had vowed to himself that his love for Buffy wouldn't change him. But he realised now that that was useless. He had been changing from the moment that he met her, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Something in Spike fought against the changes, but something else, something stronger, had shaped him into the person he'd become. That, Spike realised, was the turning point.

He had become a person.

He didn't have a soul. He didn't need it, but he could still feel the difference in himself. Buffy had always maintained that a vampire without a soul was just a demon. Vampires weren't a people to her, but even she had noticed that Spike was different lately. She, in all her stubbornness to believe that vampires were nothing but evil unless they had a soul. She saw.

Spike's raw personality had won out over the urges of the demon.

He didn't fight the demon, because he was the demon. But he was strong enough to control himself, to know what he wanted. Spike knew he no longer lived by the bloodlust typical of all vampires. Even Angel couldn't control that. Angel didn't feed because his soul stopped him killing humans. Even after a hundred years of not feeding on humans, Angel still craved the taste, the warmth of a fresh kill. A soul only controls the demon, it doesn't erase the needs of a vampire.

The very nature of the demon that was Spike had changed.

Spike no longer craved the kill. He'd been sick the last time he fed on a human. He'd gagged and retched his guts up. The taste of the blood had made his stomach churn. The warmth of it, the life that still flowed though it, it had all disgusted him. He was a vampire who didn't like the taste of fresh blood. The very thought of it was laughable. And Spike would have laughed, if he hadn't been so intent on trying to keep the vestiges of himself alive. 

He was afraid of losing who he was. Angel and Angelus had been two very different creatures, but Spike had never held the love of killing that Angelus had. Spike, despite being a demon, had retained some human qualities. 

Spike still understood love.

Angelus had never understood love. He had had Darla, but that was more a convenience for him, as well as the attraction of the sire/childe bond. Angelus hadn't loved Drusilla either. He had been obsessed with her, and had taken her from Spike just to show that he could. 

Spike had loved Drusilla. She was the face of his salvation, she had shown him his potential and made him who he was. That is, until Buffy had taken over. Drusilla had nurtured the killer in Spike, his love for violence and the danger of the fight. But she'd left him, and Spike had been lost. So he'd headed back to the only other person who'd affected him so dramatically. He'd gone back to Sunnydale, intending for all the world to kill the Slayer and put himself onto a path that he could walk alone. 

But then he saw her again, spent time with her that didn't involve trying to kill each other. Buffy had appealed to the lighter side of Spike's nature. She'd made him look into himself, past the face of the vicious killer that he'd maintained for so many years. She hadn't meant to change him, but seeing how much she detested him made him wonder what it was about himself that inspired such hatred. 

Spike had (metaphorically) taken a good, hard look in the mirror.

And he wasn't sure if he liked what he saw.

At first, he didn't care too much. So he'd killed people, big deal. Humans were a food source to him, they were what kept him alive so why should he give a bloody damn? Most humans ate meat, and they didn't give it a second thought. Nobody hunted them down for killing a cow.

Spike had to laugh at the thought of a bovine version of a slayer.

The chip that had been in his head hadn't changed him. It had simply been the means to an end. It had been Buffy that had changed him. Everything about her. Her light, and the way she controlled the darkness inside of her. She was inside him, flowing through his blood, she was everything he had cast away from himself to be what Drusilla had wanted. But Drusilla didn't want him any more. He was useless to her, no longer fascinating.

How did Buffy see him now?

Spike sighed. Reflection was getting him nowhere. He'd meant to go for a walk around town, and instead he'd ended up taking a trip through his head. It had brought back too many painful memories, and he still hadn't worked out why he could walk in the light. He hadn't resolved any of the issues that plagued him, except one.

Whatever path he was on, he didn't want to walk it alone.

-----------

That afternoon, the regular crowd met in the Magic Box. Spike hadn't arrived yet, but Giles intended to start without him. Having Buffy and Spike argue with each other would not get them anywhere, and it would give him another headache. 

They were all sitting around the table, waiting for Giles to say something. None of them really knew what to think. Buffy had grown used to the idea of Spike being able to resist sunlight, and Anya didn't really care too much one way or the other, but Willow, Tara and Xander were stunned.

Xander's reflexive reaction to the news was to jump up and shout "Quick, kill him!" half serious, half joking. Willow and Tara managed to control themselves a little more, but they were both uncertain how to take the news. Dawn thought it was cool.

Giles was about to start speaking when Buffy beat him to it. She knew that she needed to tell her friends what she had seen that morning in the cemetery, and she wanted to do it before spike arrived. Having Spike there would mean she would have to admit she was watching him, and then he'd know that she knew about his chip. Buffy didn't want to let that secret go yet.

Looking around the table at the scoobies, Buffy related most of what had happened in the morning. She told them that she'd seen Spike try and kill himself, after telling her mother that he hated himself - what he used to be, and what he'd become. 

"… and the sunlight didn't hurt him." Buffy paused, trying to gauge reactions before continuing. "I talked to him, and he admitted that he hated himself, and told me pretty much exactly what he'd said to Mom. That makes me think that he was actually telling the truth. He really does want to help us."

Buffy had left out everything that Spike had said about her, but there was one other important thing. "I also told him that I would trust him, and I do." She said it quietly, almost as if she was ashamed of it, and waited for the outburst to tell her that she was an idiot.

She was surprised when nobody said anything. She looked over at Willow, who could see the question in her eyes. "It's okay, Buffy." she said. "I think you can trust Spike. He's been helping us for a while now, and when was the last time he asked for money for patrolling with you?"

"And he protected me," said Dawn. "I think that's good for trust."

Buffy nodded, and looked over at Xander. He was the one she felt was most likely to try and talk her out of trusting Spike, and he was occasionally right. Xander just shrugged. "I don't know, Buffy. I mean, the guy did try and kill us in the past, but he never did very good. I don't like him, but I think that as long as he's all chipped up he'll help us. We're the only way Spike can get his daily dose of violence and mayhem. How could he pass that up? We're too good to eat."

Buffy smiled at Xander's rather unique way of looking at things. Always make it a joke. It almost always helped to lighten the mood. Xander was indispensable that way. To Buffy, if Xander was joking around, everything would turn out alright. It was the sense of normality that he provided that helped to keep her emotions under control. If Xander cracks a joke, then the world isn't going to end anytime soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles decided to speak up at this point. "So everyone is alright with the, uh, Spike… thing?" he asked. Nods came from all around the table, although Xander's was still somewhat reluctant. 

"Do we know why Spike's suddenly able to be daylight guy now?" asked Willow. "I mean, is it just something like the gem of Amarra? He couldn't be killed when he had that, remember?"

Buffy shook her head. "He didn't have any rings on, and he said he hadn't done or found anything strange recently. I think this must be something else."

"It is, Buffy." said Giles. "I think I may have come up with something, but I didn't want to mention it until Spike got here, since I need him to verify some things." He gestured to the door, where Spike was standing. "Since he's now present, I guess I can start."

Spike walked over and sat at the table, and smiled inwardly when no one objected. "Explain away mate," he said, "I'm just as curious as all of you."

Giles picked up a book off the table, and showed it to the group. "This is a book of some of the most complex vampire lore. It's normally of no use for regular vampires, since they're all basically the same anyway. I looked through it once when I got it about a year ago, but it really had nothing that applied to our situation at the time. I'd almost forgotten that I had it until Spike's rather interesting new development." Giles noticed that Buffy was staring at him with her patented 'I'm bored, get on with it already' face. The rest of the group had similar looks on their faces.

"Anyway, it contains a lot of information about the nature of the demon that creates the vampire. You see, a vampire is the most impure form of demon. It is due to it's possession of a dead human body that causes it to reject things that are of a holy nature. It's not actually the demon itself that can't take sunlight or crosses or holy water, it's a defence mechanism of the human body. The original person may be dead, but the body will still try and reject the demon any way it can. Are you all following me so far?"

Everyone nodded. "Yeah, we get it," said Xander, "but what does this have to do with Spike? He's still evil demon guy."

"Thanks mate," said Spike. Xander rolled his eyes and Spike smirked.

Giles cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I was just getting to that. Spike, Buffy said you were trying to kill yourself this morning?" Spike looked at the table and nodded, and Giles quickly continued to try and cover the awkward silence. "Could you tell us why?"

"I'd rather not," said Spike. The last thing he wanted to do was explain himself to the bloody scoobies. How much more pathetic could he paint himself to them? He'd told Buffy, but even that was a much shortened version of what he'd been feeling and thinking.

Giles sighed. "I need to know, Spike. This is the only answer I've been able to find, but whether of not it's the right one depends on what you say."

Spike stood up and moved away from the table. "I don't have to explain myself to you, mate. And I'm not going to tell you why I did what I did this morning so you can all look at me and go 'poor Spike, he's such a bloody loser he should just go stake himself - oh yeah, he can't even do that right'. I'm not going to take your bleedin' sympathy."

"Sympathy for you, Spike?" asked Xander. "Nah, it'd never happen. And we'd never say bloody, either." Buffy kicked him under the table in a way that very clearly said 'Shut up or I'll hurt you'. She stood up and moved over to Spike and, taking his hand, led him into the training room. He followed wordlessly, and the group still at the table watched in silence until the door closed, blocking the pair from view.

"Unexpected much?" asked Dawn.

"Buffy being nice to Spike?" replied Xander, "Totally."

"I meant Spike wigging out in front of us," said Dawn dryly. "He's never done that before."

"Oh."

"I mean, he normally totally keeps his cool, or just gets angry. I've never seen him hurt or scared before."

Willow nodded. "You're right Dawnie. Spike showing emotions is definitely new territory."

"I think it's a good sign," said Tara. "I mean, it makes him seem… well, a little more human."

------------

As Buffy closed the door behind them, Spike relaxed a little. Until he realised that he was now alone in a room with Buffy, probably so she could get him to talk. 

Spike didn't really want to talk.

It seemed Buffy had other ideas. She let go of his hand, and sat down in the centre of the room. Spike stood, unsure of what she wanted him to do. Buffy looked purposefully at the floor in front of her, and he took the hint and moved to sit down facing her.

Spike was getting nervous. Buffy hadn't said anything since they came into the room, and he was feeling a bit like a moron. "So luv," he asked, "what are we doing back here? Your friends are going to think you actually like me if you start being nice to me."

Buffy just looked at him. "This isn't nice, Spike. Trust doesn't necessarily mean friendship. We'll just get that straight now, okay?" Spike nodded, trying to conceal the hurt he felt. Buffy pressed on. "But we can be allies, Spike. That goes with trust. But until we know why you're suddenly not flammable in sunlight, it will be hard for the guys to trust you. How do we know you didn't go and sell someone else's soul to Satan to get… whatever it is you've got? We need to know, Spike. And that means talking to Giles."

"I didn't do anything, Buffy." said Spike. "You know I wouldn't do anything like that."

"You would have, once."

"Once, but not now."

"No, not now. But we still need to know why, Spike. And we need to know if it is permanent. You don't want to be walking down the street tomorrow and suddenly get really dusty. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?"

Spike smiled. "Do you care, Slayer?"

Buffy didn't answer. She stood up and walked to the door. "Talk to Giles, Spike. Please."

Spike sighed. "Okay, I'll talk to the watcher. But only him. I'm not telling them." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the shop. "And he isn't to say anything either, or no bloody way."

Buffy nodded, relieved that Spike was going to talk. "Fine, I'll send Giles in. The rest of us will be out front." She opened the door, and walked out, leaving Spike sitting on the floor alone.

-------------

Buffy reappeared in the shop, and everyone looked at her, expecting an explanation. "He'll talk to you, Giles, but only you. And on the condition that you don't tell us what he says. I agreed, because we need to know the answer." Giles nodded and went into the training room. 

"Uh, Buffy," said Xander, "I hate to be the one that asks this, but don't you think it's a little suspicious that Spike won't tell us anything? I mean, what's he got to hide?"

Ever perceptive of people's feelings, Willow answered instead of Buffy. "I don't think so Xander. I think Spike was really upset this morning, and he still thinks he needs to act this the big bad in front of us. He doesn't want us to see that he really does have feelings. I think he's afraid that we'd laugh at him or something."

"What, for being human?" asked Dawn.

"He's not human, Dawn." said Buffy. "You have to remember that. He's still a vampire, although I do think Will might have a point. Spike was pretty depressed this morning. I actually felt kind of bad for him." She looked at the closed door to the training room. "I wonder what he's telling Giles. I heard some of it this morning, but I know there was something he wasn't saying."

-----------

Spike looked up from the floor when Giles entered the room and closed the door behind him. He didn't know if he was meant to say anything yet, so he looked at the floor again and remained silent. Giles sat on a chair near the wall, thinking to leave Spike his space in the centre of the room. He didn't say anything, but waited until Spike was ready to talk.

"This goes nowhere, right Watcher?" asked Spike.

"Of course. I won't repeat a word, if that's what you want. We just need an answer." replied Giles.

So do I, mate. So do I. This not knowin' and all that, it's driving me crazy." Spike sighed. "Okay, well, it's like this. I tried to kill myself because there's nothing left for me on this world. I'm a vampire who doesn't like the taste of human blood, I'm a vampire who's in love with a Slayer. A bleedin' Slayer for god's sake! Me! I'm meant to be a bloody master vampire, and I'm even more of a ponce that my bleedin' sire. At least he has a soul for an excuse. What have I got? A bloody chip! That shouldn't have turned me into this. 

"I tried to die because I hate myself. The person I love more than anything in the world hates me, and I don't belong anywhere any more. I can't be evil, because I've betrayed too many demons and the like to ever be allowed back. And I can't be good and fight with you lot, because you don't believe that you can trust me. I don't want to be evil any more, and I'm sick of the entire eternal life thing. It sounded great when Dru suggested it, but now I'm alone, and I always will be. 

"I don't want to be alone, Watcher. I want to have friends, like the Slayer does. But that'll never happen, you know? Who wants to be friends with a useless vampire? I knew that you lot will never accept me, accept that I was willing to be good. So I figured that if I killed myself, at least I would be doing something right. If I die, the demon that I am dies too. And that's doing the world a service, don't you think?"

Giles didn't know what to say. He had expected most of what Spike had said, but he was surprised by the sadness and bitterness in his voice. He hadn't known that Spike's feelings had run that deep. He was still trying to get used to the idea that Spike was capable of human emotions. But one thing Spike had said shocked him more than all the emotion.

"You don't like the taste of human blood? How do you know? You shouldn't have been able to feed since you got that chip."

Spike shook his head. "When Dru came back… when I chained up Buffy…" he paused, swallowing guilt at his stupidity. "She killed a girl for me, so I could feed. I let her, because… well, the Slayer had just… sod it, I'm not going to explain what she'd just done to me, but Dru had saved me once. I thought maybe she could do it again." Spike sighed. "I drained the girl, but later that night I retched my guts up. I couldn't keep it down. It's pathetic. I may as well be a bloody vegetarian."

Giles smiled, he'd been right. "That's a good thing, Spike. You've just proved that my theory was correct. And if you can accept it, I think the others might accept you."

"Well, what is it then?" asked Spike, confused. "What's the reason?"

"I'll tell you with the others, it's easier that way." replied Giles. "I have to repeat myself enough as it is to get Xander to understand, I'd rather not have to do it more than necessary." Spike laughed at the Watcher's joke, and stood up and followed Giles out of the room.

-----------

Everyone sat down at the table again as Spike and Giles came out of the training room. Spike moved over and took a seat as well, and Giles remained standing, slowly pacing the length of the table as they all got settled. Buffy glanced at Spike, but he avoided her gaze, so she turned her attention back to Giles.

"All right, Giles," said Buffy, "Spill. What's the deal on our new and improved vampire?"

Giles sighed, and began to explain. "Basically, Spike's not a real vampire any more." Giles paused, expecting a loud chorus of objections. He wasn't disappointed. Everyone at the table started to speak at once, but Spike was the loudest.

"What do you mean I'm not a vampire any more? Of course I'm a bloody vampire! Look." Spike changed, and brought out his game face. Xander, who was sitting next to him, recoiled when Spike growled at him. "See?"

"Yeah Giles," said Buffy, "Spike is still a vampire. Only vampires are that ugly."

"Hey pet," Spike objected. "There's a lot of demons around that are uglier than this. Come on, you've got to admit that us vampires are one of the more attractive kinds of demons." Spike's face melted back to it's human visage. "Really, Slayer. You can't tell me you don't find me attractive." He smiled, to show her that he was joking.

Buffy just glared at him and muttered "Definitely still a vampire."

'Score one for Spike,' thought Dawn, smiling that her sister couldn't deny Spike was good looking.

"Uh, Giles," said Willow, "What do you mean Spike isn't a real vampire any more? He just proved he still was…"

"I guess 'real' may not have been the right word to use in the circumstances." replied Giles. "Spike is still a vampire, just not… well… normal."

Xander laughed. "Geez, Giles. We could have told you that. Spike's never been normal." He edged his chair away when Spike growled at him again.

"Yes," said Anya. "Spike's weird."

"Thanks," muttered Spike sarcastically.

"If you'll all let me finish," broke in Giles, slightly exasperated. "I'll tell you what I mean. You all understand that a vampire is a human body possessed by a demon, right?" Nods came from around the table. "And I told you that the reason vampires can't abide by holy objects or sunlight is because the human body is trying to reject the demon?" Nods from around the table again. "Well, I think that the reason Spike can survive in sunlight now is because the demon inside him has changed. Since Spike doesn't have a soul like Angel does, Spike is the demon. 

"He's not a human with a demon inside him, he is the demon that animates William the Bloody's dead flesh."

"Ewww, visual…" muttered Dawn.

"Spike has changed to such an extent that he no longer lives by his bloodlust. He doesn't crave the taste of human blood any more. Basically, Spike has become something that his body doesn't reject. The human part of him has accepted the demon half, because it is no longer pure evil. I think that when Spike tried to kill himself so that the demon in him would die, his body deactivated it's defence mechanisms."

There was silence at the table for a moment as everyone tried to digest this information. Spike got up and wordlessly walked out of the shop. Buffy stared after him for a moment until something occurred to her.

"Giles," she said, "how come this hasn't happened to Angel then? Surely he's just as not evil as Spike?"

It was Willow who answered. "Angel still carries his demon inside of him. His soul suppresses it, but it's still there. I think it would have to be Angelus who became a good guy, just Angel isn't enough." She turned to Giles for confirmation, and he nodded.

"So, this means that Spike really has changed then." said Xander. "How is that possible? I mean, Spike's evil dead guy. That's who he is. How could he completely, totally and sincerely change sides like this?"

"I, uh…." Giles really didn't want to say what he thought.

"It was me." said Buffy quietly. "He changed because of me, because he thought he was in love with me." 

'Thought he was?' thought Dawn to herself. 'Not likely.'

Nobody knew how to reply. They didn't know what it was that Buffy needed to hear. There were so many possible answers to her observation, but none of them seemed to be the right one to say. 

"Come on Dawn," said Buffy, breaking the awkward moment of silence. "We've got to get home." Dawn stood up and gathered her things, leaving the shop with Buffy without anyone saying a word.

**End Chapter 4**

_Before anyone tries to tell me I came up with a lame reason for Spike's sunlight thing, I just have to say 'bite me'. At least I didn't just say 'The Powers That Be decided to make him resistant to sunlight and crosses because he was needed in a prophecy'. Count yourselves lucky._


	5. Intervention

AN: Before anyone comments, I'm fully aware that I rip off heavily in this chapter __

Before anyone comments, I'm fully aware that I rip off heavily in this chapter. So major spoilers for 'Intervention'. I hate to say that this chapter is half a rewrite of that episode. But it is, and I couldn't really help it. A lot of the concepts in this chapter don't belong to me, and aren't my ideas. But after you read this, you'll know why I couldn't just say 'insert events in 'Intervention' here'. There are some very important differences, and I started writing this chapter before I actually saw the ep, so just don't sue me.

****

Chapter 5: Intervention

Spike was headed straight back to his crypt after leaving the Magic Box. His mind was in turmoil after everything he had heard about himself. Not a proper vampire any more? He should have tried a little harder to kill himself. He didn't even know what he was any more. He knew he was still a demon, he could feel it, but everything Giles had said made sense. Not wanting to feed on humans, being able to resist sunlight and crosses. He really was the definition of pathetic.

If the other vampires in Sunnydale heard of this he'd be in trouble.

They'd hated him when he'd turned against them, but they'd still been a little afraid of him. He still had Master Vampires status. Now he was going to be the laughing stock of the entire demon population. What a joke.

Spike was trying to rage at himself for letting things go this far, for letting himself slide so much that Buffy had changed his nature as effectively as Dru had when she originally turned him. But it was so hard to hate himself for it when part of him was reveling in his freedom from vampire restrictions. He hated himself, but he was elated.

He didn't know how to be anything else but a vampire. He'd been a vampire for 120 years, and before that he's been a loser. Spike really had no idea what he was going to do with himself. Sure, he could continue on like he had been living for the past year, but that was what got him into this situation in the first place. What next, becoming fully human? 

Spike shuddered. Human was definitely not in the books for him. Being human meant aging, and being human meant dying. Two things that Spike was happy to exist without. But being human also meant a possible chance with Buffy. Spike was willing to give up everything for just a chance with Buffy. If being human meant getting Buffy, then he was all for it. 

There was just one problem with that scenario. He was still a demon. He wasn't human, he was just a freaky vampire hybrid or something. And Buffy was probably just as likely to reject him now as when he's been a proper vampire. Couldn't she see that he loved her so much that he actually changed his nature? His love for her was so strong that he had completely denied who he was. And still it wasn't enough.

Spike had been _made_ to be evil. He'd been created. And he'd changed all that, just for her. He'd shamed the entire vampire population because he was in love with a Slayer. He had no excuse for it, and he'd become even more 'Buffy-whipped' that Angel had been. Of course, Angel had killed his sire for Buffy, something that Spike had yet to do. He'd been going to, he'd intended to, but what Buffy had said to him had hurt so much that something had held him back. The demon in him was what had saved Drusilla. 

He hadn't fully changed by that stage. Trying to kill himself had been the defining moment.

Suddenly Spike's mind cleared, and he understood. It had been trying to kill himself, and not someone else, that had completed his transformation. Killing Dru wouldn't have done it. That would have been the result of obsession, and following the instincts of a vampire. It had been his desire to protect the world from himself, his desire to actually _protect_ of his own will and not because he wanted to show the Slayer he could be good. 

Buffy hadn't changed him.

Spike could see it all now. Being in love with Buffy wasn't what had made him what he was. She had been his desire, his inspiration, but she hadn't done it. 

He had.

Spike had gone against his own nature because he had wanted too. Buffy had been his catalyst, but he'd done the work. He had mastered himself, and he was now in complete control. And control always felt good.

Spike smiled to himself, and accepted.

-----------

Buffy and Dawn walked home in silence. Buffy was lost in her own thoughts, and Dawn had one guess as to what, or who, she was thinking about. Dawn had seen how shocked her sister had been when Giles had explained Spike's… condition. Sure, Buffy had said that she trusted Spike, but finding out that he was totally not evil any more and it was because of her? It had been hard for her to take.

Buffy knew how mean she was to Spike sometimes. And finding out that he loved her so much as to turn against himself despite all that, it made her feel guilty. It had made her realise that she wasn't any better than him at all, even if he was a vampire. Even if he didn't have a soul. 

Buffy realised then how much importance she'd placed on having a soul. Now that she really thought about it, a soul really wasn't all that important. In vampires it seemed to make a big difference, but she'd met so many demons of the non-hurting people variety that it was hard to see a line any more. And there were so many humans that had perfectly good souls that went around and did evil stuff anyway. How much effect did a soul really have on someone? 

Buffy shook her head. There was no way she was going to work this out on her own. What she really needed was to talk to Spike. She wanted to know what he'd said to Giles, and he was the only one who could fill her in on exactly how this had happened. And she needed to know, more for her own piece of mind than any worries about Spike. 

Buffy snapped back to reality when Dawn asked for keys. She took note of her surroundings and realised that they were standing on her front porch, and from the expression on Dawn's face, they had probably been there for at least a few minutes.

"Sorry Dawn," said Buffy as she unlocked the front door. "I guess I was a little preoccupied."

Dawn grinned. "Thinking about Spike? Hey, maybe now that he's not real evil any more you two can get together." 

Buffy still wasn't really paying attention as she closed the front door. "Yeah… what? Hey, no! God, freak me out Dawn."

"Sorry Buffy. Couldn't resist. And I was only joking. I mean, Angel repeat? I'll pass."

Buffy winced at the reference to her past relationship with a vampire. Dawn was right, that was something she should never try again. Vampires and Slayers did not make a good match, at least not romantically. It was a one-way road to disaster. Not that she would even consider it with Spike of all people. 

Somehow the thought sounded less convincing than it had previously. Buffy sighed and headed into the kitchen to make dinner. She sighed again as she realised how much cooking dinner had now become a habit for her. Despite everything, coming home to an empty house still seemed strange. Tears sprang to her eyes as she thought about her mother. It had only been a few weeks since she had died, but it seemed like forever and nothing at the same time. 

Buffy didn't know how Dawn could cope. It was so hard, they'd now effectively lost both of their parents. They hadn't seen their father in about four years, and he'd never even bothered to try and check up on them. Buffy wondered if he even knew who Dawn was. Had the monks changed his memory to include Dawn like they'd changed hers and the scooby gang's? It would destroy Dawn if Hank Summers turned up with no memory of the girl who was supposed to be his daughter. 

Suddenly Buffy found herself hoping that her father never showed up. Dawn had become more important to her than he was. She smiled over the irony of the situation. She now loved a sister that hadn't even existed a year ago more than her own father. Being the Slayer certainly had some unexpected side effects.

-----------

After dinner Buffy and Dawn were washing up, and Dawn decided to broach the subject that she knew Buffy had been avoiding. 

"So, Buffy, when are you going to start, like, training again?"

Buffy stammered a bit, trying to come up with a suitable answer that wasn't 'I'd prefer never'. "I… I don't… I was thinking I might, you know… take a break for a while." She said the last part in a rush, and Dawn wasn't really surprised by the answer.

"I understand Buffy, but you know Giles. He said you were doing so good, and he'll want you to start up again." Despite the way she tried to hide it, Dawn really was scared about Glory. She needed her sister to be able to protect her, and at the moment Buffy didn't really seem like she'd be able to handle it.

"I just don't know, Dawnie. I feel… I feel like being the Slayer is turning me into stone."

"Stone?"

Buffy sighed. "Yeah. I mean, I was never there for Riley…" Dawn snorted, showing her opinion of the guy, "not like I was for Angel." Dawn refrained form commenting. "I just… I feel like I can hardly say it any more."

"Say what?" asked Dawn.

"I love you Dawn, you know that right?" Buffy had a hint of panic in her voice.

"Sure. I love you too."

Buffy didn't feel that was enough, and she hugged her sister close to her. "I mean I really, really, love you."

"Getting weird."

"Sorry. But I think it's important that I tell you. Weird love is better than no love, right?"

----------

Spike was sitting on his couch, watching television. His mind was finally at peace, having come to terms with the events of the day. He figured he'd go out and patrol for a bit in about an hour or so. He didn't know if he wanted to run into Buffy or not that night. Maybe it was best to leave her alone for a little while. Let her make up her own mind about him before he said something to ruin it all.

The show Spike was watching finished, and Spike got up to flick channels and see what else was on. He really had to steal himself a remote on of these days. After about five minutes of channel surfing, Spike gave up. Everything on was crap that even he wouldn't watch. 

"Maybe I'll start patrol early," said Spike to himself. "Less chance of running into the Slayer that way. Her and the Nibblet are probably still eating." He grabbed his duster and headed out of his crypt. 

Wandering through the cemetery, Spike was surprised to find that he wasn't really thinking about anything. Most of the times on his patrol he was normally thinking about Buffy or Dawn or how pathetic he'd become that he was actually patrolling for the Slayer. Now, something was different.

It all felt natural.

It felt like this was what he was meant to be doing. He was doing it for himself now, and not for Buffy. He was even hoping that he wouldn't see her on this patrol. His head snapped up when he heard a twig snap somewhere in front of him. He recognised the figure standing in the shadows. No such luck then.

"Slayer…" he called, wondering why she was standing stock still in the gloom. "what are you doing over there? Don't you normally patrol later than this?"

Buffy walked forward towards Spike, and he instantly became defensive. There was something different about Buffy. His mind took in her clothes, but they weren't the only thing wrong. She was wearing a shirt and jacket Spike had seen on her before, but the skirt was new. And it didn't look like her normal taste, and neither did the shoes.

Suddenly Spike realised what was really putting him off. He couldn't hear her heart beat. Spike backed away and put up his arms defensively. "Get away from me," he snarled. Hoping to all hells that this Buffy person wasn't a vampire. He didn't get that feeling, but she didn't have a heartbeat.

"Spike?" asked Buffy, with a hurt look on her face. "what's wrong?"

"You're not Buffy." said Spike, still backing away. "What are you?"

Buffy smiled, just a little bit too friendly. "Oh, Spike. Are we running that program?" she paused for a second, and then a look of contrived shock and hurt appeared on her face. "Spike, what are you saying? Of course I'm Buffy. Here, let me show you." And she walked quickly to Spike and kissed his hard on the mouth.

Spike was so shocked that he didn't move for a few seconds, then he gathered his wits and pulled away. He'd just realised what was happening, and if Buffy saw this she was not going to be happy. And the trust would be out the window.

It looked like Spike's custom made order had finally been shipped.

-----------

Giles had decided to do a quick sweep of his own, as he wasn't sure that Buffy was up to resuming regular patrols again. He knew that he wasn't good enough to handle the big fights, but a couple of lone vampires shouldn't really pose a problem. He decided to do a run through the cemetery as newly risen vampires were always an easy kill.

Wandering among the graves he heard voices and he realised that he was nearing Spike's crypt. He crept along silently, wanting to get a look at what was going on. Peering around the corner of a large mausoleum, Giles got the shock of his life.

He saw Spike looking absolutely horrified, and backing away from Buffy with his hands raised defensively. Giles' first thought was that Buffy was finally going to stake Spike, and he was about to go out and find out what was going on when he saw Buffy rush Spike and push her lips to his. Seeing this, Giles was about to go out and stake Spike himself when he saw him pull from Buffy with an expression on his face that said he wanted to run away and hide.

Giles couldn't contain himself any longer, he had to know what was going on. He came out from behind the mausoleum and walked over to Buffy and Spike, both of whom sensed his presence and looked at him with completely different expressions. Buffy smiled at him a little too cheerfully, and Spike looked like he wanted to stake himself. 

"All right," said Giles, "what's going on…" he was cut off as three vampires appeared from out of the bushes behind him. Spike and Buffy reacted immediately, and Giles was right behind them. Buffy kicked the first vampire to make it to them in the chest, sending it flying into a tree. Spike grabbed the next and began to beat the crap out of it, trying to work out his anger at his own stupidity, and Giles was left to deal with the third. 

Buffy followed up on the vamp that she'd kicked, and quickly staked it, more interested in helping Spike than having fun with other vampires. "Spike, be careful!" she called, and tossed him her stake when she saw he didn't have a weapon. Spike quickly staked the vampire and turned just in time to see Giles deal with the one that he'd been fighting, ignoring Buffy's babbling about how she was so worried about him, and he might have been hurt.

Giles had evidently gotten the newbie of the group, but he wasn't a slayer or a master vampire, so he hadn't exactly had an easy time. As such, he'd hadn't seen Buffy fight, and he'd completely missed the way she'd gotten so worked up over Spike being in danger. 

Spike told Buffy to stay where she was, and walked over to Giles. "You alright mate?" he asked. 

Giles nodded, then caught sight of Buffy standing patiently and remembered what he'd seen. "Spike… what's going on?" Buffy hadn't moved, and Giles approached her curiously. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Giles," said Buffy cheerfully. "I was just looking for Spike. I was worried about him. And there he is. And he's wearing a coat." Giles glanced at Spike, who shifted his feet uncomfortably. 

"Spike, I think I need an explanation."

----------------

Giles sat on the couch and watched as Spike instructed Buffy to hide in the tunnel underneath his crypt and not come out unless he called her. Giles didn't know what to think, but he knew that that wasn't Buffy.

"I'm waiting, Spike."

Spike sighed, realising that he couldn't put it off any longer. "Right. Here's the deal, mate. That's not really Buffy, I guess you worked that out?" Giles nodded. "Well, do you remember when I first told Buffy that I loved her? It was about a week after that. I don't know if the scoobies told you about that robot girl?" Giles nodded again, thinking that he understood and getting a little disgusted. "She threw me threw a window… don't laugh. Then you guys tell me that she's a robot. So I'm thinking, hey, that's a good idea. I'll never get the real thing, maybe that's second best. So I go to this guy right, and make him make a Buffy robot. He didn't want to, by the way. Anyway, he said it'll take a couple of weeks. I waited, time passed, you know how it goes. And things have changed… it's different now. She… it… showed up tonight, and totally caught be by surprise. I'd completely forgotten."

He looked at Giles, his eyes piercing right through him. "And before you say anything, about how disgusting it is… I know. I don't want the damn thing. Bloody hell, Buffy would kill me. She'd run me out of the damn town, and I've just started to change. I don't want to go back. I couldn't stand it." Spike hung his head. "Please mate, don't tell them. You know what'll happen."

Giles was at a loss for words. When Spike had told him the Buffy downstairs was a robot, he'd immediately thought about how unbelievably disgusting it was. He'd been ready to stake Spike himself if he had said that he wanted to keep it, and…. Giles shuddered. But what Spike had said, and his body language, it totally threw him. Spike seemed genuinely remorseful. That was something new, and Giles didn't know what to say.

He was saved from having to say anything when the door burst open, and some of what Buffy referred to as Glory's 'scabby minions' walked in. He quickly got up and stood next to Spike, trying to work out a way to get out. There were too many of them to fight. 

Spike raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Friends of yours, mate?" he asked Giles. One of the minions walked up and punched Giles in the gut. "Guess not," he said, and burst into action. He managed to make a couple of blows connect, but was distracted when he saw the Watcher go down. Two of the minions grabbed his arms and tied them behind his back, holding his so tightly that he couldn't move.

"Don't hurt him," said one, who Spike assumed to be the head guy. "Glory will want the key intact."

Spike struggled wildly, realising who the green guys worked for. "Key, who's a key? I'm not the…" he was cut off when a rolled up cloth was forced into his mouth. The guys on his arms forced him out the door, and he caught one last glimpse of the Watcher lying unconscious on the floor of the crypt.

-----------

Buffy and Dawn finished cleaning up the kitchen, and Buffy headed upstairs to change clothes for patrol.

"Will you be alright if I go out on patrol for a couple of hours? I really haven't been out in a while."

"Sure," replied Dawn. It was nice that Buffy worried about her, but sometimes it got a bit cloying. And Buffy did need to get out and work out some of the frustration she was holding in. A couple of vampires would be perfect.

"Great," said Buffy. "Don't wait up for me, okay? Go to bed in time to actually get some sleep before you have to get up tomorrow." Dawn had a habit of trying to stay up all night and then being dead tired for school the next day. It reminded Buffy of herself in a way, but at least she had reasons for staying up till all hours. 

------------

The slab of concrete that covered the tunnel underneath Spike's crypt was pushed aside and the Buffybot climbed out. "Spike?" it called. "Spike? I waited like you said. But then I missed you." It registered that Spike was no longer in the crypt, and headed out to find him.

------------

There was a knock on the door, and Willow opened it to see Buffy standing there, looking worried.

"Spike's gone."

"What?" asked Willow, confused.

"I came out of the tunnel and Spike was gone. I need to find him."

Willow moved out of the way to let Buffy inside. "Uh, Buffy… why do you need to find Spike?"

"Because he's Spike," said Buffy, as if she was confused that that wasn't reason enough.

Willow didn't know exactly what was going on, but she could tell there was something wrong with Buffy. She needed to keep her here, until she could talk to the expert on Slayers. "Buffy, why don't you wait for a minute, and I'll call Giles. He can… uh, he can help find Spike." Buffy nodded, happy with the reasoning, and Willow went to call Giles. 

The phone rang just before she could pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Willow, thank god you're there," came the reply. "We've got a problem. Glory has Spike, and there's something else, but I'd rather not explain it on the phone. I need you to meet me at Buffy's house, I've already called Xander and I'm about to go out looking for Buffy. Dawn said she went on patrol…"

"Buffy's here with me, Giles. I'll fill her in and meet you at her house, okay?"

"Buffy's with you?" he sounded concerned.

"Yeah."

"Is she acting strange at all? Different, maybe?" 

Willow glanced at Buffy, who was sitting on a chair and smiling around the room vacantly. "I bit… yeah, I guess. What's up?"

"Don't worry about it, just… don't let her out of your sight, okay?"

"Sure Giles, whatever you say. We'll meet you at Buffy's house, okay?" She hung up and turned to Buffy. "Okay, here's what we know. Glory took Spike, and we're meeting at your house to take care of it, alright?"

Buffy stood up so fast she knocked the chair over. "Glory will hurt Spike. We have to go now. We have to rescue him. If Spike gets hurt I won't be able to have sex with him."

Willow gaped at her. "What?" Giles had said she was acting strange, but this? This was against all laws of nature. "Spike? Buffy, you can't be serious."

"Of course I am," said Buffy. "I could draw you pictures if you want."

Willow shuddered. "No thanks," she muttered. "Look, whatever Buffy, let's just get over to your place, okay?" Buffy nodded and she and Willow headed out the door.

----------

Xander and Anya arrived at the Summers' house at the same time as Willow and Buffy. Dawn let them in, and they went into the living room to grab weapons. 

"So where's Giles?" asked Xander. "He said he'd meet us here too, right? I mean, he said he was going to go look for Buffy, but if she's with you, where's he?"

Willow shrugged. "Don't know. I told him she was with me, and…" she trailed off, remembering Buffy was standing right next to her. "Uh, Buffy, I think you have some more weapons upstairs. Why don't you go grab those."

"And maybe change your clothes," added Anya. "Maybe something a little more… fighty."

Buffy nodded. "I can do that," she said cheerfully. She turned and left the room, her footsteps audible as she went up the stairs.

Dawn looked at Willow confused. "Okay, what was all that about?"

"Something's up with Buffy," said Willow, addressing her comments to the entire group. "Giles asked me if she was acting weird, and said not to let her out of my sight. She came to my dorm telling me Spike was missing, and when I told her Glory had him, she started going on about how we had to rescue him or she's never be able to have sex with him."

Xander and Anya looked shocked, but Dawn just snorted with laughter. "What? That so doesn't sound like Buffy." She fell into a chair laughing her ass off until she caught the serious look on Willow's face. "You're serious?" Willow nodded.

"So she thinks we're going to rescue Spike?" asked Xander. 

"What are we going to do?" said Willow.

"Find him, keep him from talking, whatever it takes."

"What about Glory?" Anya tried not to look at Dawn, who was getting increasingly uncomfortable. 

Xander shrugged. "Whatever we do, we're going to need Buffy's help."

"Intervention time again?" Willow shot a look at Xander as Dawn got off the couch and went into the kitchen, obviously uncomfortable with the topic.

He glanced after Dawn and then nodded. "Yeah, cause what we need right now is a sane Buffy."

"Whoa, Group hang time?" Buffy walked in, dressed warmly like she'd just been outside.

"That was quick," said Willow.

"Didn't seem like it to me," Buffy replied. "Boring as all hell. Nothing wanted to play."

Xander was confused by Buffy's reply, but they had to get this in the open. "Buffy, we need to talk."

She suddenly looked really worried. "What's wrong? Is Dawn okay?"

"Dawn's fine," said Willow. 

Xander spoke up again, refusing to be put off. "Buffy, we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the thing's you've said…"

"It's weird. And wrong." Anya finished for him. 

Buffy was completely bewildered by this stage. "There's wrong? What have I done?"

Willow tried to be a bit more diplomatic. "No Buffy, it's just that we're worried about you because we love you. And, well, we're a bit scared."

Anya jumped in again. "We're just kind of thrown by the you wanting to have sex with Spike thing."

Buffy gaped. "The who wanting to how with what?"

"Okay, that's denial, that usually comes before anger."

"I do not want to have sex with Spike!" 

"Anger."

Xander spoke up, thinking that he needed to stop his girlfriend watching too much daytime television. "No one is blaming you. It's understandable. Spike is strong, mysterious, and sort of compact but well muscled."

Buffy was really getting confused now. "I do not want to have sex with Spike. But I'm starting to think that you do."

"Buffy, you told me you did," said Willow. "That was exactly what you said. We had to find Spike so you could have sex with him."

"Who's having sex with Spike?" came an indignant voice. "Spike's mine." The scooby gang stared as Buffy walked into the room. Or rather, as another Buffy walked into the room.

"Oh my god," said the Buffy who had been there for a while.

"And so say all of us," added Xander.

"Say, look at you," said the Buffybot, looking at the real Buffy. "You look just like me. We're very pretty."

"Hey, I know this," said Xander, remembering what had happened to him. "They're both Buffy."

Buffy glared at him. "No, she's a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot?"

"She's very well done," said Anya. The Buffybot smiled at her.

Xander finally worked it out. "Spike must have had her built so he could program her to…"

"Oh God." Buffy cut him off.

Willow was disgusted. "Imagine the things…"

"No. No imagining, any of you." Buffy was absolutely horrified that Spike would do this. After she trusted him and everything.

"People, friends of mine," said the Buffybot. "You're forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike, and she's going to hurt him."

The real Buffy looked around the rest of the group. "Glory has Spike?"

Xander looked a bit sheepish. "We were going to bring that up."

"We were getting weapons," added Anya.

"Grab 'em. I'm going to kill him." Everyone could hear the anger in her voice, and they knew that killing Spike was not just about protecting Dawn any more. 

Suddenly the door crashed open and Giles burst through. He took one look around the room and sighed with relief. He noticed the clothing of the two Buffys and spoke to the real one. "Buffy, you're here. Good. I was getting worried when I couldn't find you. We have to go and find Spike." He glanced at the Buffybot. "I assume you've worked all this out?"

"You knew?" Buffy was really pissed off. "What, were you just going to let Spike keep his toy?"

Giles shook his head. "Of course not. And Spike doesn't want it. It showed up tonight in the cemetery and surprised the hell out of him. Apparently he ordered it ages ago and forgot about it. Look, we don't have time for this. I'll explain on the way."

"But we don't know where to go," said Willow.

"No, but I know where to start." replied Buffy.

----------

Buffy pressed her ear against the door, trying to hear what was being said within. She'd called the others, but she knew they wouldn't be there for a while. They'd split up into groups to try and find Glory, and she'd paired herself with Xander. Willow was with Anya, and Giles was with _it_.

Giles had told them everything he knew about the robot, and what Spike had said about it. Xander had been extremely sceptical that Spike was telling the truth, but Buffy was sitting on the fence. Willow had believed him, and Anya had said she'd reserve judgement. Buffy didn't know what to think. She knew that Spike hadn't done… _that _with it, as Willow said the robot itself admitted to that. Just the thought made her shudder. So she believed Willow, but she wasn't sure if she believed in Spike's sincerity that he didn't intend to… yuck.

Anyway, they'd gone to where they'd killed Glory's key-seeking snake, since that was the only place Buffy could think of to start. The plan had been to split up and search the nearby buildings, checking the priciest places first. Buffy and Xander had come across two likely looking places, and they'd agreed to split up and search them both rather than wasting too much time.

Buffy had chosen the right building. She could hear Glory's voice beyond the door, but she couldn't make out the words. Glory was speaking too quietly for her to hear anything. Buffy pressed her ear harder against the door. Suddenly someone inside screamed in pain, and she almost jumped out of her skin.

It was Spike's voice.

The scream died, and there was only quiet coming from behind the door. Buffy knew she had to get a better vantage point if she was going to see or hear anything. Looking down the hall she was standing in, she noticed an open window. She quickly checked for any ledges outside, and when she saw there were enough footholds, and a window into the next room, she swung herself out the window and scrambled across the wall.

Reaching the window she peered inside, and what she saw was not pretty. Spike was hanging from the roof with his wrists tied in a chain, and he was bleeding from a dozen wounds. His face was a mess, and he had a hole the size of a finger in his chest. She watched as Glory held a glass of water up to his mouth and then smashed it against his face, losing her temper.

They were still talking too quietly for her to hear anything, so she eased the window open, praying that she wouldn't be heard and Glory would be too distracted to sense her. She froze when words reached her.

"Right… the key…" 

Spike. He wouldn't. How could he do this to them? Buffy was furious. She was about to jump through the window and stake him when she heard his next words.

"You see… here's the thing. It's that guy… the one on tv?"

Buffy sighed in relief as Spike went on telling Glory about how the key was the host of some game show. She almost laughed aloud when the scabby little minions bought it, but Glory's instant detection of the lie sobered her totally.

"The vampire is lying to me."

Buffy heard Spike laugh, and she could hear the pain in it.

"Yeah, but it was fun. And guess what bitch? I'm not telling you jack. You're never going to get your sodding key. 'Cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot."

Buffy could see Glory begin to get pissed, but she was so relieved by what Spike had just said that she couldn't move, and couldn't think of anything to get him out.

"I'm a god."

"The god of what? Bad home perms?"

Glory put a hand to her hair. "Shut up! I command you, shut up!"

"Yeah, okay," said Spike, sarcasm clear in his voice. "I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words. The Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided, ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim, ex-god like you."

Buffy was startled into almost falling off the wall when Glory suddenly kicked Spike through the door. She quickly jumped back to the other window ledge, knowing she had to help Spike. Glory's voice came through the window behind her.

"Bring him back."

Buffy couldn't let that happen. She climbed back through the window and saw Spike stumbling for the elevator. He wasn't going to make it. The doors were closing, and he couldn't run fast enough. She raced after him, knocking one of Glory's minions into a wall as she passed. She caught up to Spike just as he prised the doors open and fell into the shaft, landing on top of the elevator. She jumped down after him before the distance got too far, and glanced up as she landed to see a couple of scabby guys look down at them before heading for the stairs.

She looked at Spike and felt like retching. He was so beat up that he could hardly move, and one of his eyes wouldn't open. The other one did though, and he peered up at her, his gaze full of pain.

"Slayer?" his voice was weak.

"Yeah, Spike. It's me. I'm going to get you out of here, okay?" Buffy's voice was filled with concern. She bent down and opened the hatch into the elevator. "Spike, I need you to get down there. Can you do that?"

Spike just rolled a bit and fell through the hole.

Buffy jumped down after him and swore when she saw he was unconscious. Now she was going to have to carry him out as well as fight. She hoped the others had arrived by now. She would need all the help she could get.

The elevator reached the ground floor, and the doors opened to reveal a battle scene. Giles and Xander were fighting one minion, which already had a crossbow bolt in it. Willow had just killed one by levitating it right up through several storeys and then dropping it (although Buffy only saw the final part), and Anya was hitting another repeatedly with an axe.

Buffy got another shock when she saw herself throw a minion guy through a wall. She'd momentarily forgotten about the robot version of herself. It was very unnerving, watching herself throw something through a wall. Definitely not something you see every day.

Buffy was about to go out and help when Xander bashed the last one over the head with the butt of a crossbow, knocking it out cold. Looking for herself again, she found that she was lying on the floor, her eyes open and dead. She reeled for a minute before realising that what she saw wasn't her. It was just the Buffybot, but she'd had a flash of feeling so real that for a moment she'd believed she was looking at herself. 

'It's not me,' she reminded herself forcefully. 'It's all Spike's fault, and as soon as he's better I'm going to beat him up until _I_ feel better.' For some reason the thought didn't comfort her as much as it once would have.

"Xander, can you give me a hand here?" she called, carrying Spike out of the elevator. "Giles, grab _it_, will you? We can't just leave it here," she gestured to the robot. "We have to get out of here before Glory comes down." The others didn't move, stunned at the sight of Spike's beaten form. "Come on guys. Move it!"

****

End Chapter 5

__

If anyone hates the way I've done this chapter, let me know. Feedback is always a good thing. I don't like ripping off the show, but I had to deal with the Buffybot issue. And despite what's happened to Spike, I wanted the others to react like they in the actual ep, so I couldn't see any way around it. Any suggestions for this chapter would be welcomed, since I don't know how many people are going to want to hang, draw, and quarter me for this. So again, a lot of the stuff in this chapter doesn't belong to me, and I'm not claiming that it does.


	6. Pain and Gratitude

AN: Some of you might notice that Spike's injuries are a bit different than in the actual show, but I needed to hurt him more

_Some of you might notice that Spike's injuries are a bit different than in the actual show, but I needed to hurt him more. Once again, none of the characters or concepts of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to me. I'm borrowing them, and hopefully not embarrassing them too much._

**Chapter 6: Pain and Gratitude**

The scooby gang sat around in Buffy and Dawn's living room while Willow amused herself by investigating the wiring in the robot that they'd dragged back from Glory's mansion. They had arrived back at the Summers' house to find Dawn and Tara waiting for them. Buffy hadn't liked leaving Dawn on her own, but she'd figured that she was safe enough while Glory's attention was focused on Spike. And Dawn told her that she hadn't been alone for that long, since when Tara had returned to her place to find Willow out, she called Buffy's house and Dawn filled her in on the details. Tara had gone straight over to the house to be with Dawn and wait for the guys to return.

Buffy flashed a grateful smile at Tara, and then shuddered as her eyes fell on the Buffybot. She hadn't been able to have it out with Spike yet, as he had remained unconscious since they'd found him, with only brief incoherent spans of wakefulness.

Dawn was looking from the robot to Buffy, openly amazed. She hadn't actually seen them both together before then, as she'd left the room when Xander had started talking about Buffy like she was crazy. The real Buffy had told her about it quickly before she left to find Spike, but she hadn't seen them both at the same time. It was a little frightening to realise how easily someone could be copied.

What freaked her out more was the fact that Spike had had the thing built. Dawn hadn't been told the whole story, but she knew what Spike would have wanted it for. The thought made her sick, and also made her feel a bit betrayed. She'd thought Spike was pretty decent, but building a robot of her sister to have sex with? That was just gross. And disturbing. As much as she liked Spike, she didn't understand why Buffy hadn't staked him for this.

Buffy was reserving judgement on the staking issue until she could talk to Spike. She wanted his version of events, and then she would decide whether what he did for her and Dawn was enough to make her forgive the robot making thing. She rather thought that it would be. She was surprised at the amount of gratitude she felt for him. He'd been tortured for information about the key, and he hadn't said a word. She'd seen how badly beaten up he was, and she suspected that there was a lot of damage that she couldn't see. The fact that Spike would endure that for her and Dawn showed just how much he really had changed.

Buffy knew she couldn't stake Spike now. But that didn't mean she was going to tell him that.

------------

Spike woke slowly, and with the return of consciousness came the return of the pain. He could feel it lancing through his entire body, but mostly concentrated around his head and chest area. His legs were pretty much intact, but that didn't mean that Glory had neglected them entirely.

He tried to open his eyes to see where he was, but he could only see through one and what he could see was blurry and indistinct. He lay still and tried to relax, using his other senses. He could tell he was lying on a bed, but that could mean anything. Glory had a bed. He could smell something familiar, something comforting, but his mind was too foggy for him to make a connection.

He hoped he was somewhere safe, somewhere that wasn't near Glory. He couldn't remember much other that being tortured, and the pain. Spike tried to think. Glory had wanted the key… and he hadn't told her. Why hadn't he told her? He must have had a good reason to put up with the pain. The key… Dawn! That's why he hadn't told her. He couldn't give up Dawn. Spike was confused. Why couldn't he give up Dawn? He was a vampire, evil, he should have been happy to do it.

No, that wasn't right. He wasn't really a vampire any more. He remembered that. Sunlight and crosses didn't hurt him. Glory had found that out. She'd tried to use crosses and holy water on him, and he'd laughed at her. It really had been very funny, she'd gotten so pissed. Spike tried to laugh until the movement served to remind him that he was in a great deal of pain.

There was still something missing, a gap in his memory. He'd tried to escape, but why had Glory taken him in the first place? That's right, her moron followers had thought he was the key. Why? Suddenly it all clicked together. They'd thought the Slayer was protecting him. But it was a robot, not the real thing.

The real thing?

Buffy!

Spike sat bolt upright on the bed, and then cried out in pain as his broken ribs dug into him and the wounds on his chest broke open and began to bleed again. He fell back limp on the bed as the pain coursed through him, almost making him want to die. He knew that his injuries wouldn't kill him, but that didn't mean they didn't hurt. He healed fast, but he was so beat up that even his vampire healing wouldn't deal with this in a week or two. 

The next couple of months were not going to be much fun.

Spike heard voices downstairs and finally realised he was in Buffy's house. From what he could figure he was in her mother's room, since the bed didn't smell like either Buffy or Dawn. It didn't really smell of anything, like no one had used it for a while. That tracked with his original assessment. He wondered if he was ever going to be able to move. He was really hungry, and he didn't think that the guys downstairs would be particularly interested in serving him blood in bed.

He was wondering if they'd heard him cry out when he heard footsteps on the stairs. There was still a heated conversation going on downstairs, and Spike had no doubt that it was about him. More specifically, he thought it was probably about what they were going to do with him. Or to him. He wondered if they'd found out about the robot yet. It was a definite stakage for him if they had.

He didn't have time to dwell on the issue. His ears alerted him to the quiet sound of the door opening. Someone slipped in silently and closed the door behind them. He could tell it was Buffy, even without looking. Her smell, the silent way she moved, he knew it all. That was one of the more positive results of obsession. He would never be fooled by a doppelganger.

Spike tried to open his eyes and turn his head so he could see her. He groaned when the side of his face touched the pillow, and instantly jerked his head up straight again. Whatever Glory had done to his face, it wasn't pleasant. Buffy was at his side before the pain receded.

"Don't move, Spike," she said quietly. "It'll hurt more if you move. And I don't want you passing out again." Buffy seemed to realise that she was being too nice to him. "If you pass out, I won't get answers. And I want answers, Spike."

Inside his head, Spike swore. So she wasn't going to forgive him then? From her attitude towards him she obviously knew about the robot. Bloody hell, was nothing good enough for her? He'd been tortured to within an inch of his existence, and she still wasn't going to forgive him. If he had the energy, Spike would have gotten angry. What was the point? It would never be enough for her.

Buffy saw Spike's body tense up and realised that she may have gone a bit too far for him to handle in his current state. Her voice really hadn't been very forgiving. She softened her tone. "Are you hungry, Spike?"

Spike moved his head in a barely perceptible imitation of a nod. He felt Buffy get up and leave the room, and he was now thoroughly confused. She always sent him such mixed signals. One moment she was angry enough to stake him, and the next she's offering to get him dinner. He never knew where he stood with her. He always had to be on his toes, and never let his guard down. Being near Buffy always filled him with a feeling of excitement and anticipation, and he had to stick around to find out what was coming next. Never a dull moment. He wondered if she felt anything similar when she was around him.

Probably not.

His musings were interrupted when Buffy returned with a mug of warm blood. Just the smell of it was enough to drive him crazy. He may not have a taste for human blood any more, but that didn't mean he didn't need anything at all. He still needed blood to survive, and it would also help him heal. He'd grown accustomed to the taste of animal blood now, and at some point since he'd been helping out Buffy, he found he actually preferred the taste.

He tried to lift his arms to grasp the mug Buffy was holding for him, but his body protested the movement and he tried not to groan. Buffy saw how much pain he was in, and felt guilty that he had been subjected to it because of her. Even if he was a vampire, Spike didn't deserve this. Nobody deserved this. It was barbaric. Spike looked so defeated that he couldn't even feed himself, and Buffy's heart wrenched in sympathy.

"Shhh, Spike. It's okay," she said, trying to make her voice as comforting as possible. "Don't move. I already told you that. Here, I'll help you." She held the mug up to his lips and held his head up a little, and although he wanted to protest about being fed like an infant, he was far too hungry. He swallowed his humiliation and opened his mouth. Buffy tilted the mug slowly so Spike could drink on his back without choking. 

When the mug was empty Buffy slowly lowered his head to the pillow and moved back from the bed. Spike almost protested at the loss of contact. Buffy's presence had temporarily made him forget about the pain, or at least made him able to ignore it. He hurt too much for anything to make him forget about it.

He wondered why Buffy was still standing there. He hadn't opened his eyes, but he could feel her and she wasn't moving. Was she staring at him or was she trying not to look? Spike knew that he must look like hell. He probably looked worse than he felt, and considering how bad he felt… 

"Was that enough?" came Buffy's voice. "Do you need more?"

Spike took a moment to make sense of her words. She actually sounded concerned. He managed to make a sound that he hoped sounded like a no, and wondered if she was concerned for him or concerned for her sister. Spike didn't know if Buffy knew he hadn't said anything. At first he had thought that she must know, since she wouldn't be being this nice to him otherwise, but doubt was creeping into his mind and suggesting that she was just trying to keep him alive until she could find out whether he'd given her up or not.

He felt Buffy still standing there and tried to sit up so he could see her. He got halfway up before the pain hit him, and he was able to catch a glimpse of Buffy moving towards him as he fell back and blackness claimed him.

-----------

Buffy grimaced as Spike passed out again. He looked absolutely terrible, and she could see how much pain he was in. Some of the wounds on his chest had began to bleed again, and Buffy wondered if maybe they should have bandaged him up a little. They hadn't before, because they weren't quite sure of the best way to deal with injuries on a vampire. Doctoring the undead wasn't Buffy's usual line of work.

They had cleaned him up some though. Buffy had asked Willow to deal with Spike as best she could. They'd cleaned all the dried blood and the dirt from the elevator shaft out of his wounds, and they'd cleaned all the blood off his face. Willow had said that a lot of the cuts and things would heal quickly enough on their own, but she didn't know about the broken bones and the hole in his chest.

As she thought about it, Buffy looked at Spike's chest. There was a hole just above his heart that looked like it could have been made by a thin stake. If it was, Spike had come incredibly close to being dust. That thought worried her more than she liked.

Shaking her head, Buffy walked over to the door. Taking another look at Spike, she admitted to herself that he really had proven her trust in him. What he'd endured for them… the gratitude Buffy felt went beyond words. She decided that she'd really have to thank him the next time he came to.

Then, when he was better, she'd beat him up about the robot.

Buffy smiled at the thought and left the room, then headed downstairs to clean out Spike's mug. Walking past the lounge room on her way to the kitchen, she heard Willow speaking.

"I found it, I found where she's broken. Some of these wires got fried extra crispy. It's an easy fix."

"Will," Buffy called from the hallway, her tone obviously threatening.

"Not that I would…" said Willow sheepishly. 

Buffy smiled to herself and went into the kitchen. Cleaning out a mug of blood wasn't one of her favourite pastimes, but if she left it until Spike could do it himself it would be even worse. A mug sitting in the kitchen with dried blood all over it? No thanks. Actual alive people had to eat in there too.

Just as she'd finished cleaning up the kitchen, Xander came in and leaned against the doorway. "We're all going to take off now, okay Buff?" 

"Sure Xand," replied Buffy. "Thanks for all your help today."

Xander shrugged. "No problem. All in a day's work for a member of the Scooby Gang." He paused for a second, hesitating over his next question. "You're going to be all right here with dead-boy junior upstairs?"

Buffy smirked. "I think we'll be okay. Spike's not really in any condition to cause trouble. And didn't we agree to trust him?"

"Yeah, I guess… but he did build a robot Buffy. Are you just going to forget that? We all know what he wanted it for."

"Don't remind me," said Buffy. "I'm going to have enough nightmares as it is. But he also protected us, and he didn't tell Glory about Dawn. Don't you think he deserves some credit?"

Xander nodded, but Buffy could tell it was reluctant, and mostly for her benefit. She knew Xander still didn't trust Spike, and definitely didn't like him. He tolerated him because Buffy said she would trust him. 

"Anyway, we're going to head out. You know Anya…" Buffy rolled her eyes, and Xander grinned. "Will and Tara have classes tomorrow and Giles has to open the shop, so we thought we'd give you and the Dawnster a bit of peace for a change."

Buffy smiled, grateful. "Thanks. I think we could do with some alone time. The past couple of weeks haven't exactly been…" she trailed off and Xander walked over and gave her a hug. 

"It'll get better Buffy," he whispered into her hair. "It'll get better."

Buffy gave him a quick squeeze and let him go. "You're a good friend Xander. We'll be okay. It's hard, but we'll get through." She took his hand and led him to the door where the others were waiting. Anya latched on the him and Buffy smiled to herself. Those two were a couple she'd never thought would last. She gave Willow a quick hug and bade everyone goodbye. Willow told her that they'd put the robot in the garage until they could get rid of it properly. Buffy didn't much like having a robotic copy of her in her house, but at least it was out of the way and somewhere where she wouldn't have to look at it.

She closed the door behind her friends and looked around, wondering where Dawn was. "Dawn?" she called.

"I'm upstairs," came the faint reply.

"What'cha doing?"

"Nothing."

Buffy heard the context behind Dawn's 'nothing'. She could guess what her little sister was up to. Buffy went quietly up the stairs and straight to her mom's room, where Spike was currently convalescing. Dawn had always been friendly with Spike. Even the first time she met him, when he didn't have a chip. He'd come to help her deal with Angelus, and Buffy's identity as the slayer was finally revealed to her family. Dawn didn't get the whole 'evil vampire' thing at first. Spike was the first vampire she met, and she'd thought he was cool.

Buffy opened the door just enough to look inside, and quietly enough that Dawn wouldn't hear. She saw Spike still unconscious on the bed, and Dawn was sitting in a comfy armchair across the room, just watching him.

Dawn was fascinated by the way Spike didn't breathe when he was asleep. He did when he was awake, despite the fact that vampires didn't really need to. 'Some habits of life must be hard to break,' she thought. 'I wonder if he ever just forgets to breathe when he's awake.'

Buffy opened the door fully and startled Dawn out of her reverie. Buffy almost laughed at the way she looked guilty for being there. She got up to leave, but Buffy waved her back down and went over and sat next to Dawn on the arm of the chair.

Dawn looked up at her and then back to Spike. "He saved us today, didn't he?" she asked in a whisper, not wanting to wake Spike. Buffy nodded. "Is he going to be okay?"

Buffy sighed. "I think he'll be all right. I know he looks pretty bad, but he's a vampire. Vampires heal quickly, so he should be back to normal in a month or so. He just needs a bit of time." She glossed over how bad his injuries really were. She didn't want to alarm Dawn unnecessarily, although it was quite obvious that Spike was really badly hurt.

Dawn always knew when Buffy was holding something back. She was obviously trying not to worry her, but she could see for herself how badly Spike was injured. Even vampire healing wouldn't totally deal with all of it in a month.

"Will you let him stay?"

"What?" Buffy was surprised by the question.

"Can he stay here while he gets better?" Dawn made it sound like the proposition was entirely reasonable.

Buffy was still doubtful. "I don't know Dawn…" She knew Spike needed help, but having him around the house all the time… 

"Come on Buffy," Dawn was determined. "He's like this because of us, the least we can do is put him up. At leat until he can take care of himself. And Glory took him from his crypt didn't she? Do you want her to take him again?"

Buffy looked at her hands, feeling guilty all over again. "You're right. He's definitely earned it. Fine, have it your way. He can stay," Buffy paused and gave Dawn an evil look. "but you have to help feed him. There's no way I'm going to give him blood three times a day. Do you know how disgusting it is?"

Dawn tried not to laugh at her sister's tone. She could tell that Buffy didn't really mind that much, and it was the first time she'd seen her this relaxed in a while. Buffy always had too many things on her mind, too many people to take care of, and too many lives to juggle. It was good to see that she was going to finally allow herself to live again.

-------------

Buffy smiled after her sister as she left the room to get ready for bed. They'd sat in the armchair and talked quietly, sometimes ignoring the fact that there was a beaten up vampire sleeping in the room, sometimes talking about it. Buffy finally realised how much she'd drifted away from Dawn since their mother had died, and she regretted it. Dawn had needed her, and Buffy had been too lost to realise it. 

But they were all they had, and eventually that breeds stronger bonds. Buffy thought that they might actually be getting closer now. Strange how certain events can change your perspective on things. Dawn could have been revealed today, but she wasn't. She'd been saved by an old enemy, someone Buffy was supposed to hate. 

Looking at Spike, Buffy hoped that Glory wouldn't try and torture anyone else in an effort to find the key. Any one of her other friends would have died from the wounds that Spike sustained. She couldn't handle it if she lost someone else. Losing her mother had made her see death as something so much more real than she had ever imagined. Death had always seemed like a defeatable opponent. She'd died herself once, and she'd come back. She'd always assumed that she was going to be the first to die, and she had been, but she had thought she was going to be the first to stay dead. She had the dangerous calling, she faced death every day. One day it was going to get her and not let her go. She'd thought that she would be first, and as such had never prepared for the possibility of losing her family.

And it hurt almost more than she could bear.

Buffy wondered how she would be coping without Dawn in her life. True, she wouldn't have to deal with Glory, but she would be alone. Intellectually Buffy knew that she had lived the first 19 years or so of her life as an only child, but her memories told her differently. Thinking abut life without Dawn was almost painful. She couldn't just imagine her gone, because if she was gone, she was dead. She couldn't just stop existing as Dawn and go back to being some mystical swirl of energy. The person who was Dawn would still be dead.

Buffy swore to herself that she would never let any of those monks who created Dawn take her back. When Glory and the threat she represented was gone, Dawn was staying right where she was. The key was her sister now, and she was not going to let that go. The monks sent the key to her, and they were just going to have to accept the fact that they weren't getting it back. If any of them were still alive.

Spike groaned, and Buffy's attention was instantly fixed on the blond vampire. She got up and moved closer to him, sitting on the edge of the bed. This close, she could see that the smaller wounds on his face and chest had already healed, and some of the swelling around his eyes and jaw had gone down.

Spike opened his eyes to see Buffy sitting next to him. He could see more clearly now, though his left eye still wouldn't open fully. He saw the concerned expression on Buffy's face, and decided that he hadn't dreamed the earlier encounter.

"Hey pet," he croaked out. 

"Feel any better yet, Spike?" asked Buffy.

Spike fought down the urge to laugh. "I think I do, actually. And considering I feel like I've been tortured, I _really_ must have felt bad before.

Buffy chuckled. "You look a bit better than a couple of hours ago, anyway. And you still look like shit. If you feel even half as bad as you look, then you have my sympathies."

"Half as bad?" Spike sounded indignant. "I can't really see myself, but I reckon I feel about twice as bad a I look. And you should be sympathetic, Slayer. I'm only like this because of you."

"I know," said Buffy quietly, and Spike would have kicked himself if he could. He could hear the guilt in her voice. He hadn't meant to really make her feel bad. He was about to apologise when Buffy stopped him.

"Are you hungry?"

"What? Yeah, a bit."

Buffy got up off the bed. "Okay, I'll be right back. See if you can sit up yet, and maybe I won't have to feed you myself this time. Pouring blood down your throat is a little offputting for my own meals."

Spike smiled at her as she left the room. He felt like hell, but just being around her made him feel better. The pain didn't go away, but she took his mind off it. He wondered if he should stay where he was so Buffy would have to feed him again, but he decided not to push his luck. He slowly lifted himself up and lent back against the headboard. He'd just managed to find a position where his ribs didn't dig into him when the door opened and Buffy came in again.

Buffy was relieved when she saw him sitting up. Maybe he would heal faster than she originally thought. She gave him the mug of warm blood and retreated back to her chair while he drank it. She realised that his game face didn't come out when he drank any more. She remembered when Spike had been staying with Giles when he first got his chip he had always changed whenever he was hungry. Maybe it was just something else about him that had changed over the past year.

Spike smirked into his cup when he noticed Buffy starting at him. He looked away, not wanting to embarrass her or do anything to make her kick him out. He doubted that he'd be able to make it back to his crypt if she did. On the upside, he'd have all day to drag himself there. He definitely would have been fried a month ago.

He wondered if he would have talked had Glory caught him a month before. Sure, he still loved Buffy, but he hadn't changed so far that he wouldn't have been able to do it. He was still a full vampire then, thinking he was still meant to be the epitome of evil. He might have spilled just to get his groove back. The thought made him sick. After what he went through that day, he had now sold himself to Dawn as much as Buffy. He was theirs, heart, body, and whatever substitute he used for his soul.

He drained the last of the blood and held the mug out to Buffy.

She glared at him. "I'm not your slave, Spike."

"No, but I don't think you want a blood-covered mug sitting around up here. You know how bad blood is when it dries. Now, I would do it myself, but I've got this little problem where I can't move…"

Buffy just glared at him some more. "You're a monster Spike, you really are."

Despite the glare her tone was light, so Spike decided to play. "Maybe. So what am I doing in the Slayer's house?"

"You're getting better so I can kick your butt."

"What?"

"What, I'm meant to forget the whole robot me thing? No, Spike. That's going to hurt you."

Spike had the decency to look guilty. "I didn't do anything with it, pet. Your Watcher must have told you that. I didn't even want the thing when it showed up. I ordered it just after you'd deinvited me, I really was pretty pissed at you."

Buffy nodded. "I know. And I know what you did for Dawn and I today, which is why you're getting off light. Light meaning you're not staked. I heard some of the things you said to Glory, and I have to say, I'm impressed. I almost fell off the wall when you called her a cheap skanky whore."

Spike laughed. "It was worth the broken ribs for the look on her face. I'd like to tell her again if I could do it without bloody dying."

Buffy smiled. "I don't doubt that. And the Bob Barca deal? Inspiring."

"Always hated that guy."

Buffy got up and took the empty blood mug from Spike, then walked to the door. "Try to sleep some more." She paused after opening the door, her back to him. "Thank you, for what you did today." The door closed behind her.

"Anytime, luv."

**End Chapter 6**

_Sorry nothing much happens in this chapter, I just felt like some Buffy/Spike character stuff, and I thought it was better to get something up since it's been a while since my last chapter._


	7. Clarity

AN: None of the BtVS characters belong to me, we all know this

_None of the BtVS characters belong to me, we all know this. If they did, would I be sharing? I don't think so_.

**Chapter 7: Clarity**

Sitting in the bath, Glory raged silently. Silently was something new for her, but being loud would bring in those scabby morons that worshipped her, and she didn't want to see them. They always failed, and seeing something as ugly as them never made her feel good.

So Glory raged silently about the key. She knew it was human, so it had to be someone around the Slayer. The vampire was a dead end. He was never going to talk. She'd seen it in his eyes, in the way he defied her. There was something off about that vampire.

He wasn't the key. He couldn't be the key, because the key was pure. Vampires weren't. But there was something about the Slayer's pet vampire that tickled her mind, and her curiosity. He hadn't been affected by crosses or holy water. He'd laughed when she'd had him dragged into the sunlight. She'd had to rely on the torture that worked for humans, and while that had hurt him, he knew that he would still be alive at the end of it.

And he didn't smell right. He smelt like a vampire, but he didn't. He didn't have a soul, Glory could smell those a mile away. So why was he helping the Slayer? Vampires were meant to be evil. Okay, they were pathetic evil, but most of them at least tried. This one seemed to be proud that he wasn't. Proud that he was shaming his kind. Normally, she would have loved it.

At the moment, it was just pissing her off.

She couldn't find the key. It was so close, but she couldn't find it. She had told the morons to spy on the Slayer and her friends, and bring her the key. That hadn't worked, they'd brought her a vampire. So she'd made them tell her everything that they'd seen, and she was trying to work it out herself.

It wasn't the mother, she was dead. And humans had parents, that's how things worked. And it wasn't the ex-demon either. Glory had been close enough to her before to sense the demon residue left behind in her. That ruled her out, because it made purity in her impossible. 

The Watcher. He was a possibility, but Slayers had to have a Watcher. If he was the key, then there was no Watcher. He was a possibility, but a very small one.

The boy. He seemed useless, so what was he doing in the group? He was supposedly dating the demon girl, but they could fake that for cover. He also appeared to be very close to the Slayer. The boy was a better chance than the Watcher.

The witches. They made Glory think. The blond witch was new to the group, which made her seem a likely suspect but it could also mean nothing. The redhead actually had a life outside the group, and had too many associations with different people. She was out.

The only one left was the Slayer's sister. Glory actually kind of liked her. She had spunk. And what better way for the Slayer to protect the key than for it to be her own sister? But the monks would have had to create her over a decade ago. From the Slayer's relationship with her sister it was incredibly obvious that they had a real sibling relationship. That couldn't be faked. So the sister was out.

There was nobody left. It had to be one of them. The best chances were the boy and the blond witch. They were the only ones that seemed possible, but they didn't feel right. Just like the vampire hadn't felt right.

Maybe it _was_ the vampire. After all, if the monks could fake humanity, they could fake impurity.

-------------

Spike woke slowly, his thoughts drifting between dreaming and reality. As he became more aware, he decided he didn't like reality. Reality hurt. Cursing under his breath, Spike sat up slowly and was surprised to find that he really felt much better than he had the last time he was conscious.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up slowly. He was a little unsteady on his feet, but he didn't collapse. Glory hadn't paid too much attention to his legs, something he was glad for. It was good that he was able to move around. He didn't know how long the Slayer's new nice act toward him was going to hold up. He was going to need to move if he was going to eat.

He walked over to the window and opened to curtains. He was surprised to find that the sun had just risen, and more surprised to find that he hadn't even thought about flinching in the sunlight. Sure, he'd been able to survive in sunlight for a while now, but 120 years of living in the night and fearing day isn't something you get over quickly.

Letting the curtains fall back Spike looked down at himself, surveying the damage. From what he could see of his chest, most of the cuts had healed to red lines, all but the deepest. And the hole in his chest still burned. Other than that, the only other damage he could see was bruises, and his ribs were still sore. He put a hand to his face and winced as the pressure caused pain, but he wasn't surprised. Glory had really gone to work on his head. He still could only half open one of his eyes. 

He looked around for a shirt, thinking it probably wasn't a good idea to go wandering around the house looking like he did. He couldn't hide his face, but he could cover his chest. Maybe he could convince the Nibblet that he wasn't as badly hurt as he looked. 

A quick scan of the floor and the chairs didn't reveal his shirt, and he remembered that it had been torn and bloody anyway. Spike glanced at the cupboard, but didn't think he would find anything in there. This was Joyce's room, and he couldn't see her keeping spare men's shirts in her wardrobe. Realizing that he would find nothing here, Spike opened the door to the room and crept quietly out into the hall.

He knew that Buffy and Dawn were typically late risers, Buffy because she was normally out late, and Dawn because she just liked to stay up late. He didn't want to wake them, Summers women were probably bloody cranky in the mornings. He walked slowly down the stairs to the kitchen, and was relieved to find it empty.

Opening the fridge, Spike smiled when he found that the bottom shelf had about ten bags of blood on it. Pulling one out, he closed the fridge and fished his mug out of the sink where it was evidently been soaking. He rinsed it out and poured the blood into it, the smell making him almost hungry enough to drink it cold. He could, and he had before, but cold blood was too thick for his tastes. Warm went down easier.

After putting the mug in the microwave and setting it for a few minutes, Spike headed slowly down to the basement. He thought maybe he'd be able to find a shirt there, maybe something someone had left behind. Privately, he was hoping that he would find something belonging to the Slayer's father or something, anything but one of captain cardboard's old shirts.

Turning on the light, Spike despaired of finding anything. The basement was a mess. It wasn't the sort of mess that you get when you just throw things down randomly, it was more _controlled_. It was the kind of mess you get when you've tried to be neat, but there's simply too much stuff. The kind of mess where you go through every box and what you're looking for is in the very last one you search. The kind of mess where it is impossible to find _anything_.

Spike didn't even bother. He turned off the light and went back upstairs, thinking he'd look in the laundry. He closed the door to the basement, and spun around when he heard a foot scuff the floor.

Dawn saw Spike wince when he moved too quickly. She hadn't expected to find him out of bed, and looking at him she thought he still looked like the walking dead. Which he was, technically, but he usually didn't look like he'd been dead for a week or two. 

"Morning Nibblet," said Spike, trying to keep the pain out of his voice.

"What are you doing up, Spike?"

He shrugged. "I was bored. Well, and hungry." The microwave beeped. "Mind fetching my breakfast? Walking wounded here and all."

Dawn sighed and Spike sat down at the table. She got his mug out of the microwave, and tried not to look disgusted. Knowing Spike drank blood was one thing, getting it out of the microwave for him was another. She wondered how she would ever be able to heat up pizza again.

"Thanks. Don't suppose there's a chance of a shirt around here somewhere?"

"Sure," said Dawn, trying not to sound disappointed. Even with the cuts and stuff on him, he was still amazing to look at. She quickly went to the laundry and fetched Spike a shirt. When she gave it to him, Spike looked at her quizzically.

"This is my shirt."

"Yep."

"Why do you have one of my shirts? Buffy stealing my clothes now?"

Dawn snorted. "Hardly. We got Xander to go by your crypt and get some of your stuff since Buffy said you would be staying a while. Your other shirt was covered in blood, so you can't wear that. And it's ripped too. Of course, Xander can't tell the difference between clean and dirty clothes, so we had to wash that for you." She pointed to the shirt he was buttoning up.

"Remind me to thank him. No, sod that. I'll thank you and big sis. He only did it because you asked him to, right?"

Dawn shook her head. "Actually, when Buffy told him you were going to stay, he went and got them himself. Heard him muttering something about not wanting you walking around naked. Personally…" she looked slyly at Spike.

He tried to look shocked while trying not to laugh. "Hey, ease off there little bit. Don't let the Slayer hear you saying that. Stake me good and proper then, she would."

Dawn smiled. "She wouldn't. Not after what you did for us. Thanks for that, by the way. Besides, I think she…" Dawn suddenly cut off as Buffy walked into the kitchen. "…is grateful as well," she finished, hoping she didn't sound desperate.

Buffy just raised an eyebrow, but let it slide. "Uh-huh. Dawn, you should eat something. You've got school soon."

"I know. But have you seen what's sitting here?" She gestured to Spike, who looked indignant. "How can I eat when I've just seen him enjoy a nice cup of warm blood?"

Buffy grimaced. "I see your point. I guess I'm just a bit more used to it than you."

"Ladies," said Spike. "Sitting right over here. Thinking about getting insulted. Do I make comments about how disgusting your race's traditional food is?"

"What's our traditional food?" asked Dawn.

Spike shrugged. "I don't know. That's why I don't comment on it. McDonald's, maybe?"

Buffy laughed. "Probably. Just finish up Spike. I want Dawn to get to school at some point today. And before she does that, she needs to eat."

"Don't worry about it, Buffy," said Dawn. "I think I've lost my appetite. I'll skip breakfast this morning."

"Dawn, you need to eat."

"You're not."

"Not yet. But I don't have to get to school. You do. I'll eat later."

To Spike, this sounded like a regular argument. Buffy's voice sounded tired, like she couldn't be bothered, and Dawn sounded like it was all routine. As he thought about it, he realized that neither of the girls looked like they'd been eating properly.

"Pet, Nibblet," interrupted Spike, "How about I make you both breakfast?" Buffy and Dawn both looked disgusted for a minute, and Spike realized he'd been misunderstood. "Not blood, luv. Pancakes."

Buffy looked relieved, then skeptical. "Pancakes?"

"Sure, " Spike smiled. "You'd be amazed at what you can learn to do from daytime television."

"I'd like pancakes," put in Dawn.

"No problem Platelet. As long as you have to ingredients?" Buffy nodded. "Great. Be about 20 minutes, so why don't you go get ready for school?" Dawn glanced at Buffy, then left the kitchen and headed upstairs.

As Spike moved around the kitchen looking for what he needed, Buffy watched him from the table. He seemed like a totally different person. The last time she'd seen him before she rescued him from Glory he had been upset and confused, and now he seemed… peaceful. Buffy couldn't think of a better word. He was back to his usual self, but without too many cutting remarks. Suddenly feeling awkward, Buffy tried to make conversation.

"I'm surprised you're moving about. I thought you'd be in bed for at least another day."

Spike looked over his shoulder, but didn't stop what he was doing. "Couldn't stand it. Glory didn't pay my legs much attention, so I can walk fine."

"You still look like hell."

Spike smirked, then winced. "Well, she seemed to like hitting me in the face." Buffy immediately looked guilty, and Spike could have kicked himself. "Don't worry about it pet. I don't think it's as bad as it looks. Just bruises and cuts, they'll be gone in no time."

Buffy tried to smile. "Yeah, vampire healing. One of the perks, I suppose. Is there anything worse?"

Spike shrugged, trying to pretend that he wasn't that hurt, trying to sound nonchalant. "I think some of my ribs are broken, they'll take a while to heal. And my right arm hurts when I use it too much. I think so long as no one tries to kill me again," he shot a glace at Buffy, "I'll be good as new in a week."

Buffy sighed, relieved. "Good. I'm sorry you got hurt. You shouldn't have been involved like that."

Spike flipped a pancake onto a plate and handed it to Buffy. "Don't worry about it. Won't kill me."

"It might."

"Take a lot more than this," he gestured to himself.

"I guess," said Buffy. "You're healing a lot faster than I thought you would. I guess Glory needs lessons on how to torture vampires."

Spike shuddered. "I hope nobody gives them to her. I might be healing, but it still hurt."

Dawn walked back into the kitchen, and Spike handed her a plate with a couple of pancakes. "Thanks," said Dawn. She sat down next to Buffy and began to eat. "Hey, these are really good, Spike."

Spike smiled. "Glad you like them. Don't really have much call to cook, but I do know how." He began to clean up, have used all the mixture. By the time he was done, Dawn and Buffy were finished eating, and Dawn was about to leave for school.

She grabbed her book bag and walked to the front door. "See you this afternoon, Buffy, Spike."

"Have fun," called Buffy.

"Buffy, it's school," replied Dawn from the door.

"Oh. Right. Well, don't have fun then. Don't get expelled."

"That's you, remember?"

Spike tried not to laugh at Buffy's expression. He heard the front door close, and turned to Buffy. "She got you there. What have you got going today?"

Buffy shrugged. "I was meant to be looking after you, but it seems that you don't really need it."

"Looking after me? I'm touched, Slayer."

"It's nothing personal. I'm still going to beat you up as soon as you're healthy again."

The comment was typical Buffy, but Spike could tell her heart wasn't in it. He tried to get her riled up. "What if I fight back?"

Buffy froze, knowing Spike was perfectly capable of fighting back now. She'd almost forgotten that his chip wasn't working any more. Then she remembered that he didn't know that she knew, and decided to play along. "You can't fight back. Well, not without getting a massive migraine. You can't even try to beat me up any more Spike. That's very sad. And pathetic."

Spike smiled, thinking how much of a shock it would be if he actually did fight back. Buffy wouldn't see it coming. "I'll fight back one day. You'll never see me coming."

"I will. And if you fight back, you die. We've made this clear haven't we?"

Spike put his hands up, doing his best to be non-threatening. "Hey, easy there Slayer. No need for the death threats. You know I'm not going to try and kill you. I mean, I'm bloody sunlight vampire now. Or did you forget?"

Buffy shook her head. "I didn't forget. You seem okay with that now. You weren't before. What happened?"

Spike just shrugged. "I worked it out. I worked out what I did to change, why I changed, and I accepted it. I mean, I don't have any of those nasty vampire weaknesses any more. This thing has a _huge_ upside."

"So you're not upset that you're not the big bad any more?"

Spike shook his head. "I really haven't been for the past year or so. Now I just have a good excuse."

"I'm glad you're okay with it," said Buffy, getting up from the table. Spike took her plate and put it in the sink. "We really need your help right now, especially to protect Dawn. I can't do it by myself." She looked down at herself, suddenly embarrassed, and realized that she was still in a bathrobe. "I'm going to go and get dressed. If you want to change, your clothes are in the laundry. Oh, and have a shower. You still have blood on you."

As Buffy walked out of the kitchen, Spike called after her. "I will help. Whatever you need." Buffy didn't reply, but Spike smiled to himself. Buffy hadn't been antagonistic toward him yet, and that was definitely a good sign. Things might finally be starting to look up.

------------

Buffy was reading on her bed when she heard the phone ring. She hadn't even had time to get up when it stopped, so she assumed Spike had answered the phone. She went back to reading, figuring that Spike would call her if it was for her. These days, it was usually someone trying to sell her something.

There was a knock on her door, and Spike's voice drifted through the wood. "Buffy? The phone's for you. It's Dawn's school."

Buffy couldn't jump off the bed fast enough. She raced into her mother's room, terrified that something had happened to Dawn. She picked up the phone, and a stray thought drifting through her head informed her that she really should move the phone into her room now.

"Hello?"

"Is this Buffy Summers?" came the reply.

"Yes. Has something happened? Is Dawn okay?" she couldn't keep the worry out of her voice.

The lady on the other end of the line must have heard it, since she obviously did her best to be calming. "No, nothing's happened. But we are very worried about your sister. The principal would like you to come in this afternoon so she can talk to you and Dawn. There's a few problems with Dawn at school, and we think that maybe it would be best if you come in."

"Problems?" Buffy was still worried.

"Nothing drastic, and nothing that hasn't happened before. Don't panic. Can you come for a meeting at three this afternoon?"

Buffy nodded, then felt like an idiot. "Yeah, I can come. Will you tell Dawn, or do I need to?"

"We've already talked to Dawn, so everything is organized. Thank you Ms. Summers, we'll see you this afternoon." The line went dead.

Buffy put the phone back in its cradle, and turned to see Spike leaning on the doorframe. "Is everything okay?" he asked, and Buffy could hear her own worry mirrored in his voice.

Buffy nodded, then shook her head. "I'm not sure. The principal wants to talk to me and Dawn together this afternoon. The lady on the phone sad that she's having problems at school, but it's noting drastic."

"But you're still worried." It wasn't a question.

"Of course. Dawn never had trouble at school before this whole key business. She did better than me, anyway."

Spike walked over to her and, testing his luck, gave her a quick hug. He pulled away before she could hit him, but from the look on her face there was no need. She actually looked almost grateful.

"It'll be all right, pet," he said softly. "You'll see."

------------

Buffy sat nervously in the foyer waiting for 3o'clock and for Dawn to show. She wished she hadn't told Spike not to come. He'd wanted to, which had surprised her, but considering the way he looked at the moment he probably shouldn't be out in public.

Without something to occupy her attention, Buffy was driving herself crazy with all the things she thought the principal could might her. They ranged from mildly bad to completely horrific, and most people would think most of them were unrealistic scenarios. But those people weren't in a family with a Slayer and a key, and they didn't have to worry about a hell god.

Buffy did, and with everything going on in her life right now, she felt she was entitled to some freaking out.

She was finally distracted from her thoughts when Dawn came around the corner looking dejected and worried. She'd been let out early from class for the meeting, and unlike Buffy, she had a fairly good idea what it was for. Buffy was totally going to freak.

She was surprised when Buffy got up and hugged her. She had expected to be glared at, for her to demand an explanation. She didn't know that Buffy was just so relieved to see her, and upset to see her looking dejected. Dawn returned the hug, but she couldn't stop making herself worry about what Buffy was going to think of her.

They broke apart, and Buffy smiled as reassuringly as she could at Dawn and stroked her hair. It was a familiar gesture, something that Buffy would do to comfort Dawn whenever she was upset or in trouble. Dawn tried to smile back, but Buffy could tell she was worried and uncertain.

Buffy had felt better the moment Dawn had showed up, and most of the things she had been imagining were no longer an issue. Dawn was alive and in one piece, and that made for something right in the world. Whatever the principal had to say couldn't be that bad.

The receptionist chose that moment to call them in, so Buffy didn't have to wait long to find out.

------------

Xander was headed toward the magic shop when he first became aware that he was being watched. Construction had knocked off early, since the delivery trucks hadn't showed up with their new supplies. They had needed a truckload of specially treated timber, and it was meant to arrive that morning. They'd done everything they could with what they had, but until the trucks arrived, nothing would get done.

He was walking because the site was close to the magic shop. It was easier to leave his car parked there than find a park on the street. Feeling eyes on him, he wondered if that had been a good idea. He picked up the pace a bit, but his path to the shop took him through some back alleys, and with Glory around he suddenly wished he'd taken the long way.

Even without Glory, this was still Sunnydale.

But it was day. Xander didn't really expect to be attacked during the day. This might be the Hellmouth, but vampires still formed the major part of the demon population. He wondered if maybe it was just someone normal trying to mug him. Sometimes human criminals got forgotten in the abundance of supernatural bad guys.

Still walking fast, Xander prayed that someone was going to mug him. Usually, weird thought, but with everything he'd seen a human with a knife would be like an infant with a lollipop. 

He tried to look behind him without appearing obvious. He didn't want to run, because if you run, someone will chase you, and they might be faster than you. If you keep walking, they should just keep tailing you. If you walk, you can hear if someone is trying to creep up on you. Walking was safe. Well, safer.

In most circumstances. 

Xander didn't know what circumstances he was in. He was nearing the magic shop, but he wasn't close enough. He wouldn't be close enough until he was inside. Not for the first time, Xander wished he'd done something about protecting himself. Willow was a witch, and Buffy was the Slayer. What was he? Even Spike was more able to protect himself.

As soon as he got to the magic shop, he was asking Buffy for fighting lessons.

Assuming he got there.

He'd picked up a few tricks from just being around for the past couple of years, but for some things, it was nowhere near enough. Xander realised that he'd come almost to the verge of running, and cursed himself for a fool. He stopped, and turned around, deliberately being obvious. There was no one, or nothing, in sight, but that never meant anything. He shrugged and resumed walking, trying to keep to a casual pace and pretend nothing was wrong.

He'd shown that he knew something was there, and that had been his only advantage. He'd now given himself a different one. Whatever was following him would now think him an idiot. He'd dismissed the danger, and was once again totally unsuspecting.

Apparently.

Being a soldier one Halloween had been one of the best things that had happened to him, disaster wise. It had come in handy more than once before, and now it would serve again. When he thought about it, Xander had a brilliant grasp of tactics. Of course, since they were military they usually didn't apply anywhere he could use them, but for some situations…

The scuff of a foot on the pavement behind him was all the warning he had. He ducked and felt a rush of air as something passed through right where his head had been. Still crouched, he stepped back as he turned to face his attacker.

His eyes widened as he took it in. This, he was not expecting. Something caught him on the back of the head, and blackness claimed him.

------------

Buffy was furious, and trying not to show it. She wasn't doing a very good job. She was also scared out of her mind, but she was doing a better job controlling that. She couldn't let Dawn see she was scared. Making her worry like that wouldn't help anything.

They were on their way home after the meeting with the principal of Dawn's school. Apparently, Dawn had been cutting. It was the first she'd heard of it, Dawn had done a marvelous job of sneaking around. Buffy supposed she'd learnt it from her.

She couldn't help but feel proud for some reason.

Despite that, she was still upset with Dawn. She could see why she'd done it, Buffy herself probably would have done the same thing. Dawn had too many things going on in her life right now. But she still shouldn't be skipping school. Buffy refused to let Dawn get herself expelled like she had been.

Buffy was definitely keeping a tighter rein on her fear than her fury. Dawn would understand her being mad, but she didn't know the reason she was scared.

The principal had sent Dawn out of the room for a few minutes to talk with Buffy alone. She'd told her that Social Services was taking an interest in her. If Dawn continued to cut school, they might find Buffy unfit be to a legal guardian. They'd take Dawn away.

Buffy refused to let her go.

She couldn't lose Dawn, not now, not with everything else in her life. Dawn needing her gave her one more reason to hang on to this life, and she loved her too much to let her be taken away.

She also had a feeling that Dawn wouldn't be able to handle it. Despite all her memories, Dawn knew that she hadn't existed in this life a year ago. If she was taken away, she would lose the only life she'd ever known. She would leave the only people she'd ever truly known. People who actually loved her despite knowing what she was. People who didn't care that their memories had been altered for her, but were glad for it.

There was one good side to this whole situation. Apparently Dawn had been at school the last week or so. Before that, since she'd found out she was the key, she'd gone maybe twice or three times a week. After their mother had died, if she showed up once it was a good week. The last week, Dawn had gone every day, been in all her classes, and even done the work. Buffy had been called in because the school had wanted her to be aware of the situation, it seemed to her that they didn't believe that Dawn would continue showing up regularly.

Buffy couldn't think of a reason for Dawn's sudden reversal. It could just be that she was beginning to accept the death of their mother, but Buffy didn't think so. Things had calmed down around Dawn recently, despite the ever present threat of Glory. In fact, things had calmed down in general expect for Spike's remarkable change and his getting tortured by Glory.

Having a friend tortured by a hellgod definitely didn't count as calm.

It took Buffy a moment to realize that she'd referred to Spike as a friend. Even in her head that was dangerous territory. She supposed he was, in a way, but she'd told him emphatically that they weren't. Buffy's pride was too strong for her to just back down from that statement.

Bringing her mind back to the present, Buffy turned her head to look at Dawn. She looked so upset that Buffy had a hard time staying mad. Despite how often she got angry at her sister, she could never stay that way. Fights with Dawn were always short and sharp. She couldn't remember one that had lasted more than a day.

Buffy really wanted to stay mad. She had to. She had to be the responsible one now, she had to be the one who put their foot down. But looking at Dawn, her anger just left her. How could she stay mad when time was she would have done the same thing? She wasn't the one to say it was important to be in school. She'd been expelled twice, and skipped half her classes besides.

Talk about being hypocritical.

Buffy had had an excuse, but telling anyone the real reason she was cutting so many classes and burning down school buildings would have landed her in a room with white padded walls. Dawn didn't have that excuse, but she was involved enough in Buffy's life that it still sort of applied.

Truthfully, Dawn's own excuse was just as good as Buffy's. Her mother had recently died, her sister was a Slayer, and she'd just found out that she hadn't even existed a year ago. Oh, and she also had an amazingly strong, unbeatable, super hellbeast after her.

The importance of school sort of paled in comparison.

Her expression softened when Dawn looked up to meet her gaze. There was something in her eyes, something that almost broke Buffy's heart. Dawn dropped her eyes again, and Buffy suddenly realized. 

It was shame.

For a moment, Buffy couldn't figure it out. Why would Dawn be ashamed? She knew Buffy's record in school. Buffy would have thought she would have tried to be defiant, used Buffy's own mistakes as a shield. Why wasn't she doing that?

They'd reached the house, and Buffy stopped on the porch. Dawn looked on the verge of tears. Not being able to stop herself any longer and at a loss for anything else to do, Buffy reached out and hugged her sister. Dawn latched on to her and started to cry.

The situation was so similar to when Dawn had tried to bring their mother back to life that Buffy found herself fighting off tears. They'd both broken down that day, finally allowing themselves to grieve.

Buffy knew this was different and she had to do something. She forced back the memories, and guided a still sobbing Dawn to the chair on the porch, sitting her down and wrapping her arms around her.

"Shhh, Dawnie. It's okay, don't cry." Buffy used one hand to stroke Dawn's hair, something that had always seemed to soothe Dawn. She just sat there silently holding her until Dawn calmed down.

"It's okay, Dawn" she said quietly. "You don't have to cry."

Dawn looked at her with eyes filled with guilt. "I'm sorry… I… I just…"

Buffy continued to stroke her hair. "I understand, Dawn. Really, I do."

"No, you don't…" her words were broken by sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm nothing but trouble for you. It's because of me… that you have to deal with Glory… that Spike was tortured… it's all because of me."

Buffy was shocked. She'd had no idea that Dawn had felt this way. She could see why she would, but that didn't mean it was true. Without Dawn in her life… she couldn't imagine it. she wouldn't.

"Dawn, sweetie, that's not true. You know that's not true. You didn't have a say in any of this. If you hate your life that much, blame the monks. I don't blame any of this on you. Spike doesn't blame you that he got hurt. Everything is Glory's fault. You've done nothing wrong."

"But Glory… she's my fault…" It seemed Dawn was determined to feel guilty. "And you have to look after me… I don't even exist."

"You do exist, and Glory is not your fault. As for looking after you, Dawn, I want to do that. You're not a chore. I love you, you're not just another thing I have to protect. If you weren't here…" Buffy chocked on her own words. "If you weren't here… after Mom died, I… don't know what I would have done. You… You're the reason I don't give up. You're the reason I'm still in the world. Without you…" Buffy couldn't help it, tears began to slide down her cheeks.

Dawn didn't know what to say. She knew she caused nothing but trouble and worry for Buffy. She knew Buffy loved her, the monks would have arranged it so she would, but this… "Buffy, I… How can you… You know I wasn't even in your life until recently, you survived for so long without me…"

Buffy shook her head and hugged Dawn tighter. "As far as I'm concerned, you've always been in my life. I know they're not my original memories, but I don't care. I wouldn't trade them back for anything. They feel real, and that's all that matters. You're not just something I'm protecting, Dawn. I don't see you as something I just got recently. You've always been my sister, and that's what you are to me, first and foremost. Whatever else you are… it doesn't matter to me."

Dawn finally relaxed. Ever since she'd found out that she was the key that Buffy was meant to protect, she'd wondered how her sister really felt about her. It had made her feel so alone to find that she had never really been a part of her family. She'd shut out the world, and tried not to feel anything. Her mother's death had made her shut out even more. She'd tried to tell herself that she shouldn't care, that she wasn't really her mother, but her grief was too strong for that. So she'd closed herself off, put walls up between everyone she knew. She'd thought it was better that way.

She'd been destroying herself.

She'd found that out about a week ago, when all the walled off emotions broke past her barriers and came rushing into her heart. Grief, hurt, resentment, anger, guilt… all of it. Maybe she could have dealt with it, but one thing finally overpowered her.

Fear.

Dawn was absolutely terrified. She was afraid, and alone. Glory wanted her, wanted something inside her that she didn't remember being. Buffy had been devastated when their mother died, and Dawn hadn't known what to do. The pain of that loss was too much for her - she'd blocked it out. Buffy hadn't been able to do that. Buffy was stronger than her, but she'd been through so much. She'd tried to deal with it, tried to be strong, but it had only made it worse when she finally felt it.

It had been so bad for Buffy because she had thought that she had to be strong for Dawn.

Another guilt on her conscience. Dawn was afraid of what her death would do to Buffy. The monks had arranged it so she'd have to protect the key with her life, but they should not have made her love it. That wasn't fair. It would destroy her, in the end.

Despite the confident front Buffy tried to show, Dawn was fairly certain that she was going to die.

The thought had terrified her. She'd spent hours trying not to think about how Glory would do it, and found that that was all she could think about. She couldn't handle it. Someone like Glory in control of how she died?

The thought had terrified her beyond reason.

She'd gone to her mother's grave at midday, and sat there for a while crying. In between her sobs, she chocked out apologies. She was sorry for who she was, all the death and destruction her existence had caused. She'd just sat there, apologizing to everyone and for everything she could think of.

She'd finally realized she was stalling. Who would hear, or care, if she said she was sorry? Her resolve wavered for a moment, but the thought of Glory had strengthened it once more. She'd stepped back from the grave a little, not wanting to soil the ground.

Pulling a knife from her bag, she'd placed the blade on her wrist. The first cut she made was too shallow, and she stifled a cry from the pain. She pressed again, deeper, harder. She was bleeding, but it still wasn't enough. It wasn't enough, and yet the pain was making her head swim.

She'd forced herself to focus, and place the blade in the cut once more. One more cut, and it would be done. Before she could complete the last cut, she had a moment of clarity through the pain and almost laughed at herself.

She'd cut the wrong way. You could kill yourself cutting horizontally, but most people did it that way when they didn't really want to die. People who cut that way wanted to be saved, and wanted attention.

Cursing herself for a fool Dawn had dropped the knife, cradling her arm to her chest mindless of the blood. She knew she didn't want more attention, she had too much on her already. But what she'd done subconsciously told her something she hadn't been able to see.

She didn't really want to die.

She'd known that, but she hadn't wanted to see it. All the negative emotions she'd been keeping out had overwhelmed her, and fear had gripped her mind. She'd thought it was better to go on her own terms, and maybe then Glory's plans would be ruined as well.

She couldn't sacrifice herself. Not like this.

What she'd been going to do was the coward's way out. She might have been afraid, but she wasn't a coward. Not yet, and she refused to become one. Glory would not make her do that to herself.

Glory wouldn't make her do this to Buffy.

She might not have been Buffy's sister originally, but she was now. That was what mattered. What mattered what that she now had people who loved her. Killing herself would cheapen everything they'd done to protect her, every sacrifice they'd made for her.

She wouldn't do that to them.

She'd gone home and bandaged her cut, and thrown away her shirt. That much blood would never come out, and Buffy would know something had happened. She'd worn long-sleeve tops for the next week until the cut healed. It had healed fast and without a scar, probably due to Buffy's blood running through her veins.

Dawn had covered up all trace of what she'd tried to do and started going to school again, not walling so many emotions out. She had to get on with her life. If she was going to die, then she should actually live while she had time. She knew she wasn't the only one who was hurting and worried. Self-destruction got you nowhere.

Bringing her mind back to the present, she realized she was still hugged close to Buffy who was still trying hard not to cry in her hair. Buffy had been through so much, and Dawn was determined not to cause more grief for her.

Dawn gave Buffy a quick squeeze and pulled back from her to look her in the eyes. "Buffy, thank you," she said seriously. "For everything you've done for me. I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble for you, and I know it's not my fault Glory wants me, and I know I can't do anything about that. I'm sorry for getting you called in to school, but I think… I think you understand," part of it, but not all. "But I'm okay, now. I'll be all right, and won't skip school any more. I promise."

Buffy smiled at her and wiped away her tears. "I believe you. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Dawn couldn't stand the guilt in her tone. "You were there for me Buffy. I just wasn't there for myself."

Buffy didn't quite understand Dawn's last comment, but decided it was best to let it go. She got up off the couch, pulling Dawn with her, and decided it was far past time they went inside. Despite herself, she smiled ruefully with embarrassment when she realized that they'd both just had major bouts of crying in full view of anyone on the street.

Inside the house Dawn gave Buffy a quick hug and went upstairs to do her homework, deciding that she needed that sense of normalcy to get over the feelings that she'd just had to deal with all over again.

Buffy had much the same idea and headed into the kitchen to get herself some food. Opening the fridge, she wondered where Spike was. He said he wouldn't leave the house, considering how he looked. She shrugged, figuring he was probably just up in his room sleeping or something. He was going to need a lot of sleep over the next couple of days.

It looked like her original assessment of him not being fully recovered for at least a month had been really off track. He was healing so much faster than she had thought was possible. Taking the time to think about it, she realised that he had looked a lot more hurt than he actually was. The bruises and cuts on his face would go away in a day or two, and in a week you wouldn't be able to tell he'd been hurt if you just looked at him. He still had a few broken bones though. She wasn't sure what, but she thought maybe a couple of his ribs and maybe some fractures in one of his arms. Still, he'd been moving about, so maybe they didn't hurt him as much as she thought they would. Well, either that or he was hiding the pain.

That was actually pretty likely, now that she thought about it. She knew that Spike knew she felt guilty about what had happened to him. He probably thought Dawn did too. She did, even though it wasn't her fault. From what they'd worked out, it was really Spike's own fault that Glory had thought he was the key. Still, Buffy couldn't help but feel responsible for Spike. He wouldn't have been tortured if he'd talked.

But he didn't.

Buffy was finding it harder and harder to pretend she hated Spike. She didn't. Not now, and she hadn't for a long time. She'd tried not to show it, but who was she kidding? She'd stood up for Spike to Xander so many times she couldn't count, and she'd been the one to tell everyone to trust him. They all knew she didn't hate him. She'd been deluding herself to think that she would fool them by hitting him occasionally and fighting with him every chance she got.

None of them were fooled. She could see that now. She was letting Spike stay in her house, would she do that if she really hated him? Unfortunately, Buffy was beginning to realize that she didn't just not hate him. She'd been able to ignore it before he changed, but now… Ever since she'd overheard him in the cemetery, she'd begun to think of him as human.

His feelings, his emotions… they were all real. Buffy hadn't thought it was possible for vampires to feel. She'd seen it, but she'd ignored it. She'd wanted to see the world in black and white, good guys and bad guys. Vampires were the bad guys, no exceptions. Things without souls were the bad guys. It was supposed to be simple.

How could she be a good Slayer if she had to chose which demons were redeemable? If Spike was able to change, without a soul, then why couldn't all of them? It was like she was killing something that hadn't yet had the chance to turn into someone. She couldn't afford to think like that.

Shaking her head, Buffy forced herself to be rational. Spike had always been different. Most vampires were animals. They wouldn't change no matter how hard to tried. The effort would kill her. Vampires generally weren't capable of change. They would always be monsters, they would always try and kill humans.

Spike was obviously the exception. Buffy had her own opinion on the matter, though. Privately she wondered if maybe he had been turned wrong somehow, that some remnant of his soul remained in him. Buried deep, but there. He had, after all, been turned by Drusilla. She was nuts, and who knew how much she was capable of messing up a turning?

Ruefully, Buffy realized that she was just avoiding dealing with the issue that scared her the most. She knew that the average vamp was incapable of change. Why was she even thinking about it?

Because she was avoiding what she didn't want to think about. Thinking of Spike as a human was dangerous territory. Overhearing him at the cemetery, knowing how much he really did love her, what he'd do for her… it frightened her.

Buffy had been denying anything but hatred for Spike for so long, even to herself, that to find she felt differently had been something of a shock. She had no reason to hate him any more. He was still a vampire, but not really. Hating him was safe. Hate had blocked of all other feelings. Once the hate had gone, Buffy didn't know how to deal with what was left over.

Was she meant to like him now? She found she did.

Could she trust him? Yes.

Was it safe to love him?

That was a question she refused to answer, and she couldn't believe she'd even thought of it. The good, safe, Spike hate was gone, but love was a long way from not hating. Even longer considering that this was Spike.

She was incredibly grateful to him for what he'd done for them, and she'd even found herself being nicer to him. But she'd made up her mind a while ago about what she would do if she found herself in love with him. She would never let anyone know, and she would deal with it herself until the feeling left her. She would never let herself love Spike.

It never occurred to her why she had even thought about it, and why she dwelt on the idea for so long.

**End Chapter 7**

_Sorry there's not much action in the way of actual storyline in this chapter, but I hope you liked the character stuff. I just felt like I needed a Buffy/Dawn moment._


	8. Alone

AN: This chapter contains some minor spoilers for 'Checkpoint', though I think most of you would have seen it anyway

_This chapter contains some minor spoilers for 'Spiral', though I think most of you would have seen it anyway. I've lifted some lines from the ep, mostly to explain about Dawn and Glory. Those of you who have seen it will know which lines I'm talking about, and I don't claim credit for them. They might be a little off (or a lot), since I taped over the ep before I wrote this and had to do it from memory._

**Chapter 8: Alone**

It was an hour past closing time, and Anya was getting worried. Xander had said he'd drive her home, and he should have finished work long since. He always called if he was going to be late.

Giles came down from where he'd been restacking some of the more dangerous magic volumes, and seemed surprised to find Anya still there.

"What are you still doing here? You know I don't pay you overtime when there's nothing for you to do."

Anya gave him a withering look before the worried expression settled on her face again. "You should," she murmured, distracted. "If I'm here I should get paid."

It was the lack of solid argument that really alerted Giles. Anya usually had all sorts of reasons she should get paid more, even for times when she wasn't even in the shop. Looking at his watch, he realised how late it was.

"Where's Xander?" Anya asked it like Giles knew the answer but hadn't been sharing.

"Sorry?"

"Where's Xander? He was meant to be here more than an hour ago. He's not here. He has to be somewhere, so where is he?"

Giles shrugged. "I don't know. He could just be late."

"He always calls if he's late. He hasn't called, so it's something else. Oh god, what if Glory took him? What if he's dead, or being tortured like Spike was?" Anya was starting to panic.

"I think perhaps we should give him a few hours grace."

"Why? What, have you forgotten that we're being attacked by Glory? And that we live in Sunnydale?"

"Uh, right. Good point. Why don't I drive you out to the construction site where Xander's working, and we'll check if he's there?"

Anya nodded, somewhat mollified by the suggestion. She grabbed her coat and headed to the door. "Good. Let's go then."

Giles sighed and grabbed his keys. He turned off the lights and started for the door, noticing Anya waiting impatiently, not seeming to care if he locked up properly or not. She would care if she realised that if the store got broken into she might not have a job for a while.

He locked the shop and they both got into his car, Giles trying to ignore Anya's glares that he wasn't moving fast enough.

"I'm sure Xander is fine, Anya. Stop worrying. What could possibly have happened to him?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

--------------

Xander roused slowly, some small instinct telling him not to move or make any noise. Not opening his eyes, he listened, trying to hear something that could help him work out where he was, and what sort of situation he was in.

The headache wasn't helping, but at least he remembered where it had come from. He'd been attacked in an alley. There had been something behind him, so he'd turned to try and defend himself, but then something else had hit him on the back of the head. He could feel the bump.

He'd seen something when he turned. What was it again? He'd been surprised, he remembered that much. If he was surprised, then it couldn't have been Glory. He would have expected her. And it was day, so that ruled out vampires. Well, except Spike. If it was Spike he would have been surprised.

If this was Spike's fault, Xander swore to himself that when he was through, Spike would be begging to go back to Glory. Trying not to laugh at himself, Xander dismissed the idea. It hadn't been Spike. He knew that.

Giving up on trying to remember his attackers, he turned his mind to the now. He was hands were tied behind his back, and also around something else. A pole maybe. Whatever, it didn't matter. It all had the same effect. He was sitting on the ground, in a building of some sort. The floor had the feel of concrete, and moving his hands around carefully he found the pole was solidly held in position. He wasn't going anywhere.

He was leant up against the pole, his tied hands holding him there. His head sagged down on his chest, he hadn't moved it or opened his eyes since he woke. This might actually be one of the situations where military memories came in handy. He wanted to appear unconscious for as long as possible.

He heard something move, almost too quiet for him to notice. It had sounded something like a footstep, but there was only one. Maybe just a guard shifting his feet?

Guard?

At least if it was a footstep it was a human footstep. Or at least something human shaped. Which could again point to vampire. From the temperature he could tell it was night, either that or he was in a cold-storage room or a fridge or something.

Someone groaned nearby. The voice sounded female, but even if it was she didn't get a chance to say anything. The footsteps went past him to his right, and he heard the sound of a fist connecting with something, most likely her head.

So he wasn't alone then. At least one other person was also being held here, and they obviously weren't meant to wake up yet. Xander was suddenly very glad he hadn't moved. One lump on his head was bad enough, he didn't need another.

Wishing he knew how many guards were in the room Xander continued to feign unconsciousness, instead of tripping up the guard that walked right past him on the way back to his post. If he was going to get out of here, he couldn't do it tied to a pole.

He wondered who the girl was. If it was anyone he knew, it was likely to be Willow or Tara. Or Anya. Xander had to force himself not to move to check who it was at that thought. He couldn't give himself away yet. Trying to be rational Xander reasoned that even if it was Anya, looking at her and very likely getting himself knocked out wasn't going to help her.

On the other hand, if it was Tara or Willow, there would be a reason for keeping them unconscious. Tying them up wouldn't stop their magic. He hoped that next time they would remember not to make a noise. Maybe then they could get out.

If it was them at all.

Xander was torn between hoping it was one of his friends, and hoping it wasn't. If it was nobody he knew, fine. It didn't matter. If it was one of the witches, he had a chance of getting out of here, but they might get hurt. He finally settled on hoping he didn't know the person, and wishing that the rest of the scooby gang would come and rescue him.

All he wanted was to get out alive.

He'd run out of options. He might have a lot of memories from being a soldier, but he wasn't one. He didn't have power like Willow and Tara, and he didn't have Anya's thousand years of experience and knowledge. He definitely wasn't as strong as Buffy. Even Spike would be doing better than he was at the moment. Even Giles had some protection by being a member of the Watcher's Council (though generally not a well liked one).

At least the others should know that he was missing by now. Anya would have started to worry as soon as he didn't pick her up from the magic shop. She would have told Giles, and then they would have gone to the construction site to see if he was there. Then found his car. Hopefully they then would have called Buffy and the rest of the gang to see of he was with them, and then they would have gathered at Buffy's place or the magic shop to make a plan to find him.

Hopefully.

Unless it was Anya tied up next to him.

If it was, they probably wouldn't be missed until morning when Anya didn't show up for work. Then Giles would worry. Xander prayed it wasn't Anya next to him.

He didn't have time to pray long, or even really work out who he was praying to. He heard a large door open, and a couple of sets of footsteps enter before the door closed. Maybe now he might learn something.

There was a low murmuring from the direction of the group, they weren't talking very loudly. He could only make out snatches of the conversation.

"… them both?"

"… easiest…. each side."

"… struggle… seen?"

"What… know… hurt?"

The words suddenly stopped. There was a pause and then the voices continued, and more footsteps. The words became louder, coming closer.

The footsteps stopped in front of Xander.

"This one's awake."

Xander lifted his head quickly and opened his eyes. He caught a flash of light reflecting off something that looked like metal, before a fist connected with his jaw and blackness claimed him.

------------

Buffy and Dawn were having dinner when someone knocked on the door. Buffy almost swore before she remembered Dawn was in the room.

"Always when I've just sat down," she muttered to herself.

Dawn just laughed, but before Buffy could get up Spike called from the living room saying that he'd answer it. Buffy just shrugged and went back to eating. She looked over at her sister, who was still chuckling.

"Do you think we can keep him?" asked Dawn, with an innocent look on her face.

Buffy smiled. "Maybe. I've always wanted a doorman."

"Doorvampire."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "That was lame, Dawn. You can do better than that."

"Most of the time. But it's still true. Hey, maybe he could cook and clean and everything?"

Buffy laughed. "That'd be nice. He made good pancakes this morning. We could have our own vampire version of a butler."

"That might not work so well for you. Are you allowed to have affairs with the help?"

"Dawn!"

"What?"

At that moment, Spike led Giles and Anya into the kitchen, forestalling Buffy's reply. Both Giles and Anya looked worried, although worried wasn't really applicable to Anya any more. She was way past worried. 

Considering Anya's usual lack of emotion in her facial expressions, she was so far past worried that she'd fallen off the edge of terrified. Giles clarified it in two words.

"Xander's missing."

Buffy almost choked. "He's what?"

"He's gone," said Anya. "He's gone and we can't find him. He didn't come to pick me up from work, and we went to the construction site and his car is still there. And he's not. We went to the apartment, but he's not there either. What if Glory has him? What if she tries to hurt him like she hurt Spike?"

The same thought had just passed through Buffy's mind. Xander wouldn't survive Glory. If the wounds on Spike were any indication, being a vampire was the only thing that allowed him to survive. If Glory had Xander, he wouldn't talk, but he also wouldn't have much hope of being alive at the end of the night. She couldn't say that though.

"I'm sure he's fine," Anya wouldn't believe that, so, "for the moment." Maybe that would help. "Have you called Willow and Tara?"

Giles shook his head. "I thought it best to come here first. I'll call them now."

"I'll do it. I've got the cordless here." Buffy pressed the speed dial for Willow's place, and waited about ten rings before she hung up. "They're not there. They could be at the library or something." Buffy hoped they were. Or getting dinner, anything but them missing too. Half the gang going missing was not a good thing.

Giles looked at her, worry etched even more clearly on his face. He knew what she was thinking. "I hope they are. At any rate, we have to find Xander. If Willow and Tara are missing too, it's likely that they're with him. If not, they're fine and they'll show up at some point."

Buffy nodded. "I hope you're right. But how do we find Xander? We don't have any idea who, or what, could have taken him. I don't really think it would have been Glory. She's smart enough to know that if she couldn't get a vampire to tell her who the key is, she probably wouldn't have a chance with any of you either." She glanced around the room, hoping she'd never have to find out.

"So if it's not Glory, who took him?" asked Anya. "Glory's the only big threat right now. What else is there?" Feeling more sure that Glory wasn't torturing Xander, Anya's emotions backed away from terrified and more towards worry.

"I don't know," Buffy was frustrated. "There's only vamps, but if Xander's been missing for a couple of hours, he definitely disappeared in full daylight. It's only just gotten dark enough for vampires not to fry. Nothing else had attacked us recently except…" a memory flashed quickly through Buffy's mind.

"Oh no."

-------------

Xander woke to find himself shivering and wet, to see a man holding a bucket standing in front of him. He was tied to a chair this time, only slightly more comfortable than the pole. He quickly glanced around to see if the girl was with him, but the room was empty except for himself and the man who was placing the bucket in a corner.

Xander groaned and tried to shake the cobwebs out of his head. It was still throbbing where he'd been hit, his jaw and the back of his head. He thought maybe that he'd hit his head on the pole he was tied to when he had been punched, as the lump from the first assault felt larger than before.

Studying the man in the room with him, Xander found nothing to identify his captors. He was dressed in plain grey clothing, but it was too well cut to indicate him a servant of any sort. He wore a wide belt, and he really needed a haircut. His hair fell well over his eyes, so much that Xander had trouble working out where the man was looking.

Something about the man's boots tugged at Xander's memory, but for everything else he was drawing a blank. Deciding that he wasn't going to find anything out this way, he chose another approach.

"So… who are you?"

The man just looked at him.

"What, can't speak? Or are you like some sentry guy who's not allowed to talk to me?"

The man didn't respond. In fact, he acted like Xander didn't exist at all.

"Come on. You just tossed a bucket of water at me. You obviously wanted me awake for something, or someone did. I'll find out everything in a minute, so why don't you just tell me? Or are you that low down in the ranks that you don't even know?"

The man glared at him. Xander smiled, knowing he was getting through.

"Think about it. Who's going to know? I'll pretend you never said a word. And hey, if my friends ever turn up and try to rescue me, I'll tell them not to kick your ass."

The man gave him a look that should have killed him where he sat, and whacked him lightly across the head.

"Do not threaten me. Your friends will never find you."

Xander grinned. At least he got the guy to talk. "Fine. Sorry, won't do it again. You don't have any painkillers on you by any chance do you?" The man shook his head, looking like he would rather cause Xander more pain than alleviate it. "Didn't think so. So, do you want to tell me your name now?"

"No."

"Okay then. Can you tell me why I've been kidnapped?"

"No."

"Do you know any words more than one syllable?"

Xander had to stop asking questions when the door opened and a heavy-set man walked in. He was dressed in some sort of armour, and carried a sword at his belt. A medallion hung around his neck, and the way it reflected the light made Xander think that it was this man that he caught a glimpse of before he was knocked unconscious a second time.

If he ever got out of here, that man was going to be in some serious pain.

Looking at his face, Xander noticed the real oddity about the man. There was some weird tattoo on his forehead, and when he looked back at the other guard, he could see something similar, only smaller and less elaborate, on his forehead as well.

The armoured man walked up in front of Xander and looked at him like he was something disgusting that soiled the chair he was tied to. The original guard left the room, and Xander decided to try for answers again.

"Who are you?"

The man hit him, harder than the guard had, and right in the sore spot of his jaw.

"I ask the questions. But you should know this anyway. I am the General of the Knights of Byzantium, and you will lead us to the Key."

------------

Buffy had left Dawn with Spike, and now she and Giles (and Anya, who had refused to be left behind) were speeding through the dark streets of Sunnydale on their way to Willy's. Even if they hadn't needed to use it in a while, his bar was still the best place for info on any of the more recent developments on the demon or just-plain-weird front in Sunnydale.

Giles pulled up in front and left the car running as Buffy quickly got out and raced into the bar. If anyone had noticed a large group of guys in armour, Willy would have heard about it. And since they were human, he shouldn't have a problem talking about it.

Buffy was back out in under a minute, giving Giles directions as she climbed in the car. Apparently there was a large group of humans holed up in some old warehouses on the outskirts of town. The vampires that had been living there were missing, and no one doubted that meant dead. Nobody in the car cared, but if a large group of vamps were taken out, the people who did the taking definitely knew what they were doing.

Giles noticed Buffy rubbing her knuckles, and wondered if maybe she had still had to 'encourage' Willy a bit. Either that or she hadn't had the chance to encourage him enough. He decided he didn't really want to know.

-----------

Xander didn't move. He _was_ tied to a chair, but that wasn't the point. He gave the man no visible reaction. This seemed to irritate him for some reason. Xander got another clout across the head, but it was worth it.

"What form has the Key taken?"

Xander tried to appear confused. When all else fails, lie. "Key? What are you talking about? I'm not giving you my keys, you'll probably take my car and break into my apartment and steal all my stuff. I'm not going to let you do that, my girlfriend would never let me hear the end of it. Hell, she'd probably leave me."

This really pissed off the General. "I'm not talking about your keys, you imbecile. You now what I'm talking about. The Key the Slayer is protecting. Where is it?"

When you've already lied, be a smartass. "If this 'Slayer' is protecting this 'Key', it's probably with her, don't you think? Why would I know about it?"

Xander got a punch in the gut, this time. He doubled up in his chair, trying to get his breath back. "What the hell was that for?" he asked indignantly.

"You're lying to me," the man growled.

"You stalked me, knocked me unconscious, kidnapped me, tied me to a pole, knocked me unconscious again, tied me to a chair, threw a bucket of water on me, and gave me a couple of extra punches in the bargain. Tell me again why I should be helpful?"

"Because if you aren't, we'll kill you."

"You know what, I don't think you will. You can't ask me questions if I'm dead. You can't find out anything. No matter how much of a moron you appear to be, you can't be that stupid."

The General laughed, but Xander could hear a forced edge to it. "You think you're our only prisoner? We have others. We can get what we need from them."

Xander smiled. "Oh, you mean the girl? Well, why don't you go ask her, and leave me alone? Or, have you already asked her, and found out squat?"

"What girl?"

"Come on, do you think I didn't hear that guard knock her out a second time? She was right in the same room with me."

This time when the man laughed, Xander could tell it was with genuine amusement. "You thought that was a girl? That was one of the Beast's creatures."

"Beast?"

"The Beast you call Glory."

Xander shrugged. Well, he tried to, but it didn't really work well with his arms tied to the chair. "Oh. So what? It wouldn't know jack. If it did, don't you think Glory would have the key by now? My good sir, I do believe you've wasted your time." He said the last part in an imitation of Spike's accent.

Xander could see the guy begin to get really angry.

'I'm really pissing him off,' thought Xander. 'Good. Damn, this would be so much fun if I wasn't so bloody scared out of my mind!'

Xander's comments had earned him another punch, once again right on the sore spot of his jaw. He couldn't stop himself from giving a small cry of pain. Still, no backing down now.

"You know," he said conversationally, trying to ignore the pain, "Breaking my jaw isn't going to help you get answers."

"What will?" the General growled, still majorly pissed off.

"I'm not sure. Giving me an all expenses paid tour around Europe might be nice." Before the man could hit him again, he added, "Or you could just ask the Slayer, though she probably wouldn't tell you either."

The man grunted. "Well, you're here, and she's not. I guess you'll have to do since I can't ask her."

Xander smiled. "Well, actually… you could ask her. 'Cause there's this thing where she's kind of standing right behind you."

The General froze.

A voice came from behind him. "And there's this other thing where I've got a big sword aimed at your neck. So I wouldn't try anything if I were you." A small hand reached around and took his sword. "Now there's quite a few weapons pointed at you right now, all of which can easily do you a good deal of harm. So why don't you turn around nice and slow?"

The General had no choice. He turned around to see a short blond girl holding a sword, and a man and a girl, both with crossbows. The blond girl with the sword, who he assumed was the Slayer, smiled at him. Somehow, the expression made her seem even more unfriendly.

"Anya," said Buffy, "untie Xander, will you?" 

Anya glared at the General before lowering her crossbow and rushing over to the chair. "Are you okay, Xander?" she asked. He nodded, preferring not to speak through his sore jaw now that he didn't have to.

Buffy hadn't taken her eyes off the General. "Now," she said, her tone threatening. "You and I are going to have a little chat about the way you treat my friends, and then, you're going to give us information." She noticed his eyes dart to the door. "Do you really think there's anyone out there to help you? We cover our tracks. We won't be interrupted. Oh, and I imagine screaming won't help either. You're the one that chose this room for interrogation, aren't you? You know how isolated you are."

The look on Buffy's face was all that was needed to convince the General. He would have fought, but a Slayer would beat him easily, and there was also the matter of the other man with the crossbow. He really had no choice but to answer their questions.

"Fine, I will talk. But if you align yourself with the Beast, I don't think it will do you any good."

Buffy hit him. Not hard, but hard enough to prove she meant business. "First of all, we are not with Glory. We fight Glory. We stop her from getting the Key. We do not fight for her. And if you suggest we do again I will tie you to that chair, and not be nearly so civil. Is that clear?"

He nodded. "Fine. But if you protect the Key, then you aid the Beast, no matter how you see it." Buffy glanced at the chair, and he took the point. "I will not mention it again."

"Good," said Buffy. "Before we start, did you attack any of my other friends?" The General shook his head. Buffy nodded, satisfied he was telling the truth. "Now, tell me about Glory."

"What do you know?"

"Some. Evil Hellgod. Real strong, thrives on pain and agony. Banished from a demon dimension, wants the Key."

The General nodded. "The beast ruled in a demon dimension with two other Hellgods, a place of unspeakable torment. All three were powerful beyond measure. But the Beast's power grew beyond what even they could comprehend. So did her lust for pain and suffering. The other gods feared her, feared that she would try to take control. So they acted first. Together, they were able to banish her to another reality. This one. They bound her in a newborn human male, her only weakness."

"So what you're saying is kill the man, and the god dies."

"Yes. Unfortunately, the identity of the human male has never been discovered."

"Uh-huh. Damn, you guys are useless. So what about the Key? What does she want that for?"

"The Beast will use the Key to open a portal and pass back through into her world."

Buffy laughed. "That's Glory's big plan? To go home?"

The General shook his head. "You don't understand. Activating the Key won't just open the portal to the Beast's dimension, it will open all the portals. The walls between realities will crumble, dimensions will bleed into each other. The world as we know it will end. That is what the Key was created for."

Xander finally spoke up. "I don't understand. If the Key can do that, why were the monks protecting it?"

The General looked at Buffy's sword, which she still held as if she intended to use if he gave her the slightest reason. "Because they were fools. They thought they could harness the Key's power for the forces of light. They failed. And they paid with their lives."

Buffy was unimpressed. So far, all this guy had been was annoying. He hadn't told them anything particularly useful, she knew she had to protect Dawn. Knowing she could cause the end of the world didn't change that in any way, more or less. It just put more pressure on her, something she really didn't need. Knowing Glory had a weakness gave her some hope though.

Buffy realised she was gripping the sword so tight her knuckles were white, and the muscles in her arm were knotting up. This guy was just such a pompous asshole. Here she was, perfectly able to kill him before he would know what had happened, and he was acting like she was some stupid schoolgirl who was just along for the ride. He didn't know everything. He didn't know what the Key was now.

Who the Key was.

The monks had done a good job. She would protect Dawn with her life. But her life wouldn't be needed. Not for this. Not for a few guys with a medieval hyjinx. This guy didn't just not know everything, he didn't know _anything_. It was a joke.

"So… is there anything useful you can tell us, or are you just going to continue being self-righteous? 'Cause that got old real quick."

The General looked surprised. Maybe he was realising that she wasn't just some ignorant schoolgirl. She had the power here. She was in control. Buffy hoped he was realising it. She had to get it through his head that they were never going to get the Key.

They would never touch Dawn.

She looked at him, and the General could see the distain clear on her face. It shocked him to realise that she wasn't even the tiniest bit afraid of him or the Knights. Who was this girl that she thought they were not a threat? Other Slayers in the past had feared them.

He had an army. The Slayer was just one girl. She was alone.

Buffy sighed. From the arrogant expression on the man's face, she knew she wasn't going to get anything more out of him. Despite it all, he still thought she wasn't really dangerous. He thought she wouldn't put up much of a fight if he tired to take the Key by force.

He was so far wrong it really wasn't funny.

Buffy decided that she'd had enough of this. A prisoner, giving her _arrogance_ of all things. Well, if he thought he was still in control, he was in for a rude awakening. She would show him that she was stronger than him, and that she wasn't the only one.

"Xander?"

He looked up from Anya, who was holding him so tight she somewhat resembled a barnacle. "Yeah?"

Buffy gestured with her sword towards the General. "I think we're done here. Anything you want to add?"

Xander grinned. "Anything?"

Buffy nodded, and smiled as an expression of worry flashed across the General's face. Xander pried himself away from Anya, and walked over to stand in front of the General. "You know," he said conversationally, "my head is really, really, sore. And it think it's going to hurt to talk for a little while as well. Now, you - directly or indirectly - are responsible for this discomfort. What do you think I should do about this?"

The General's eyes widened. From the boy's tone, he was seriously going to hurt him. He looked around quickly, thanking God that the Slayer hadn't seen it necessary to tie him up. Whatever the boy planned to do to him, he could still fight back. He forced himself to relax, so he wouldn't give himself away.

Buffy handed Xander the sword she was holding, and stepped back to stand beside Giles. Xander held the sword casually in one hand, using his other to run a finger up the blade edge.

The General got ready to fight. At least the Slayer didn't have a weapon any more. Not that she needed one, but the boy was probably more likely to cut himself than inflict any serious damage on him.

Xander smiled when he saw the General shift his stance slightly. This guy was such an _idiot_. Still he was fun to play with. He held the sword low and walked forward. Stopping right in front of the General, he leant in until he was almost nose to nose with him.

"What do you think I should do about you?" He kept his voice low, menacing.

Damn this was fun.

Just before the General could move to attack, Xander dropped the sword and punched him. Hard. The General dropped to the ground, and Xander rubbed his knuckles. That had hurt. He didn't see how Buffy could do it. Still, it was worth it. The guy had been so scared he had almost wet himself.

That was the thing about some people. Their own imagination could come up with worse scenarios than you ever could, and they seemed to think that what you were going to do to them was worse than what they were thinking of. All Xander was ever going to do was hit him, but the General hadn't thought that, and as such had totally scared himself out of his wits.

It was really kind of funny.

Xander kicked him once for good measure, then turned back to Buffy.

"Well, that was fun. But can we get out of here? I don't fancy facing another round of the inquisition."

Buffy nodded. "Right. Let's go." She picked up the sword that Xander had dropped, and opened the door.

Anya latched back onto Xander, and handed him the crossbow. He took it gratefully, knowing that she had been holding it mostly for show. Looking back at Buffy, who was waiting in the door, a question came to mind.

"Uh, Buffy? How did you get in here? What did you mean 'we cover our tracks'? You didn't…"

Buffy cut him off. "Of course not. I just let him think that. He's so stupid he believed it. Come on, I'm the Slayer. I can't go around killing humans. Even if these guys are among the scraps of the breed."

"I didn't mean that. And I didn't think you had. I just wanted to know if you snuck in and were bluffing about anyone hearing him scream, or if you actually went around and knocked out all the guards."

"We snuck in. There's a window like right across the hall from this room, and what with all the extra guards and all… well, it wasn't to hard to figure out. We just took out the guys outside the room. For guys who are meant to be an army, they're pretty bad at it."

Xander nodded. "They're pretty thick, too. I mean, they captured one of Glory's butt-suckers as well, or so he said. What did they think they were going to learn? Those things are dumb as."

Buffy laughed quietly. "They're pretty pathetic, true." Xander wasn't certain who she was referring to. "We'll talk about this later. For now, let's just get the hell out of here. I can handle a few of them, but despite how inept they seem to be, they're still an army. I don't really want to find out how I handle the odds." She walked over to the window and climbed out, checking there was no sign of their discovery.

As the others climbed out after her, Buffy scanned her surroundings. A couple of knights were still out cold, their weapons scattered across the ground. She hadn't really been gentle when she'd been worried about Xander. She bent down and picked up another sword, noticing how good the workmanship was.

Xander was still holding the crossbow, so she gave one of the swords to Anya and picked up another for herself. When she noticed the odd look Giles gave her, she just shrugged.

"It's cheaper than buying them."

Giles still looked concerned about stealing weapons.

"Come on, Giles. It's not like they don't have more. And besides, the way I see it, we're doing them a favour. These guys were so pathetic they would have accidentally stabbed themselves before long. Really, we're saving their lives."

"Buffy…"

"They kidnapped Xander."

"Right. Fair enough then."

**End Chapter 8**

_Personally, I don't like this chapter much. Any suggestions for improvement are welcome, anyone telling me I suck will be hunted down and killed. Unless you tell me nicely, in which case I'll only maim you._


	9. Broken

---------------- ****

Chapter 9: Broken

Buffy sat at the kitchen bench nursing a cup of coffee. The house was blissfully quiet, and she relished the rare moment of peace. Dawn was still asleep, and Spike was taking a shower. Giles had taken Xander and Anya straight back to their apartment the night before, then dropped Buffy off before heading home himself. They'd decided to wait until the morning to fully discuss with Xander what had happened, and they were meeting at the shop later in the day. But for now Buffy had some time to herself, and nothing immediate to worry about.

She let her mind wander as she sat there. She didn't think the Knights would come after any of her friends again, though she wasn't stupid enough to believe that they would stop looking for the Key altogether. Willow and Tara were fine, they'd been at the library like she'd hoped, and Dawn had promised she wasn't going to skip school any more. Hopefully that would be good enough for the social services people to leave them alone.

Her father still hadn't contacted them, and Buffy wasn't sure whether she really cared if he ever did. He'd stopped being an integral part of her life years ago. The grief for her mother was still there, but it had lost it's honed edge, and was now only a dull blade pressed to her heart. That was something she would have to live with.

The ever present threat of Glory still weighed heavily on her mind, but she hadn't made any threatening moves for a while. Her absence worried Buffy a little, wondering what she might be planning, but somehow it didn't seem to matter. Whatever Glory could be up to, the ultimate aim of any plan would be Dawn. Knowing what Glory actually wanted, and what for, gave Buffy the small modicum of calm that she needed to stay sane.

In that respect, the Knights had actually helped. Buffy had known that Glory wanted Dawn, but she hadn't know what she wanted her _for_. It wasn't much of an advantage, but it was something. Also, she now knew there was a way Glory could be killed. If she was bonded to a human, a man, all Buffy had to do was find out who he was.

And kill him.

The thought sickened her. No matter what Glory was, the man himself was an innocent. He had had no choice in what was done to his life. Could she take a human life? What sort of person would she be if she did? If she was prepared to kill an innocent man, why go to all the trouble of finding him when there was an easier solution right in front of her? If she could kill a man, why not just kill her sister? The evil was no greater. It made it more personal, but it was basically the same thing. They were both innocent, both human.

Buffy wanted to throw up.

Kill Dawn? She could never do it. Dawn was all she had now, and she loved her. She may not have been real a year ago, but she was now, and Buffy intended to keep her alive. Dawn would have her chance at a normal life, just like the one she remembered.

Neither Glory or those Knights were going to lay one finger on Dawn.

Thinking about what Glory had done to Spike, Buffy swore to herself that she would never have the chance to touch Dawn. She had absolutely no doubt that whatever Glory planned to do to Dawn to open that portal and get home, it would kill her. Buffy refused to let that happen.

At least Spike was healing. He had only light bruising left on his face, and a few small cuts. The hole in his chest was healing, although it wouldn't be completely gone for at least a week, according to Spike. His ribs still hurt him, and so did his arm, but most of the minor injuries had healed. Buffy was glad her original assessment of his injuries had been wrong, but he'd just looked so thrashed.

By the time Buffy's brain registered that the noise from the shower had stopped, Spike was standing in the doorway. Buffy almost jumped when she saw him, embarrassed that she'd been thinking about him before she realised that he didn't know and that she was being an idiot.

Spike gave Buffy his customary smirk before going to the fridge to get himself some breakfast. Watching him pour a bag of blood into a mug and put it in the microwave, Buffy looked at her own cup and was glad she was nearly finished. No matter how often she'd seen it, watching him drink blood always made her feel a little queasy. The feeling probably came from having been almost drained, and also having had a taste of blood once herself.

Buffy shuddered as she remembered. She'd wanted to drink from Dracula, craved the taste of something she'd never experienced, something to feed the darkness inside of her. She'd let go, given in, and for a moment she had been balanced on a razor edge between succumbing to the darkness and staying to fight for the light.

Something had made her pull back from the edge, but she'd never been entirely certain what it was. Maybe it had been the taint in Dracula's blood, but if that was all… Vampires drank blood because it was life. Dracula had already been dead, there was no true life in him. But if that had been the only reason, she now had more darkness in her than Spike did.

Sure, she didn't want to drink blood all the time, the craving had only been released by Dracula's thrall, but she hadn't been able to control herself. Spike had, and he'd fought away the darkness completely. Why hadn't she been able to do that? The thought still worried her, terrified her that one day she might let go completely and get all her friends killed.

The beeping from the microwave brought Buffy back to the present, and Spike looked at her quizzically.

"Anything wrong, pet?" he asked.

Buffy shook her head, but it was obvious that Spike had seen something on her face. He just raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed.

"Just memories, Spike. Nothing important."

Spike sat down at the bench facing her. "Memories are always important, luv. Sometimes they're all you've got."

"Sometimes. But not these. There are some memories that I'd just rather not have."

"Such as?"

Buffy sighed again, not really feeling like sharing. "It doesn't matter, Spike. It's kind of private."

Spike's expression closed over and Buffy realised he probably thought she was thinking about Angel or Riley. She couldn't help but feel that it was kind of sweet that he got that jealous despite the fact she treated him like dirt. Letting herself soften a bit, she decided to ease his mind a little.

She was really going to have to stop this whole being nice to Spike thing soon.

"I was thinking about Dracula."

Spike's expression didn't change and she realised that he'd taken that the wrong way. He knew she had let him bite her, and he was probably thinking that she'd chosen another vampire over him. Again. She began to get a bit frustrated with him.

"Not like that, Spike. Geez, will you stop with the insecurity bit? God, from your expression I'm beginning to wonder if you think I'm like the town bicycle for vampires. Do you see any others staying in my house?"

Spike just stared at her, wondering at the outburst. Since when had she cared what he thought of her? Not that he'd actually been thinking that, but still… it did rankle slightly that she'd opened herself up completely to Dracula when she had refused to even talk to him. Why did she have to think that every other vampire was so much better than him?

"I wasn't really thinking about him, Spike. I was thinking about what he made me see in myself."

Spike relaxed, and decided that if Buffy was going to talk to him, he wasn't going to piss her off. "What's that?"

Buffy sighed. "That's just it, I don't know. He made me open up to the darkness inside. He made me want to drink, and I did. Something about it felt so right, and I don't know what it was that pulled me back."

Spike was confused. "Drink what?"

Buffy stared. "Didn't I ever tell you?"

Spike shook his head. "Pet, in case you don't remember, you weren't exactly friendly with me until recently. And even now that's a loose term." He added the last part under his breath, and Buffy had to suppress a twinge of guilt.

"He made me drink. From him."

Spike was shocked. "He what?"

"You know, it was the whole thrall thing. I let him bite me, and I tried to hide it from everyone. They found out, but didn't know what to do. I went to fight him, and he managed to get me to let go of the hold I have on the dark side of my nature. He cut his wrist and I drank. He wanted me to succumb, to beg him to be turned, but something stopped me and made me force the darkness back. I just don't know what it was and that worries me."

Spike looked revolted, and she wondered if she'd finally managed to put him off. Maybe she'd finally upset his ideals about her. She guessed she hadn't when the expression on his face was again replaced with something that looked strangely like jealousy.

This was beginning to get repetitive.

Buffy decided to keep talking before Spike could say anything to take the conversation in a direction she didn't want it to go. "How did you do it? Stop wanting human blood, I mean."

Spike shrugged. "I don't know. My best guess is that it was simply willpower. I just drank animal blood for so long that I forgot what human blood tasted like."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't think so. Angel was drinking pig's blood longer than you, and I know that he still preferred the taste of human blood. It was something else, Spike."

Spike tried to think of something to say. He didn't really want to go into it, but the Slayer looked really worried. "Why does this bother you so much, pet?"

Buffy sighed and looked at the table. "I don't know. I guess I'm just scared that it might happen again. What happens if I suddenly let the darkness out again? What happens if I go all evil and try to get myself turned and then try to kill all my friends? Oh, god, what happens if I hurt Dawn?"

Spike reached over and grabbed her hands, which were threatening to shatter the mug she held. "Buffy, you don't have to worry about it. It's not going to happen, and the only reason it did before was because of Dracula. And even if it did, I'd protect them. You wouldn't even get within biting distance of the Nibblet." His tone was soothing, and Buffy began to relax.

"Really?" her voice was a whisper. "You promise you will never let me hurt them?"

"I promise, luv."

"Thank you."

Buffy sat there with her eyes closed, and Spike slowly coaxed the mug out of her clenched hands and set it down on the table. He covered her hands with his, and watched her without speaking.

Buffy didn't know how long she sat there thinking, wondering about Spike and relieved that there would always be someone there to protect the people most important to her, but it couldn't have been very long. She was brought out of her thoughts by someone slowly caressing her hands, and she almost started when she realised it had to be Spike.

She kept her eyes closed, pretending to be still lost in thought and unaware of her surroundings. Even with a small part of her mind telling her that she shouldn't be letting Spike touch her, it had been so long since anything had felt this comforting. As long as she didn't let him know she was aware of what he was doing, she could act like it never happened. It might not be fair to him, but he had to know already that she would never let anything happen between them.

Spike smiled to himself. He had heard Buffy's heartbeat speed up, and knew she was faking unawareness. He also knew that she'd pretend she hadn't noticed him doing anything, but the fact that she was letting him touch her… some day she _was_ going to give in.

He could wait.

He heard footsteps on the stairs and realised that Dawn must be awake. He reluctantly let go of Buffy's hands and smiled in satisfaction when a slight frown flashed across her face. Spike got up and took the empty mugs to the sink to rinse them out and Buffy had just opened her eyes by the time Dawn entered the kitchen.

"Morning, Nibblet," said Spike.

"Mornin'," mumbled Dawn, still half asleep as she headed to the fridge.

Buffy got up and gave Dawn her seat, saying a quick good morning before she raced upstairs to get dressed. She had to get away from Spike for a minute to compose herself. She had thought to pretend that nothing had happened, but the feelings that just a small touch from Spike's hands had evoked in her… she was going to have to be more careful.

Back in the kitchen, Spike was getting Dawn breakfast. He wondered what it was that had suddenly made him so domestic, and came to the conclusion that he was just in a good mood this morning. He wasn't in so much pain, and Buffy was definitely breaking down on the hostility toward him. Plus, by the look of the Nibblet, if he didn't get her breakfast, she wouldn't eat. She didn't look as though she was capable of finding the cupboard that held the cereal, let alone pouring it.

"Didn't sleep well, Nibblet?" Spike asked.

Dawn looked up at him with bleary eyes and yawned. "Not really. Nightmares of a psychotic hellgod have a habit of upsetting my sleeping patterns." She yawned again. "Don't worry about it, I'm used to it. I'll be wide awake in an hour or so."

Spike decided not to worry, since the Nibblet didn't seem distressed, but he would talk to the Slayer about it later. He kept his tone light when he replied. "Well, you'd better look alive. You've got school in an hour, you wouldn't want people to confuse you for the walking dead. There's enough of those in this town already."

Dawn giggled. "Well, you know what you've got to do to decrease the population. I think there's some chopsticks in one of the drawers somewhere."

Spike wasn't amused. "Not funny Nibblet. Someone else'll stake me good and proper when the time's right. Besides, I think you're the one who'll turn to dust if you go outside looking like that. At the very least half the people in the street will run screaming."

"Well, it would be different. Now that I think about it, it might be nice to see for myself what you experience every day. I guess then we'd have something in common."

"Touché, Lil' Bit.

Dawn smiled and attacked her breakfast. Spike smirked at her and wondered of he ever looked like that when he ate and then grimaced as he realised exactly how he used to look when he fed. The memory wasn't a pleasant one, and suddenly Spike understood exactly how upset Buffy had been over her memories of Dracula. The thought of drinking fresh blood, still warm with life - it was sickening. And for Buffy, who's purpose in life was to destroy vampires and demons… it must be a million times worse for her. He'd been made to need it, but her… it was against everything she believed in, everything she fought for. It must have been horrifying for her.

Spike pushed the thought to the back of his mind as Buffy came back downstairs.

"Dawn, I've got to go over to the shop. You're okay to get to school on your own?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Of course, Buffy. I'm not a baby."

"No, you're not. Look, I don't want to put any more pressure on you, but if you see any guys with swords and severely outdated outfits, just… run away, okay?

"The guys that kidnapped Xander?"

Buffy nodded. "I don't think they'll come after you or anyone else, but we can never be to careful. I can't pick you up today, so can you go to the Magic Box after school?"

"Sure. What're you going to be doing?"

"I have to go in to college and, well… drop out."

Spike was surprised. "Drop out? Why?"

Buffy glared at him, and her control snapped. "Gee, Spike, I don't know. Could be that I've just got too many things on my mind right now. I now have to take care of my sister, look after the house, get a job, pay the bills, hold off social services, and somehow prevent a mad hellgod from killing my sister and causing the end of the world. Want any more reasons? I'm sure I have heaps."

Spike was shocked, and it was Dawn who spoke first. "Social services?" she squeaked.

Buffy looked at her sister and her expression instantly softened. Then she realised what she'd said and looked horrified. "Dawnie, I…"

Dawn stood up and walked over to look Buffy in the eyes. "What's going on with social services, Buffy? And don't lie to me. I know what they're for. Why are they interested in us?"

Buffy spluttered for a minute before she got herself under control. "Oh, god… Dawnie, I didn't mean to say anything. You don't have to worry about it, it doesn't matter any more." The look on Dawn's face told Buffy she wasn't going to accept that answer. "Your principal, when I got called in because you were cutting school, she told me that if I couldn't make you go, I could be found unfit to be your legal guardian, and that they might take you away from me." She choked on the last few words. "But it doesn't matter now, you see. You said you'd go and do all your work, so it'll be fine…" Buffy was almost crying.

Dawn was mortified. She could be taken away? From her sister, from the only people she'd ever really known? The idea scared her almost as much as Glory. She could see that Buffy couldn't deal with the prospect any more than she could, and she virtually flew into her sister's arms, holding her like she would never let go.

"God, Buffy. I'm so sorry, I had no idea. I… I promise I won't cut school any more, or get suspended again or anything. I'm sorry… I can't… I didn't know…"

Spike watched as both girls almost broke down. Dawn might have latched onto the social services comment, but Spike was more worried about the 'killing Dawn' and the 'end of the world' thing. As far as he could see, it would be a lot easier to keep Dawn away from social services than it would be to keep her away from Glory. The Slayer had to focus on that, she couldn't allow herself to be plagued by all these other problems.

He waited until both girls had calmed down a little, then quietly suggested to Dawn that she go an get ready for school. He needed to talk to Buffy. Dawn understood and detached herself from her sister and headed upstairs.

Buffy wiped the tears from her face and muttered something about having to do her make-up again. Spike would have laughed if she hadn't still looked so upset.

"Buffy, luv, don't worry about it. Everything'll work out, you'll see."

Buffy whipped her head around to face him. "'Everything'll work out'? How, Spike? How will everything work out?"

Spike closed the distance between them and gently wiped fresh tears from her face. "I'll take care of everything, you just take care of the Nibblet, alright?"

Buffy rested her head against his hand, and lent into him, his body supporting her weight. "I just can't deal with it all, Spike. I just… I can't do it. It's too much, I can't… I can't handle it all any more."

Spike slowly stroked her hair with his free hand. "You don't have to, luv. That's why I'm here. I'm going to help you, I said I'll take care of everything." He smiled. "You'll see, luv. Soon you'll have nothing to worry about that you'll be back to beating me up every time you see me."

Spike's tone was so soothing that Buffy desperately wanted to believe him, but something still rankled at the back of her mind. Through her frustration and anxiety, her logic circuits weren't working too well, so she mumbled something she otherwise wouldn't have said.

"What happens if you fight back?"

Spike's eyes widened. "I can't fight back, remember, pet? Pesky government hardware in my brain, remember?"

Buffy's mind was drifting, and she wasn't really paying attention. "You can. You can, Spike. I know you can do whatever you want, now. You can be Spike again. Why aren't you?"

Spike could tell Buffy wasn't really aware of what she was saying, but he had to be honest. "I'm still Spike, luv. I've always been Spike. But I'm a different Spike for you, and I like this me. It doesn't matter that the chip doesn't work any more."

Buffy fell silent, and Spike held her, not moving, cherishing the feeling of having her in his arms. Unfortunately, they were both startled back to reality when Dawn accidentally bumped into the doorframe trying to back silently out of the kitchen. Buffy and Spike had looked so sweet together, she hadn't wanted to upset them. What she'd really wanted was a camera, but she had no idea where it was.

At the noise, Buffy and Spike had virtually teleported away from each other, and both looked embarrassed. Dawn tried to pretend she hadn't seen anything.

"Uh… Guys, I'm going to school, I'll… ah, I'll see you at the magic shop later." She turned and almost ran out of the house.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other, and Buffy decided to follow Dawn's example. "Gotta go, Spike. Lot's to do."

Spike didn't give her the chance to leave. He had some things he needed to say, and he had to say them now. "Slayer, I meant what I said. Don't worry about money, I'll take care of it. You don't have to get a job, so stay in college if you want to."

Buffy folded her arms and looked at him. "Where are you going to get the money from, Spike? You were always hitting us up for cash."

Spike looked guilty. "I know. But I had a reason. I can get access to money, but it means talking to certain people that I'd really rather not."

"But you'd do it for me?" Buffy's voice was soft.

"Of course."

Buffy looked at the floor. "Thank you, Spike. That would help a lot. But… and I'm sorry for asking, but… it's not stolen is it? I can't take a stranger's money."

Spike chuckled. "No, pet. It's not stolen. Well, not all of it. I'm sure some wasn't exactly legally acquired, but I don't think the original owners really have use for it any more, if you catch my meaning."

Buffy shuddered, but she knew that none of the money would have been recently acquired, and she did need the help. She looked at Spike and nodded, and he gave her a reassuring smile.

"It was a long time ago, pet. Another life, really."

Buffy nodded again and turned to leave, but Spike wasn't finished. "Slayer, I meant the other thing I said before too. It doesn't matter that the chip doesn't work any more. I think I've proved that with this whole sunlight-non-evil issue. I'm yours now, yours and the Nibblet's, whether you want me or not."

Buffy had to restrain herself from running to him, to have him hold her again. He was so sincere, and that was possibly the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her. Her throat closed over and she couldn't speak. She swallowed, trying to get the use of her voice back, but it was no use. She didn't know what she would say anyway, so she ended up just staring at him.

Spike smiled at her, and reached out a hand to touch her face. Buffy jerked back at his touch, and the hurt expression on his face almost broke her. This could _not_ happen. It couldn't.

Taking one last look at him, she turned and bolted out of the house.

Running from Spike.

Running away.

She never ran away. She'd never backed down from a fight. He was making her a coward, making her soft.

Never mind Glory, never mind the Knights if Byzantium.

Forget that her sister wasn't really her sister but some mystical key which could destroy the world. Forget that her mother had died and her father was nowhere to be found. Forget that over the past five years she'd seen more people die than she could count. Forget that Dawn, the person she now loved more than anyone in the world, the one thing making her hold on to her sanity, should never have been her responsibility.

Forget that.

None of it mattered. None of it had ever broken her. She'd always held on, always been strong. But now, one thing, one of the smallest things…

Spike.

Enemy.

Ally.

Enemy.

Ally.

Enemy pretending to be an ally.

Ally.

Friend.

Friend? Oh god. Looking at it like that, it didn't seem so small. He'd tried to kill her, he'd saved her life. It kept going in a circle, it should have gone like that forever. But no, Spike could never hold to a pattern. Somehow, Spike had done the one thing that nothing else had ever done to her. Not dying, not sending someone she loved to Hell, not stabbing another Slayer.

He had broken her.

****

End Chapter 9

__

I'm can't remember if Spike was around for the Dracula ep, so I made up my own version. It might track with the original, and it might not, but I don't think it's really important. If he was involved, just pretend her wasn't. It's not hard. Also, I don't remember at what point in the series Buffy dropped out of college, but if it happened in an episode before my continuity, ignore it too.


	10. Revelations

----------------

_This chapter crosses with Angel (the series). No spoilers, just needed to borrow Angel for a bit._

**Chapter 10: Revelations**

Spike stood shocked, unable to move, as he watched Buffy bolt out of the house. This was something he'd never expected. He'd been waiting, knowing that she would eventually drop her barriers, but he had had no idea just how scared she was of opening her heart again.

He'd thought that once Buffy admitted to herself that there was something between them, everything would just fall into place, and his life would finally mean something. He'd be helping, giving her strength, watching her back, totally reliable.

Well, _that_ was naive.

That wasn't who he was, and Buffy knew that. He was trying to be something he wasn't, and it was because that was what he thought she wanted.

He was wrong.

He'd changed for her, true, and he wasn't the same person he used to be. That was obvious, and everyone could see that Spike had changed. Spike could feel it in himself. He was different now, and he was something other than evil. He would always protect Buffy and the Nibblet, and even their friends. He would do that out of love for them.

That wasn't the problem.

The look in the Slayer's eyes just before she fled had told Spike everything he needed to know. She was afraid of him. She was afraid of falling in love with him. Not because of who he used to be, but because of who he was turning into.

She'd loved a monster before. That had never been the problem. Since she'd started seeing him as a person, the horror in Spike's past hadn't been what was bothering Buffy. She could deal with that. For a Slayer, some darkness really was a necessity.

Spike realised in an instant that he had been lying to himself. He might have changed, but that didn't make him automatically solid and dependable. He couldn't give Buffy strength.

She didn't need it.

That was the core of the problem. He'd been turning into _Riley_ of all people, thinking that was what the Slayer needed. He was so far off track that he almost laughed at himself.

Buffy didn't need someone to give her strength. She didn't need solid and dependable. That wasn't what she wanted. What she really needed was someone who was strong enough that she didn't have to protect them. Someone she didn't have to constantly worry about. She needed someone with a bit of bite, someone who wasn't predictable.

That was what had thrown Spike off in the first place. She already had enough surprises in her life, who could have thought that she needed more? The core of the issue was that she needed something good to balance out the bad. She needed some welcome surprises, things to make her enjoy her life.

All he had to do was be himself.

Spike was stunned. He'd just worked out something that had been plaguing him ever since he had met Buffy. Somehow he didn't think even she fully comprehended the nature of her fear. He'd seen the truth in her eyes, but she was too afraid to even think about it. 

Spike smiled to himself. The Slayer might be afraid, but she would have to work this one out on her own. Spike had complete faith in her that she would, once she'd calmed down. Once she thought about it, and he stropped acting like a prat, she would be his.

--------------

Willow sat on the couch in the training room at the magic shop, and watched as Buffy beat the crap out of the punching bag. Buffy only fought like that when she was having issues about something, and Willow wasn't sure whether or not Buffy wanted to talk about it.

She couldn't even hazard a guess as to what the problem might be. Buffy had so much going on in her life right now that it could be any number of things. Glory, Dawn, Joyce, Spike, those guys with swords that kidnapped Xander… it could be anything.

After running through her mind everything she could think of, Willow settled on two choices. It was either Dawn or Spike, or possibly both. Buffy had been dealing with her mother's death, and anything about Glory or those knights would have something to do with Dawn anyway, so they could be discarded as categories.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Willow as Buffy threw a particularly had punch, breaking the hook that held the bag to the roof.

"Not really." Buffy's tone backed up the statement.

"Well, would you mind telling me what it is? 'Cause I feel awfully chatty, and I don't think you're interested in hearing about what I had for breakfast this morning."

Buffy smiled slightly. "Try me."

Willow shifted up on the couch so Buffy could sit down. "Actually, I didn't have time to eat this morning, so that's a dead end. Care to add something? I know you're dying to."

"Add what? That you're too nosy for your own good?"

Willow grinned. "I know. It's a flaw. I can't help it, so you're just going to have to satisfy my curiosity."

Buffy sighed. "You're not going to give up, are you?"

"Nope. We'll argue about it for a while, but eventually you'll tell me what's going on, so why don't we just skip that part?"

Buffy leant back on the couch, thinking. She had to talk to someone, and Willow was her best friend, but it was just so hard. She'd never felt this afraid in her entire life, not even when she'd known the Master was going to kill her. She'd been out of her mind with fear then, but this was different.

Willow seemed to understand, and tried to lead the conversation. "Is it about Dawn?"

Buffy shook her head.

"Spike?"

Buffy's head whipped up, and Willow knew she had the answer. "What's he done, Buffy?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Willow's tone was sceptical.

Buffy grimaced. "Well, he's done something, but it wasn't his fault, not really."

"What's that?"

Buffy's voice was a whisper. "He's making me fall in love with him."

Willow was shocked. Of all the answers she was expecting, that hadn't been one of them. She knew Buffy didn't really hate Spike, and she'd noticed something growing between them, but she'd never expected Buffy to come out and say it like that. After all the protesting she'd done that she didn't like Spike, this sudden reversal was totally unexpected.

Buffy looked at Willow with a sardonic grin. "Weird huh? That's not what's bothering me though."

Willow finally found her voice. "What is it then?"

"I don't know what's going on."

"What?"

"I don't know how this happened. I told myself, I swore, that I would never love him. I treated him like dirt, I beat him up every time I got the chance, I even uninvited him from my house. How could he possibly still be in love with me?"

"It wouldn't be that hard."

"What?"

"I said it wouldn't have been that hard. You're a wonderful person, and very easy to love. Just look around you. Me, Xander, Giles. We've been here since the beginning, and we've loved you since then too. You're a special person Buffy, and not just because you're the Slayer. Spike just saw the same things we do, and he couldn't help himself."

Buffy smiled slightly, unsure how to respond. Along with Spike's comment that morning, what Willow just said was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her. In the emotional state she was in, she almost felt like crying.

"Look at me Willow," she said, "and then look at this from another perspective. How many times do you think I've told Spike I hate him?"

Willow shrugged, unsure where this was going. "Don't know. You don't see him every day, so say maybe four times a week for the past three years, that's…"

"Not helping," said Buffy with a small laugh.

"Yeah, but I got you to laugh didn't I?"

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I guess you did, at that. Anyway, Spike's changed now. He's a completely different kind of vampire, but he's still the same person that he was before, when he only had the chip. Since he changed… do you know I don't think I've told him I hate him once since then? Well, not and try to make it sound like I mean it, anyway. What does that say about me?"

Willow didn't say anything, and Buffy sighed. "I don't know either, I was hoping you could tell me. The closest thing I can relate the feeling to is racism. I'm like… speciesist or something."

Willow laughed, but relented when Buffy gave her a hurt glare. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. Buffy, that's ridiculous. You had a relationship with a vampire before, and it didn't turn out well. You were just afraid of getting burnt, that's all. Spike's whole 'no soul' thing was probably putting you off too." Buffy didn't look convinced. "Let's face it Buffy. Most vampires aren't up for long term relationships with humans either. Vampires and humans would probably tend not to work real well together, I'm sure you can see why."

Buffy almost retched at the image that came to mind. She shuddered.

"See my point?" asked Willow.

Buffy nodded. "So where does this leave me then? What am I meant to do?"

Willow shrugged. "It's up to you. Spike's always been different, and so have you. You're both special, so I don't think normal rules really apply to you. Do whatever you feel is right."

"So you're not going to try and talk me out of liking him or anything?"

"Buffy, have you been listening to me at all?"

"Sorry."

"Something else is bothering you."

Buffy looked at her feet. "Can't put anything past you, can I?"

Willow shook her head. "Nope."

Buffy sighed. "You remember I said I was afraid?" Willow nodded. "Well, it's not because of the vampire thing. I don't really think that's a problem, I think I'm just… trying to run away from my problems or something."

"So why are you afraid?"

Buffy was silent, and her answer, when it came, was a whisper. "I'm afraid he'll leave me."

--------------

Spike pulled up his car in front of an old building that looked like it had once been a hotel of some sort. He'd told Buffy he would take care of the money, and just because he wasn't going to captain cardboard's mirror image any more didn't mean that he was going to back out of a promise.

He got out of the car and silently prayed that this was going to go better than he thought it would. He didn't have much hope for it, however. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to go inside. He wasn't afraid, but this was going to be a very unpleasant meeting.

Stepping inside, he immediately got the attention of everyone in the room. They all knew him here, and on reflection, he realised that coming inside from full daylight might not have been the best way to show up. He didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before he was tackled from the side, and pinned to the floor.

He looked up into Angel's growling face and grinned. Then again, maybe this would be more fun that he thought. Buffy would soon be _his_, and he didn't have any of those pesky vampire weaknesses any more. Angel didn't have anything on him.

If anything, Angel's growling intensified at Spike's grin. Spike tried to push him off, but he had absolutely no leverage, and Angel refused to budge.

"What are you doing here, Spike?"

Spike noticed that Cordilia and two guys he didn't know had come over, and they were all holding various weapons; crosses, stakes, the black guy even had some weird looking axe. Spike couldn't help himself - he began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" growled Angel.

"Sorry, mate," said Spike, still laughing. "It's just… the weapons. Am I really worth all that?"

"All that and more, Spike." replied Angel, but he pushed himself off and let Spike get to his feet. "Answer my question, Spike. What are you doing here, and where did you get another ring?"

"Ring? What ring?" Spike held up his hands.

Angel was surprised. When he'd seen Spike come in from direct sunlight, he'd automatically assumed that Spike had found another gem of Amarra or something. His eyes flashed quickly to Spike's neck, wrists and ears, anywhere he could wear a piece of jewellery, and found nothing. "All right. I give up. How'd you do it?"

"Do what?" Spike was having fun.

"Don't mess with me Spike." Angel was growling again. "Why didn't the sunlight kill you?"

Spike shrugged, and Angel grabbed him by the collar. "Geez, mate. You're not in a good mood this morning, are you? Long night? You should try sleeping, it's so much easier at night than during the day…" He trailed off as Angel's expression changed to something he didn't recognise.

"How did you get hurt?" his tone was soft, and slightly dangerous.

Spike was completely taken aback. Almost all the bruising and cuts on his face were gone, and the only serious injuries he had that hadn't healed yet were a few broken ribs and a big hole in his chest. Spike shrugged it off, and tried to make Angel forget about it. he kept his tone nonchalant as he said "It's no big deal. We heal quick, remember. I just got into a fight with someone I should have avoided."

Angel knew Spike was lying, or at least not telling the entire truth. "Was it Buffy?"

Spike was completely unprepared for the question. Thinking quickly for a second, he realised that Angel probably didn't know much, if anything, about his relationship with the Slayer and her friends. He wondered if he even knew about the chip.

"Nah, it wasn't the Slayer. She doesn't really try and hurt me any more, a good punch in the face is about all I can expect these days." From the look on Angel's face, Spike guessed that he hadn't really been kept in the loop. That was something he was going to have to take care of. "Peaches, we've got some stuff to talk about."

Angel looked uncertain, but Cordilia interrupted and didn't give him a chance to say anything. "Great. Since having soulless vampires visiting to chat is becoming a regular occurrence around here these days, I guess you can have a seat, and I'll get you something to eat."

Angel was about to ask what she was talking about when he remembered Harmony. He just shrugged at Spike's questioning glance, and gestured toward the lounges in the large foyer. The black guy that Spike had noticed before went off with Cordilia, muttering something about not even being sure about killing vampires any more.

The other guy stayed with their group, and Angel introduced him as Wesley. The name struck something in Spike's memory, but he couldn't think where he'd heard it before.

By the time they'd all settled themselves on the couch, Cordilia and the black guy (who Angel had identified as Gunn) returned. Cordilia handed Spike and Angel mugs of warm blood, and Spike quickly smelt it to make sure it wasn't human blood. Satisfied that Angel hadn't been robbing blood banks, Spike took a sip and noticed Angel's surprise that he wasn't objecting to drinking animal blood.

Getting comfortable on the couch, Spike began to relate his story, although he was careful to gloss over the nature of his relationship with Buffy. He wasn't really in the mood for Angel to try and kill him. He told them about the chip, and helping the scoobies. He also gave them a quick account of what Glory was up to, but he didn't mention Dawn. The less people that knew about that the better.

"… so I was trying to kill myself…" he hadn't told them why, "… so I'm waiting for the sun to rise, and then the Slayer comes along, and I'm standing there talking to her, and then we both realise that I'm standing in direct sunlight. So anyway, she drags me off to talk to the Watcher, and he comes up with this theory that my body isn't rejecting me any more, or something like that. So I'm like some new breed or something. I've got all the perks, and none of the weaknesses."

Angel's eyes were slightly sceptical, but he held his peace and gestured to the cup. "But you still drink blood."

Spike nodded. "Did I leave that part out? I still need blood, 'cause I'm still a vampire, but I don't like human blood any more. Just the thought of it makes me sick."

"And you're totally okay with this?" asked Cordilia. "I mean, I remember when you were trying to kill Buffy, and you were like 'go death and destruction' and all that. And now you've what, just given up or something?"

"Not really," Spike smiled. "I'm still me. Got to have a certain number of kills a week, or it's just no fun." Angel's expression turned dangerous, even though Spike hadn't told them the chip was no longer working. "Not like that, mate. I told you I'm working for the Slayer now. I'm doing what you do. Killing all those nasties out there that try and eat the kiddies." 

That got smiles from everyone except Angel. "You still haven't told us why you're here, Spike. It can't just have been to catch us up on the news. What to you want?"

"Control of my finances."

"What?"

"You remember. My family was rich, and we took over all that when they died." He couldn't bring himself the say the complete truth. "And I know that you inherited all the assets of all the people we killed. I seem to remember you having a taste for the rich. At least a quarter of that money belongs to me, and I need it."

Angel was suspicious. "What for?"

"To help out some friends of mine, alright?" Spike was getting angry. "It's really none of your business anyway. Actually, and I'm not being greedy or nothing, but I should really get half, since I doubt Darla and Dru are going to show up and ask for their share."

Angel sighed. Spike obviously wasn't going to tell him anything, and he wasn't going to ask any more. Spike had already made him seem like a fool this morning, and he wasn't going to give him any excuse to do it again.

"Fine," he said. "I'll set up an account for you and wire the money into it. You'll be able to access it by tomorrow."

Spike nodded, and got up from the couch. He handed his mug back to Cordilia. "Thanks for the meal, pet." He looked at her for a second, remembering. "You're different than I remember." Cordilia looked startled. "That was a compliment, by the way. You were friends with Harm, right?" Cordilia nodded. "I'm sorry about that."

Cordilia didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell if Spike was sympathising with her because Harmony was a vampire, or because she'd been friends with her. She was too confused to register the other meaning behind his comment.

Spike nodded to the rest of the group before he turned and left, getting into his car and heading back to Sunnydale.

-----------------

Glory was in a _very_ good mood. Her minions had just informed her that the Knights of Byzantium had kidnapped the boy the Slayer was such good friends with, and he hadn't been killed. This to Glory pointed to one thing. He wasn't the Key, and that narrowed her list of likely suspects to one.

Issuing orders as she sorted through her closet, Glory smiled to herself. Soon she would have the Key, and soon she'd be able to go home. And the Slayer wouldn't be able to do squat. She pushed aside the unnatural feeling of doubt that plagued her mind about the decision, deciding that even if the witch wasn't the Key, killing her would send a message. It was time to remind the Slayer exactly how powerless she really was.

This was going to be _fun_.

**End Chapter 10**

_Don't say anything about my use of cliches. I'm very aware of them, but sometimes they're useful, and we all just have to deal. Are you dealing? I'm dealing._


	11. Control

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Chapter 11: Control

Buffy was lying on her bed when she heard the front door slam, so she guessed that Dawn was home. She had no idea where Spike was, and she couldn't work out how she felt about that. She was so confused, and had no idea what to do. Willow had told her to do what she wanted, but the problem was that she didn't know what that was.

She had admitted to herself that she did find Spike attractive, and she had told Willow that she thought she was falling in love. That was what scared her. She'd worked it out. She wasn't afraid of loving him, she was afraid that he would stop loving her. She was afraid that as soon as she surrendered herself to him, he would lose interest and leave her. She wouldn't be able to handle that.

Not again.

There was something about his mannerisms lately that made her think of Angel and Riley. She didn't want that, it was the whole 'been there, done that' scenario. They hadn't worked for her, even though she had loved them. She'd loved Angel so much, and she'd sent him to Hell to save the world. And still he'd come back for her. But when he left, it had scarred her. He had said he was going for her own good, so she could have a normal relationship, a normal life.

What did a normal life matter when he was the first man she ever loved?

Riley was different. As she thought about it, she realised that Xander had been right. She had been treating Riley like the rebound guy, and that hadn't been fair. He had been a great guy, and sweet, but he was just so… _inept_. He had never been able to really be _there_ for her. When her mother had gotten sick, Riley hadn't known what to do. It had seemed like he was afraid of even holding her, when that had been the thing she'd needed most. Someone to comfort her and tell her it would all be okay. He hadn't been able to do that. They'd never really clicked the way she had with Angel.

The whole Initiative thing wasn't so great either.

Spike was different, usually. He kept her on her toes, kept her thinking. He didn't need protecting, and he believed enough in her to let her fight her own battles. He worried about her, but he didn't try and stop her doing her job. He helped, like Angel had, but he wasn't always looking over his shoulder to make sure she was still alive. He didn't tell her to run and hide when things started to get hairy.

He loved her, but he also understood her.

He knew she needed that bit of freedom. He was bad-ass enough that she didn't have to worry about the evil things in the night coming after him. Usually. Recently, Spike had been more like steady, stability guy, than his usual tough guy big bad routine. If he thought he had to be that for her to love him, he was dead wrong. If he did that for too long, he'd leave, and she knew it.

To love him, she needed him to be himself.

She refused to open her heart just to get it broken again.

Belatedly she realised that Dawn hadn't come up to see her yet, and she wondered what was wrong. Ever since she had found out she was the Key and their mother had died Dawn had always at least called out to tell Buffy she was home. Resigning herself to having to deal with people, Buffy slowly got up and headed downstairs.

She found Dawn in the kitchen making herself a sandwich. She walked over and sat at the bench, and suddenly remembered something.

"Oh my god Dawnie, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to pick to up."

Dawn put down the knife she was using and looked at Buffy, her eyes soft. "It's okay. Xander swung by the magic shop and gave me a lift. Willow told me you weren't really feeling well." Dawn hadn't believed what Willow told her for a second, and as soon as she saw Buffy she could tell she was confused and upset.

Buffy's expression was questioning when Dawn mentioned Willow. Dawn noticed, and elaborated. "She said you were feeling a bit sick. Someone really needs to teach her to lie properly, I didn't buy it at all. Do you want to talk about it?"

Buffy smiled slightly and shook her head. "Willow never could keep a secret," she paused. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm just a little confused, that's all. I never know what to do any more."

Dawn walked around the table and gave her sister a hug. "Everything will be fine, you'll see." Disengaging herself from her sisters arms, she grabbed her sandwich and flashed Buffy a quick grin. She whispered something into her ear, and then turned and left the kitchen.

Buffy stared after her sister, amazed at how perceptive she was becoming, her final words doing reruns in her mind.

"Don't worry. He'll never leave you."

-------------

It was just beginning to get dark when Spike drove through Sunnydale on his way back to the Summers' house. He wondered if Buffy had calmed down yet, and was actually a bit nervous about just walking through the door. The Slayer did have a temper on her after all, and he still wasn't completely healed from Glory's ministrations.

He was a couple of streets away from the Magic Box when he saw something that made him itch. He couldn't quite see details properly from this distance, but it looked like a group of people were dragging someone into an alley. Cursing, he pulled over and parked his car. He grabbed a light axe he had on the back seat, and quietly approached the group.

By the time he got close, he realised that his original guess for the situation was only half right. Someone had been attacked, but not by people. Spike immediately recognised Glory's minions, and wished he had a bigger axe.

There were about seven of them, and it looked like whoever they were attacking had already been subdued. They were grouped around a figure that was slumped on the ground apparently discussing the best way to carry them. Spike tried to get a better look at the unconscious figure, and caught a flash of long blond hair.

Spike immediately jumped into action. He emerged from his hiding place and swung his axe, decapitating the first one before they had even noticed him. A second fell just as quickly, but the remaining five had realised what was happening. One of the five carried some rope, and another was holding a large branch, but other than that they were unarmed. Unfortunately, they all stood between him and the unconscious girl.

Spike settled into a more comfortable stance and raised his axe. Five of Glory's stupid minions who didn't have weapons. Shouldn't be too hard. He shot forward and lashed out, and the one with the branch went down, a gaping wound in his chest. He spun around, his arm extended, and the rope guy fell, it's face a bloody mess.

Three.

Spike moved back out of range, playing it cautiously. Last time he'd seen these guys they'd kidnapped him, so they did have some strength. A well aimed blow at the base of his skull would knock him out just like anyone else. Though it looked like he wouldn't really have to worry about that as he watched them cowering in fear.

'How pathetic,' he thought. 'Leave it to someone like Glory to surround herself with cowards and morons.'

He let his game face come out as his thoughts turned to Glory. As the muscles in his face shifted and his teeth lengthened, Spike felt something inside him snap. He leapt at the three cowering minions, his mind in a haze. All he could see was Glory, and what she had done to him, what she'd done to Buffy, what she would do with the Nibblet if she ever got her hands on her.

Slowly he realised that his axe was no longer meeting any resistance, and the fog lifted from his mind. As his eyes cleared he looked around him, and was sickened by what he saw. The alley walls were splattered with blood, and the ground was worse. Seven dead and mutilated figures lay around him, all without heads, many missing limbs also. The one right in front of him was the worst. His axe had gone right through it. Vertically. It was literally cut in half in front of him, his axe having sliced from groin to throat, before twisting to take off the head.

Tearing his eyes away, Spike looked around for the girl. Everything was so covered in blood, it was assaulting his senses, making him crazy. He couldn't tell if there was any human blood mixed in with the demon, there was too much of it and the smell was too strong. Whatever he was now, he was still a vampire, and large amounts of blood, any kind of blood, will send a vampire's senses reeling.

Finding it increasingly hard to concentrate Spike looked around the alley, trying to block out what he was seeing. Finally, he saw her slumped down against one of the walls of the alley, hidden in the shadows and fortunately out of the worst of the blood bath.

The blond hair was obvious now, despite being dirty and splattered lightly with blood. Spike sighed with relief as he realised that he had been right that the girl was not Buffy. She hadn't smelled like her before, and even on the ground her figure had seemed too tall for the tiny Slayer. But she was still a human, and Buffy would have expected him to save her, especially from that bloody hellbitch.

Spike walked over to the girl and crouched down beside her pushing her hair from her face. He almost fell over in shock when he realised he was looking at the witch's girlfriend. She was coming up with a bad bruise on one cheek, and she had a small cut over one eye, but other than that she looked all right. Spike was relieved - Red was Buffy's best friend, and she and blondie here were obviously very close, and since Glory was behind this, losing Tara would have been a shocking blow for the Slayer.

Spike knew that the girl in front of him meant more than that, but at that moment he didn't really care. He liked the witches enough, they were good people, but he loved Buffy and Dawn, and he was not going to let anything happen to them. Glory had obviously planned to provoke Buffy in some way, make her do something stupid. Either that or she was still looking for Dawn, and he didn't know if the witch would have been able to survive Glory's interrogation without talking.

Looking around the alley again, Spike shuddered. Something had to be done, this had gone on for long enough. Glory was pushing their limits, and something really bad was going to happen when they snapped.

He let his features slide back into his human visage, and picked up Tara, cradling her in his arms. He looked out into the street and made sure there was nobody around before he made a dash for his car. He was covered in blood, and he didn't think he should be seen, especially with an unconscious girl and an axe.

It was full dark now, and he managed to get Tara into his car without being noticed. He drove straight to the magic shop, hoping someone would still be there. He swore when he saw the lights were off, and continued past without stopping. Buffy's house was the only other place he could think of to take her, and he had to face Buffy sooner or later. Maybe with something to take her mind off it, their situation wouldn't be so awkward.

He pulled his car into the driveway, and got the blond witch out as carefully as he could. He still wasn't sure if she'd been seriously hurt, but she was still unconscious, and that wasn't good. He slammed the car door with his foot, and made it to the porch when the front door opened and Dawn was standing there gaping at him.

Dawn didn't know what to think. She'd heard a door slam and assumed Spike was back, but she would never have expected what she saw when she opened the door. Spike was completely covered in blood, and he had some around his mouth as well, dripping from his chin as though he'd been eating like an animal. He was also carrying Tara, who appeared to be unconscious and was also splattered with blood, though not so much as Spike. Dawn's first thought was that they had been attacked, but the blood around his mouth made her doubt her confidence in Spike. The slightly crazed look in his eyes wasn't helping either.

Spike seemed to know what Dawn was thinking. He shook his head. "Get your sister, Nibblet. Glory tried to take the witch." Spike's voice was tired, and Dawn suddenly understood all the blood. She raced into the kitchen where Buffy was about to start making dinner and told her about Spike and Tara. Buffy went to get the first aid kit, and Dawn went back to the door where Spike was still waiting with Tara. Dawn thought it was so sweet that he didn't want to get blood on their carpet.

"Spike, just put Tara on the bench in the kitchen and then go and have a shower. You look gross, and we can take care of her."

Spike nodded, and heeled off his boots before coming inside. He went into the kitchen and layed Tara gently on the bench that Buffy had cleared off, and headed upstairs to take a shower. He felt dirty, but no amount of water was going to wash it off. He passed Buffy on the stairs, and continued up without looking at her. How could he, after what he had done?

She was right. He really was a monster.

--------------

Buffy stared as Spike walked past her, not looking at her, but careful not to touch her. Seeing him covered in blood was definitely a shock, but it was his demeanour that alerted her to something different. There was something about him that she'd never seen in him before. Quiet, subdued, head bowed… something was wrong. Spike, the self-assured smartass that he was, had never been anything but cocky and confident. The person who had just passed her on the stairs was not Spike. Not the one she knew.

Spike wasn't himself. He looked almost… _depressed_. Buffy almost understood why when she entered the kitchen and saw Tara laid out on the bench. Dawn was doing her best to clean the blood off her, and Buffy could see that there were already dirty cloths in the sink. A large bruise was covering one side of Tara's face, and she had a nasty gash over one eyebrow. She really wasn't a pretty picture.

Buffy asked if she had regained consciousness at all, and Dawn shook her head. That worried Buffy, but she wasn't entirely sure what she could do. She knew Spike couldn't have taken her straight to the hospital, not with them looking like they were. She wasn't sure a hospital was even a good idea.

Dawn seemed to have been thinking along the same lines. "Should we take her to the hospital?"

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know. We may have to, but we should probably get everyone over here first."

Dawn nodded. "I called Willow and Giles while you were upstairs. Giles said he'd call Xander and Anya. I think they'll all be here as soon as possible."

Buffy was impressed with her sister's foresight. Opening the first aid kit she'd gotten from the bathroom, Buffy began to do the best she could with Tara's cut. "It should probably be Willow's decision about whether she goes to the hospital or not."

Dawn didn't say anything. She could see how unsettled Buffy was, but she didn't think Tara was the only person she was worrying about. Dawn had seen the haunted look in Spike's eyes, and if Buffy had seen it… she couldn't even begin to predict her reaction.

The silence was broken when the front door crashed open and Willow ran into the kitchen a second later. When she saw Tara she let out a small cry, and Dawn couldn't tell if it was relief or horror. Dawn and Buffy both moved away from the bench, and Willow quickly moved to take over Buffy's position of doctoring Tara's cut. Tears ran slowly down her cheeks, and Buffy and Dawn stayed as unobtrusive as possible without leaving. Neither wanted to leave Willow completely alone.

Buffy stood with Dawn in her arms, not sure who needed the comfort more. Her heart went out to Willow, but her thoughts had turned to Spike. Despite the nasty cut and the bruise, Tara looked like she would survive.

Spike hadn't.

There had been something eating at him as he walked up the stairs. She hadn't even been able to see his face, but he hadn't been able to even raise his eyes to acknowledge her presence. When she had seen the amount of blood that had covered Spike, Buffy had felt sick to her stomach, she had been close enough to smell it, to almost feel the viscosity of it. She had seen enough blood in her time to have been able to tell immediately that it hadn't been human, but it was still disgusting.

She would have thought Spike would have been used to it. Even though he'd never been as sadistic as Angelus, he _had _been a monster. He shouldn't have minded. It shouldn't have bothered him so much. But it was bothering him, and she really needed to find out why. She also needed to know how he got _that_ covered in blood. She had a feeling the two were connected. The answer to one would explain the other.

Dawn shifted slightly in Buffy's arms when Xander, Anya, and Giles arrived. Buffy held her close, finally deciding that it probably wasn't her sister that needed the contact most. Willow was sitting at the bench holding Tara's hand, having done the best she could for her cut. She hadn't said a word since she had arrived, and Buffy and Dawn had let her be.

Giles took one look at Tara and said something under his breath, and Buffy had no doubt it wasn't complimentary. Xander walked over and gave Willow a quick hug which she gratefully returned, but then moved back over to where Anya was standing, apparently sensing Willow's desire to be alone near Tara.

Giles had no such restraint. Despite the sympathy in his eyes, someone had to be the rational one. "Willow," he said softly, "we should take her to the hospital."

When Willow looked up at him, her eyes were filled with pain, love, and a hundred other conflicting emotions. Giles could sense her objections. "It's really the best thing for her. You can't do anything more."

Willow looked like she still wasn't convinced, but she nodded anyway. It was reluctant, but it was agreement. Giles immediately left the room to call an ambulance, deciding it was safer than carrying Tara out to his car to drive her himself. When he re-entered the room, nobody had moved.

He moved over and put a hand on Willow's shoulder. "They'll be here soon. You'll go with them?" Willow nodded. "All right. We will follow after. We're all here for you."

Willow nodded again, but her eyes stayed on Tara's prone form. Giles dropped his hand and moved away, having done all he could think of to comfort her. The room was silent again, and there wasn't another word spoken until the ambulance arrived.

---------------

Buffy watched as the ambulance drove off. Everyone else had decided to go to the hospital in case Tara woke up, and to be there for Willow. Dawn wouldn't have gone, but Buffy asked her to. There was something she needed to do, and she didn't want anyone else around.

It was time to deal with Spike.

She hadn't seen him since he had gone upstairs to take a shower, and she was worried. He was still in the house, she could sense his presence, but there was something wrong with him and she needed to find out what.

She locked the front door, and then headed up the stairs. Her feet moved with some reluctance, she wasn't really looking forward to this, but it had to be done. A Spike that wasn't Spike could be dangerous. He'd changed once, who's to say he wouldn't change again? She hadn't thought he would, not as long as he believed he had a reason for being good, but if he got depressed…

The long and short of it was that Spike had to stay Spike.

Buffy reached the top of the stairs, and walked straight to the bathroom. Spike was still inside, and she wasn't sure if she should knock or just go straight in. Remembering that Spike had been in the bathroom to take a shower, Buffy decided that it was probably better to knock. The bathroom was the one room where she _really_ shouldn't just walk in on Spike.

Actually…

Buffy shook her head and tried to ignore the flush that had crept up on her face. Taking a minute to calm herself, she raised her hand and knocked.

Spike didn't answer. He didn't feel like talking to anyone, and especially not to Buffy. Not after what he'd done. He'd failed, and he'd lied to her. How could he face that?

"Spike, we have to talk. You know we have to, or you would have left. I need to know what's wrong, Spike." Buffy did her best to keep her voice calm. She needed to be persuasive, and she knew she couldn't afford to get pissed off.

There was silence from the other side of the door. Buffy waited, sure Spike would let her in when he was ready. Eventually, Spike's voice came softly through the door.

"It's open."

Buffy took a deep breath and opened the door. She couldn't see Spike right away, but then she noticed him sitting against one of the walls, his knees pulled to his chest and his head down. He hadn't dressed, and had only a towel wrapped around his waist. Buffy saw his clothing lying in a bloody puddle on the floor. She noticed Spike was sitting as far away from the blood as possible.

Carefully stepping over the mess, Buffy slowly approached Spike. She crouched down in front of him, but he did not raise his head to look at her. From this close, she could see the hole in his chest and also some bruising on his ribs. She forced herself to ignore his physical injuries. They weren't the problem right now.

Buffy put her fingers under his chin and gently raised his head. He finally lifted his eyes to meet hers, and she was absolutely stunned by what she saw in them. Pain, guilt, remorse, hate, love.

Something about his eyes sparked something in her memory. What she was seeing now was everything she saw in Angel's eyes in the moment he got his soul back. Everything and more. She couldn't understand it. Spike may have changed, but he still didn't have a soul. It didn't really matter to her so much any more, but the comparison was accurate.

Buffy suddenly found she was terrified.

In an instant she realised how much of a fixture Spike had become in her life. Seeing him the way he was… it wasn't right. Spike shouldn't be like this. She _needed_ the Spike that was cocky and confident. And she could tell that right now, his mental and emotional state was going to depend on her, and she had no idea what to do. She didn't know how to fix this.

Drawing in a shuddering breath, Buffy made a decision. No matter what he was feeling and how he was acting, hiding underneath was still a Spike she knew. She grabbed one of his wrists and yanked him to his feet, not bothering to keep a tight rein on her strength. Spike could handle it.

Spike had a moment to look surprised before Buffy dragged him out of the bathroom. Despite his funk, he couldn't help a moment of curiosity. What was she doing?

Buffy dragged him along the hall and virtually threw him through the open door of her bedroom. Since Spike's faculties had almost deserted him, he lacked his usual grace as he tripped and went sprawling on the floor by Buffy's bed.

Buffy closed the door behind her and crossed the floor to where Spike was. She stood in front of him, arms crossed.

"Get up, Spike."

Spike raised his head. Buffy's tone implied that she would not take no for an answer, and her expression told him that if he did refuse, she'd probably lift him up by his hair. Spike almost didn't care, but he got slowly to his feet. Buffy jabbed a finger at her bed, and Spike sat.

Buffy had no idea what was wrong with Spike. He was never compliant. He should have been pissed off by now. He should have been angry, fighting with her. Why wasn't he? Buffy let her eyes slide from his face, and instantly jerked them back up. Spike was still only wearing a towel around his waist and despite the situation, Buffy had to force herself not to blush at the thoughts that flashed through her mind. It _really_ wasn't the time for that.

Then again, maybe it was.

Buffy reached out and grabbed the back of Spike's head. She forced him to stand up again, and then lifted her head and pressed her mouth hard against his.

Spike stood shocked for an instant. The feel of Buffy's lips on his had brought him fully back to reality. He would have liked to respond, to experience something he'd been fantasising about for years, but reality brought the full weight of his shame to the front of his mind. He allowed himself a moment to store the memory in his mind forever before he pulled away without having really kissed her back. He couldn't let her corrupt herself by touching him.

Buffy was surprised, and suddenly even more worried. If Spike was too upset to even respond when she kissed him, she really had no idea what to do. She looked into his eyes and held back a sigh of relief. At least he was fully aware of his surroundings now. Hopefully that meant she'd made some impression. She decided that now was probably a good time to talk before he went semi-catatonic again.

"Are you going to tell me what this is all about, Spike? Or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" Buffy kept her voice hard, trying to get Spike to respond.

Spike looked at her, his eyes steady. "Maybe you should. I definitely deserve it."

Forget acting, thought Buffy. He really was beginning to irritate her now. "The way you're behaving, maybe you need it. What's up with you?"

Spike tried to ignore how hot Buffy looked when she was pissed. He may have hated himself at the moment, but that didn't mean he'd stopped loving her. Spike cursed himself for a fool. He couldn't afford to let his mind wander. He had to get away from her, it was the only thing he could do for her. How could he ever have believed he'd really changed?

He took a moment to collect himself. He had to tell her something, give her a reason. "I'm sorry Slayer, but who're we bloody kidding? I'm a monster, and we both know it."

With his words, Spike shattered Buffy's stability. He was going to leave her. He was going to leave, just like Angel did. Spike was the man she had thought would never leave her, the one man she wouldn't drive away from her. It was the one thing she'd feared the most.

"You're leaving." Buffy's voice was tiny.

Spike hated the hurt on her face, but if he didn't leave he would destroy everything that was _her_.

"You promised. You promised, and Dawn said… you said you'd never leave me. I can't… I need you to be here… there's too much…" Buffy gave up all semblance of control and fell to her knees, sobbing in her hands.

Spike knelt down in front of her and gathered her into his arms. He had to leave, but he didn't have to leave her like this. "Pet, shhh…. Don't cry. You know I'm a monster. I can't be here, you should a staked me long ago."

Buffy had her face buried in Spike's shoulder, and even through her distress fleetingly wondered how Spike had become the one in control here. Her words came out in ragged breaths. "You're not… you're not a monster any more, Spike. You… you proved that, remember. You're good now… you said you were good now…"

Every word Buffy said drove pain through Spike's heart. He had said that, and he had meant it, but he'd been lying anyway. He stroked Buffy's hair, enjoying the feeling of holding her, even if he would never get to do it again. "I thought I could be, luv. I wanted to be. But what I did this afternoon… only a monster could do that."

Buffy lifter her head to look Spike in the eyes. Her face was wet from her tears, but her expression was serious. "What did you do?"

Spike lowered his gaze. "Nothing I want you to hear about."

Buffy forced him to look at her again. "Spike, what did you do? I know you came home covered in blood, but I know it wasn't human. You killed demons to save Tara, and that's not something a monster would do." Buffy was getting herself back under control.

Spike swallowed, trying to find the words to describe what he'd done. "I don't know if you could understand. I… I didn't just… I didn't just kill them. I don't know what happened, I just bloody lost it or something. I saw the girl, and Glory's minions, and I just went crazy. The moment I changed, all I could see was red. I didn't know what I was doing. I had an axe, and I…" His voice cracked as he remembered the alley and the bodies that he'd hacked to bits.

Buffy suddenly understood. From the amount of blood that had covered Spike, he must have done a lot of damage. Tara had been pretty covered as well, which told Buffy that what Spike had done to those demons had involved a lot of hacking and slashing. And if he hadn't realised what he was doing, he had obviously come to the conclusion that he could lose it at any time and turn on her and her friends.

Buffy shifted herself around in his arms and slapped him up the head. "What're you, stupid? So you got angry, big deal. So you tore apart some of Glory's pathetic minions. Good for you. Who cares how messy it was? They worked for Glory, for god's sake. They were kidnapping Tara, and she's now in the hospital. They damn well deserved it, Spike."

Spike shook his head. "Buffy, luv, that's not…"

"Not the point?" Buffy interrupted. "No. The point is you think you'll lose it again one day and turn on us, isn't it?" Spike nodded mutely, and Buffy slapped him again. "You're an idiot, did you know that? You're not a monster any more. We all get that angry once in a while, and for people like you and me, we need to take it out on something. Glory's minions happened to be your something."

Buffy looked him straight in the eyes and dared him to contradict her. "You stopped being a monster a long time ago Spike, and I'm sorry I've never really told you that before. I think you really need to hear it now. You're not a monster, and you've just proved it again. Would a monster care that he'd killed some demons? Would a monster leave people he loved because he thought it was the best thing for them, no matter how he felt? I don't think so."

Buffy watched as her words had an impact on Spike. After a moment, his eyes lost some of the haunted look that had plagued them, and he gave her a small smile. "Bloody stupid, aren't I pet?"

Buffy nodded and hugged him. She was still cradled in Spike's arms on the floor of her bedroom, and she noticed that his arms tightened about her after she let go of him. "Does this mean you're not leaving then?" she asked.

Spike gave her a thoughtful look. "Well, luv… I don't know…"

Buffy tried to move so she could punch him, but his arms tightened around her even more and she found she couldn't move. Spike chuckled and kissed her on the cheek. "Of course I'll stay, Slayer. Who else is going to keep you on your toes?"

Spike's kiss made Buffy remember that she'd kissed him as well. She tried to keep her tone light and her embarrassment and uncertainty out of her voice. "Right now you're keeping me on my butt. Are you planning on letting me get up anytime soon?"

Spike considered it. "No, not really. I don't think I want to let you go."

Buffy flushed, and Spike smiled slightly when he noticed. He may have been wallowing in self-pity only a moment ago, but as he'd said, he had been being stupid. He thought about it, and realised he probably would have gotten as far as the base of the stairs before running back up them to beg Buffy to take him back.

Right now, he held the Slayer in his arms, and she wasn't fighting too much to be let go. 

If he could help it, he'd never let her go.

Buffy very suddenly became aware that Spike was still only wearing a towel. As much as she did hate to say it… "Spike, don't you think you should put some clothes on?"

Spike looked down at himself, and back up at Buffy. "Why?"

Buffy shifted quickly this time, and used more strength as she twisted to try and hit Spike. He tried to duck, but since he hadn't moved his arms front around her, he ended up falling forward and pushing Buffy down with him. Buffy suddenly found herself pinned to the ground with Spike on top of her, and had to wonder if his fall really had been an accident.

She doubted it.

Spike grinned at her, and Buffy refused to struggle. She knew she wouldn't be able to get the leverage to push him off. She settled for glaring at him, but it only made his smile wider. He bent down to her ear and purred softly, and the sound sent shivers though Buffy's body.

Buffy began to get irritated that she was getting excited. If Spike kept on the way he was, she was going to lose control. Losing control around Spike… she still couldn't decide what she wanted. True, she had kissed him first, but she'd been desperate to get him to stay.

Why?

If she didn't want this, then why did she want him to stay so badly, why had she freaked when he'd said he had to leave? Willow had told her to do what felt right. She didn't know if this was right, but it felt _good_. Spike was half naked on top of her and purring in her ear, and that single act made her feel more alive than she had in weeks.

Good enough.

Buffy laughed, and lost control.

****

End Chapter 11

__

No. That's all I'm saying. Use your imagination if you want to. I can't write sex scenes. I tried, and when I read it, I laughed. I'm that bad at it. Anyway, I rated this as PG-13 when I started, and I'm going to stick to it. Hope you liked this chapter, 'cause it was a serious pain in the butt to write ('cept for Spike's fight. That was fun).


	12. Promises

---------------------

**Chapter 12: Promises**

Willow sat by Tara's beside, not taking her eyes off her love's face. Seeing her hooked up to all these machines… it was maddening. Glory couldn't be dealt with soon enough to suit her. The doctors had said that Tara was suffering from head trauma, and she had heard Xander muttering something about deja vu.

His words had made Willow remember how she'd woken up to find Xander and Oz at her side after she'd been hurt after trying to do that spell to restore Angel's soul. She'd had head trauma then and she'd woken up. But the doctor had said that the longer it took the less likely it was.

Willow looked at her watch. It was almost two in the morning, and she recalled Dawn telling Giles that Spike had shown up with Tara just after dark. So it hadn't been too long then.

It felt like forever.

Willow had a vague memory of someone talking to her just as she was regaining consciousness. So far, she hadn't been able to say a word. She had held Tara's hand for a few hours, but after a while even that had become too hard.

Finally, Willow couldn't stand it any more. She hadn't left this room since she'd been allowed in, and she really needed to stretch her legs. And the longer she stayed with Tara, the more she had to fight down the impulse to go after Glory herself.

Getting up from her seat, she kissed Tara gently on the forehead and quietly left the room. Xander and Dawn were waiting down the hall. Dawn had curled up asleep on the couch with her head in Xander's lap, and he was idly flipping through a magazine. He looked up as she approached, and with a shake of her head she told him Tara had yet to regain consciousness.

He put the mag down and as carefully as he could, he lifted Dawn's head off his lap and placed it back on the couch, and folded up his jacket as a pillow for her. As soon as Dawn was settled he turned and gathered Willow into his arms, telling her without words that he was there for her.

After a minute, Willow pulled away and looked around.

"Giles left to do some research." He said. His mouth twisted wryly, "Now that was a surprise, as you could imagine." Willow smiled weakly. "He said that if Glory was finally resorting to brute force, her deadline must be approaching. Apparently there's a specific time and place that Glory has to perform the ritual with the Key, and if she misses her window… well, she hits the wall." Xander's lame joke got another weak smile. "I asked Anya to go and get us some food. Proper stuff, not the junk they sell here. I thought that maybe you could use something."

Willow nodded gratefully, though she wasn't really all that hungry. "Xander, would you mind sitting with Tara for a while? I need to walk around a bit, but I don't want to leave her alone too long. I just…"

Xander nodded, and gave Willow another quick hug. "Sure. I don't mind a bit. Take your time, okay? You're really wound up, and it'll help. Trust me, I know the feeling." He gave Dawn a quick glance then walked off to Tara's room.

Willow sighed. She'd wanted to go for a walk, but looking along the hospital corridor she came to the conclusion that walking around the silent halls would only serve to make her really depressed. She just needed something to take her mind off things. She walked over to the couch Dawn was sleeping on, and sat down on the small space left at the end near Dawn's head. She picked up the magazine Xander had been reading, and chuckled quietly when she saw it was about different ways to make quilts. She doubted he'd really been paying any attention to it at all, which meant he really was worried.

Willow smiled slightly. The gang had always been a bit awkward around Tara. They never really knew how to treat her. The rest of them had been friends (or enemies) for years, they knew where they stood around each other. Tara was something different, and they didn't know how to react. Sure, they'd stood up for Tara against her family, but Willow had always wondered at the back of her mind if they had only done it for her, because they knew that _she_ like Tara.

Xander being awake at two in the morning and reading a quilting magazine?

They really did care.

-------------

Xander quietly closed the door behind him as he entered Tara's darkened room. The entire situation was eerily familiar to him, and it was giving him a serious wiggins.

He took the seat that Willow had been using, and sat silently for a while, just looking at Tara and thinking. Tara had always been an unknown to him. In a way she had reminded him of the way Willow used to act back in high school when she was around people other than him or Jesse. Then Buffy came into their lives, and things changed. Jesse died, and their world was turned upside down. Vampires were real, demons were real, a lot of ugly slimy things were trying to end the world on a regular basis… and it all stemmed from living on a Hellmouth.

Slowly Willow had become more confident in herself. Fighting demons and vampires every night has to have some kind of effect. Xander had noticed it in himself, but he had held to his deep seated desire never to grow up. Willow hadn't. She'd grown up, and she'd found someone new to love after Oz left. Someone who made her happy. Xander didn't want to see her lose that.

So he'd made an effort to accept Tara. He'd tried to treat her like everyone else, but he'd always been a little nervous he might screw up in some way, and ruin everything.

The real problem had been that Tara had never stopped being shy around them. She would offer suggestions sometimes, but she'd always been uncertain as well. He got the feeling from her that she believed the group only tolerated her for Willow. That wasn't really true.

They didn't dislike her, they just didn't know her. Xander and Buffy had worked that out when they were trying to get her a birthday present. They'd been sitting in a magic shop, and they hadn't been able to think of anything to buy a witch. That sort of thing tells you that you really don't know a person.

All he really knew was that she was nice. That wasn't really a surprise. It was usually only the nice people (or the demons) that were stupid enough to stay on the Hellmouth once they knew what was really going on. Everyone had different degrees of niceness, but it was there somewhere. People who didn't have some kind of selflessness in them could never stand the reality. They left town and moved to denial land. It was safer that way, and probably better.

But not for them. No, they were different. Their group these days was the epitome of different. A Slayer who defied Council law, a Watcher who also defied the Council because he actually cared about his Slayer, two very powerful witches, a 1000 year old ex vengeance demon, and a Xander thrown in for good measure. And though Xander was reluctant to admit it, there was also a 120 year old freaky vampire-without-a-soul-but-I'm-still-good-and-look-I-proved-it with them as well.

Over the years, they had also accommodated a vampire with a soul, a gypsy masquerading as a teacher, a werewolf, a 'May Queen', a duty-freak Slayer, a psychotic Slayer, and a commando with a secret government military operation that had a thing for playing with demons' insides.

All in all, it was quite a show.

He hadn't liked everyone they'd worked with, but it was only fair. He hadn't particularly liked Angel, but that probably originally stemmed from jealousy. Later he didn't like him because he'd gone evil and tortured Giles and killed his girlfriend.

He hadn't liked Oz at first because he was so protective of Willow. After a while the guy had grown on him a bit. Being a werewolf, he fit right in. Tara was probably the same sort of deal. Xander knew he had never grown out of being protective of Willow. They'd grown up together, and he never wanted to see her get hurt.

Looking at Tara, he realised that he was seeing it now. Willow was hurting, and Xander hated that he couldn't do a thing to stop it. When he thought of what Willow was going through he was reminded of himself when she had been hurt, and he knew that nothing he could do or say would make her stop worrying.

He sat forward in his chair, and moved slightly closer to Tara. Even if he didn't really understand her, she was part of the group now, and it would hurt them all if she never woke up. He reached out to touch her hand, but suddenly felt weird and let it drop.

"Tara," he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. "I'm not sure if you can actually hear this, but I'll say it anyway. You need to wake up. We all care about you, and you should see what this is doing to Willow. Please, Tara. You're part of the scooby gang now, did we ever tell you that?" he chuckled slightly, "Hey, if Spike is, then you definitely are, okay? Just… wake up, all right? Please. Willow needs you, Tara. She loves you."

Xander stopped speaking as he noticed Tara's hand begin to twitch. Before leaving the room to get Willow, he looked up at the ceiling as if he could glare at the Powers That Be.

"If this is your idea of a joke, I really don't find it funny."

-------------

Spike woke slightly before dawn, his body still aware of the sunrise. It took a moment for his mind function properly, but pretty soon the events of the previous day came rushing back. Angel, the massacre, Red's girlfriend, Buffy.

Spike turned his head slightly, and noticed exactly how Buffy was curled around him. Her head was using his shoulder as a pillow, and she had an arm over him and her legs entwined with his. There was no way he could get out of the bed without waking her.

He didn't want to wake her just yet. The first thing she would do would be to tell him that last night had been a mistake, and it would never happen again. Buffy could be so bloody stubborn sometimes. She just refused to admit that he was the right guy for her.

Spike didn't move. He wanted as long as possible with her before she rejected him. He loved the feel of Buffy's body against his, and last night had been the closest thing to heaven that he had ever experienced. It had been so _right_, he wondered how Buffy could possibly deny it.

He lay there with his eyes closed, reliving the previous night. Fantasising about Buffy was so much easier when her naked body was pressed to his.

Spike was so lost in the memory that he didn't notice when Buffy stirred. She woke slowly, gradually becoming aware that she was almost lying on top of someone. Memories of last night came flooding back, and Buffy almost cried out when she realised what she done with Spike.

She opened her eyes, only to find that Spike still appeared to be sleeping. Propping herself up on one elbow she examined his face, watched as he smiled slightly. He really was beautiful, she had to admit that.

Last night had been her decision. Spike had started it, but she'd given him permission to continue. It really wouldn't be fair to get mad at him for something she had asked him to do. She had wanted it, she had, but she still wasn't sure if she could open herself up enough to really love him. He had been so close to leaving last night. He might have left her, just like everyone else.

It didn't matter that he would have left because he loved her. Angel had loved her, and he'd left for her own good. Spike had been so close to following in his grandsire's footsteps. She had needed him to stay so badly it had scared her. So maybe she'd done something she shouldn't have.

Watching Spike as he moaned softly and mumbled her name, Buffy wondered if maybe she was wrong. Maybe this had been the right thing to do. Maybe Spike would be the one who would stay with her.

So many maybes.

What it all came down to was that she still wasn't sure. She knew she felt something for Spike, but she didn't know exactly what it was. It wasn't hate any more, but she was fairly certain that it wasn't love. At least not yet. But she knew the only thing holding her back from it was herself.

She was just so afraid. And she hated herself for it.

She'd faced vampires, demons, and the end of the world, and so far she'd never flinched. She'd overcome her fear of the Master and gone to face him, knowing it would mean her death. She'd sent the first man she'd ever loved to Hell to save the world. She'd never backed down from a fight.

Sure, she'd run occasionally. She'd run to LA, she'd shut out her friends, she'd lied to her mother, she'd fallen to the desires of darkness. But she'd always come back. She'd always faced it down. She'd never given up, never surrendered.

Last night had severely dented her track record.

She'd finally surrendered, backed down from her word, from a fight that had been going on for years. She'd given up to _Spike_ of all people, and she had to wonder if she was going to find a self-satisfied superior smirk plastered across his face when he woke up.

She hoped not. That would be the one thing she couldn't handle. She could take a smile, but if he started acting like he'd won the war… there were always sharp stakes around the place.

Spike was still moaning her name occasionally, and she had to smile at the desire and love she could hear in his voice. It was so flattering that he could still love her after she had treated him like dirt, hated him more than she really had a right to. It was amazing that he had fallen in love with her in the first place.

Maybe he wouldn't say anything. Maybe he'd let her make the decision, not say anything until she'd made up her mind on her own. Maybe he loved her enough to understand how confused and scared she was. She sighed.

Everything still hinged on maybe.

Buffy tried to untangle her legs from Spike's without waking him. She had to get away for a little while, just to think. Unfortunately, her movement made Spike grumble, and he reached out an arm and pulled her back down to him. Buffy was now completely stuck, her body pressed to Spike's and his strong arms preventing her moving. Spike sighed happily and Buffy had to repress the urge to giggle.

Finally, she allowed herself to relax. She couldn't make any decisions until Spike woke up, so there was no point stressing about it. The best thing for her to do at the moment was just to close her eyes and enjoy being held by someone who loved her.

------------

Spike almost started as he woke up. He hadn't intended to fall asleep again, and he suddenly became aware that he was now holding Buffy to him like he never planned to let go. And he wouldn't, if that option were truly open to him.

Buffy hadn't been asleep, but she was startled back to reality when Spike's body had jerked slightly. She kept her eyes closed for a moment, wishing everything was not so complicated. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Spike's expression would tell her everything she needed to know.

Spike smiled as Buffy tilted her head up to meet his gaze. Her first reaction hadn't been to beat the crap out of him, so that was a good sign. He relaxed his arms around her, allowing her to sit up, and make whatever decision she needed to.

Neither said anything as Buffy sat up against the headboard, holding up the sheet to cover her nakedness. It might have been to late to be modest, but Buffy didn't really think they were up to the walking around naked with no embarrassment part of the relationship yet.

Buffy had been taken aback by Spike's smile. There hadn't been a trace of his cocky attitude, no smugly superior smirk. It had been a genuine 'I love you and worship the ground you walk on so please don't stake me' smile. Buffy had expected him to act all victorious and stuff, but he was… actually, she didn't know what he was, but whatever it was, he was it.

He was the absolute epitome of it.

Whatever it was. At least it was something good. She was almost certain of that. So far, he wasn't trying to kill her friends, and he hadn't walked out on her. That beat two of the previous three she had on the scoresheet.

Last night had definitely beat all three, but that wasn't the point right now.

Spike's smile had become more uncertain, and Buffy realised she still hadn't said anything. Neither had he, but she was the one who was meant to be in control here.

Control?

Yeah, right.

Spike could almost see the tension between them. He had to say something to break the ice. "Morning luv."

Buffy felt like hitting him. How could he be so calm? "Yeah."

"Uh, Slayer," Spike had to get this out. "You're not going to like, stake me or something are you? 'Cause, I mean, I'd kinda like a bit of advance warning…" he stopped when Buffy started to laugh softly. "What?"

Buffy shook her head, still laughing. Somehow, that had been exactly what she'd needed to hear from him. "No, I won't stake you. Can't speak for Giles though."

If it was possible, Spike would have paled. His expression set Buffy laughing again. He mumbled something under his breath, then threw his pillow at her.

Buffy was caught completely off guard as Spike's pillow hit her in the head, but her reaction was instinctive. She'd had too many pillow fights with Willow and Dawn to lose to _anyone_, and she didn't even think as she dived at Spike. He hadn't expected a retaliation so quickly, and Buffy's tackle threw them both right off the bed.

Spike clutched Buffy to him and rolled, hoping to pin her down, but Buffy stopped him and Spike ended up pinned beneath her. Spike smiled at her when he got a good look at the position they were in. It certainly afforded him a nice view.

Buffy noticed his smile and glanced down at herself. When she saw that she was still completely naked and the covers had not joined them on the floor, she gave a yelp and dived back onto the bed, wrapping the sheets around her.

Somehow she managed to do it all without taking her eyes off Spike.

Spike got up slowly and casually wrapped his towel around his waist. Buffy suddenly remembered that Spike's blood-covered clothes were still on the bathroom floor. She grimaced at the thought of scrubbing that came to mind.

Spike tossed her a robe from her closet, and she gratefully put it on. She felt so much more comfortable with something covering her.

"I'm going to go and find some clean clothes, okay pet?"

Buffy nodded. "When you're dressed, could you do something about the mess in the bathroom? I'd like to have a shower without worrying about slipping on blood." This was good. Normal Spike banter, forget that they had sex last night.

Spike grinned. "The blood would be dry by now, luv. You wouldn't slip."

Buffy walked over to the door. "I'm going to call Xander, then have breakfast, You hungry?"

"Yeah, a bit. Why're you calling the whelp?"

Buffy smirked at the worried expression on Spike's face. "To check on Tara, see if she's woken up. You do remember Tara, right? You know, all the blood and depression…" The flash of pain that crossed Spike's face told her that that line of teasing probably wasn't a good one to follow. "Sorry."

"No big deal. You go call. Check if Red's okay as well. I'm pretty certain that she could be real dangerous if she gets pissed. Still, wouldn't want her going after Glory on her own."

Buffy was worried. "You think she'd do that?"

Spike shrugged. "Maybe not. I don't think she will if her girlfriend's woken up, but otherwise… someone you love, I'd do it. Even knowing I'd die. I'd do it."

Buffy gave him a worried look and rushed out the door. He smacked himself on the head for saying anything. Not everyone was as bloody crazy as he was when he loved someone. Red was tough people, but she probably wouldn't have the guts.

-------------

When Spike came downstairs, dressed in clean clothing, Buffy was sitting in the kitchen, eating toast and apparently unconcerned. She looked up as he entered the room.

"Everything all right then?" he asked.

Buffy nodded. "Tara's woken up. The doctors want to keep her a day or two, but she should be fine. Willow's too happy to go kamikaze." She paused and gestured to the microwave. "Your breakfast's in there. Just press a button."

"The marvels of modern technology."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "The guys stayed at the hospital all night. Willow said Anya and Xander went home a few hours after Tara woke up, but Dawn's still there. She was asleep and they didn't want to wake her. Giles left to do research or something, so I have to go an pick up Dawn in a bit."

Spike got his blood from the microwave and leant against the wall. "I'd do it, but I have something else to take care of this morning."

"Oh? What?"

"Your money, remember? I told you I'd take care of it. I can get it for you today."

"Oh." Buffy had completely forgotten. "Uh, thanks. I'll pay you back when I can." She hated taking money from people.

Spike shook his head. "No need, luv. I don't have any use for it, and you do. It's the least I can do for you with all the trouble I've put you through in the past few years."

"Damn straight," said Buffy, but her words were light, and Spike could tell she was grateful.

Spike decided that maybe now was a good time for that talk that they'd been putting off since they woke up. "Slayer… we need to talk."

Buffy froze. She hated those words. They were almost always followed by something she really didn't want to hear.

Spike saw her reaction, and swore. Buffy looked up at him in surprise. "Sorry pet. Didn't mean to make it sound like that. I just meant that we need to talk about what happened last night."

She was right. She hadn't wanted to hear it. "Which part?" she asked, hoping he meant his personality issues, knowing he didn't.

Spike sighed. "Do you have to make this difficult? The latter part of the evening, Slayer. You, me, sex. I'm fairly bloody certain you noticed." He could almost _see_ Buffy hunch in on herself at his words. "Oh bleedin'… Slayer listen to me. You're not being yourself."

Buffy was confused, and it showed. "Buffy hits me when she's pissed, luv. She doesn't get all insecure and shy."

Buffy looked at him for a moment before carefully standing up and moving over to him. She made no attempt to hide her movement, and Spike did not try and dodge as her fist slammed into his cheek. He did, however, manage to keep from spilling any of the blood in his mug.

After a moment, Buffy smiled. "You're right, you know. This is much more me."

Spike grinned back, and tried not to wince. "So are we going to talk now, pet?"

Buffy sighed. She knew they had to talk, but she hated awkward post first night sex conversations. "Okay. I guess there's some things we need to say."

Spike was taken aback by her coldness. Was this it then? "You first luv, or me?" he asked hesitantly.

"Me," said Buffy, then looked as if she wanted to take it back. "Here goes nothing," she muttered under her breath. "Do you want to know what I'm feeling, Spike?" he nodded. "I'm scared. No, scratch that. I'm terrified. You've seen me and relationships. We don't work. I drive men away, you told me that yourself. The long and short of it… I don't want you to leave."

Spike put his mug down and quickly pulled Buffy into a fierce hug before she could protest. "I will never leave you," he practically growled the words. "Not as long as you want me here, and probably not even then. I'm not going to leave if you love me, and I'm not going to leave if you don't. Last night was the greatest gift anyone's ever given me, but if you think it was a mistake, or too soon, or something else, we don't have to do it again. I know you didn't really want another vampire, but I'm not really a vampire any more. We're both different than we were made to be, and a don't give a bloody damn. The only thing I ask of you is not to make me leave. Don't tell me to go because you're afraid of me, or of what we could be together."

'What we could be together'? The implications of that statement were too far reaching for Buffy to even contemplate. But she was still in his arms, and she hadn't pulled away yet, so that had to tell her something. She wanted to be with him, so much, but she was still so afraid. No matter what he said or did, Spike couldn't take away her fear completely.

"Luv, if it helps, when I tell someone that I love them, it means something. I stayed with Dru for over an hundred years, even when she bloody cheated on me with Angel. I've moved on now, but there will always be a place in my heart for her. I don't love her like I used to, because I'm a different kind of monster now, but I remember what I felt for her."

He slowly ran a hand through her hair. "But pet, I'm telling you, it's nothing compared to what I feel for you now. A vampire does have certain restrictions when it comes to feelings, since most of what we feel is taken over by the need to hunt. I don't have that any more, and everything I can feel now is taken up by you and the Nibblet. I don't have anything left, but I've given you more than I ever thought I had in me.

"I'm still a monster, but I'm the right kind of monster for you."

Buffy couldn't help it, she started crying. The past few days had just been _way_ too much, if all it took to start her crying were a few nice words from Spike. She really was getting soft. She slugged him in the arm, just to show she still had fight in her.

Spike chuckled and rubbed his arm. "There you are, Slayer." He could feel the wetness of her tears through his shirt, but he refrained from commenting. "Your turn again?"

Buffy wiped her tears away, but she didn't pull out from the protective circle of Spike's arms. "You won the war, you know. I won so many battles, but you still won the war."

Spike held her closer. "Maybe. But I don't think you're defeated. If you think about it, I think you'll realise we've both won. If you open yourself up again, you've beaten everyone who ever doubted you, everyone who's ever hurt you."

Buffy pulled back a little so she could look him in the face. "How is it that you're not tripping over your tongue saying all this emotional crap that girls just love to hear?"

Spike smiled. "I watch a lot of TV, luv. You'd be amazed at the stuff you can pick up from various soaps. And I guess there's a part of that bloody wanker William hiding around somewhere in here." Buffy giggled, and suddenly tilted her head up to kiss him. Spike was surprised, but he returned the kiss, not pushing it beyond what Buffy started. When she pulled back, Spike had one final question. "So it's okay then luv? You're not going to be afraid any more?"

Buffy shook her head. "I can't promise that Spike, but I can promise that I'll try. I won't push you away, but please… please, just swear to me that you'll never leave me."

"I swear, luv. I swear."

**End Chapter 12**

_Tell me what you think. Please? I need to know my limits for how sappy I can get with Spike. Oh, and for Buffy fans - don't fret, she'll get to have some fun soon. Trust me._


	13. Plans

------------------- ****

Chapter 13: Plans

Glory surveyed her surroundings. Normally, what she was seeing would have given her shivers of delight, but when someone mutilated _her_ minions, it really meant war. They might be ugly, stupid, and next to useless, but they worshipped her, and that gave them one good quality.

She didn't care for them personally, who could when they looked like they were growing mould? And they _never_ bathed. But they were _hers_, and she wasn't going to let some two bit freak vampire make a fool of her. It had to have been him. The Slayer had the power, but Glory doubted she had the stomach for it.

No, it was definitely the vampire.

That damn pathetic lying vampire, the Slayer's bloody lapdog. He'd painted this alley red with the blood of her demons, and taken the witch back. The witch who may or may not be they Key. Her fucking stupid minions had had her, and they'd lost her.

It didn't matter to Glory that they'd lost their lives as well. If she got the Key, they could all die screaming for all she cared.

But she didn't have the Key. That was the critical point. She. Didn't. Have. The. Key. She screamed in frustration and kicked an arm across the alley with such force that it hit the wall opposite her and the bone inside shattered with the impact, sending small particles of green flesh flying.

Somehow, the sight made her feel slightly better.

If the Slayer hadn't come and rescued that irritating vampire, none of this would have happened, and she might have had her Key.

What was with this Slayer? She had friends, family. She even had a damn pet vampire. What sort of Slayer associates with vampires other than to kill them? It was just weird, and it was really getting on her nerves.

She sighed. There was only one way to deal with this, and it all made perfect sense.

Vampire insults her.

Slayer rescues vampire.

Vampire rescues might-be Key.

Glory tortures and kills Slayer and vampire and all their friends, and takes Key.

Perfect.

Glory may have been insane, but her logic system was definitely direct.

-------------

The small bell on the door tingled as Buffy and Spike entered the magic shop. Giles looked up from the book he was reading, and gestured to them to sit down. Without saying anything, he looked back to the book.

Buffy looked at Spike, who shrugged, indicating that he didn't have a clue either. They both walked over and sat across the table from Giles. Buffy tried to get a look at the book he was reading, but it was one that she didn't think she'd seen before.

After a minute or so, Buffy began to get impatient. Waiting had never been her strong suit. "Alright Giles, what's the sitch?" she asked. "Dawn said you'd called the hospital to tell us to come here, so spill. We hardly even had time to see Tara, so there'd better be a good reason. I feel really bad about just leaving her there. Even Xander got the day off work to stay with her and Willow."

Spike smiled slightly. Buffy was babbling, though nowhere near to the extent that Red did it. He could tell that the events of the past few days had affected her, and she was trying to be confrontational to prove to herself that she was still strong enough for anything she had to face.

Giles sighed. He had to tell them sometime, and he was really just putting it off. He'd read the book over and over, and he had no need to be reading it again. He just didn't want to tell Buffy the truth. He slid the book over the table to them, but Buffy just looked at him, and he sighed again. She would never read something if he could just tell her.

Easier for her, harder for him.

"Buffy," he began, strain evident in his voice, "you're not going to like this, but the Watcher's Council has found some new information, which they have just sent to me." He gestured to the book. "It seems that they're keeping their promise to help. When you read that, you're going to wish they hadn't."

Buffy folded her arms and lent back in her chair. "How about you just tell me? You can be specific when you want to be, and I want to know now, not in a week when I finally work out what the book means."

"I don't think you want to know at all," muttered Giles under his breath, but both Buffy and Spike caught it. Louder, he said, "That book contains details on the rituals that can be performed with the Key."

Buffy's expression instantly turned serious. If there was one thing that always held true for her, it was that she would not let anyone hurt Dawn. "What will Glory do to her?"

"Glory ain't touching the lil' bit," growled Spike, and Buffy almost smiled.

"No, she's not. Different question. What does Glory want to do with Dawn?" Buffy's tone told Giles that she wanted a direct answer, and he felt ill with what he had to tell them.

"There are a number of different rituals that can be performed using the power of the Key, and the one Glory needs to use is the most destructive. It will open all the doors between dimensions, and all possible realities will bleed into each other. Every creature on earth and in very other reality will suffer unbearable and eternal torment and death."

"Even demons?" asked Spike.

Giles shook his head. "The line's not that clear. Not all demons are evil, and some are not very powerful. The good and the weak demons will suffer along with humanity."

Buffy interrupted. "Hey, off track much? What will this do to my sister?" Giles fiddled with his glasses, and fear settled in Buffy's stomach. "It'll kill her, won't it?" She felt Spike stiffen beside her, and Giles nodded slowly. "That's not everything, is it?"

Giles shook his head. "I told you that you didn't want to know. The ritual is… it must take place at a certain time and location. Dawn's blood will open the portal, and they will close when the blood flows no more." He paused, "When Dawn is dead."

Buffy shook her head, not understanding, or not wanting to understand. "Why?"

Pain and sympathy were evident on Giles' face. "The Key was living energy. It had to be channelled into a specific place at a specific time. The energy causes the portals to open, unleashing all manner of hell, and Glory uses this time to get back into her own dimension. Now that the Key is human, the energy is in her blood. It had to flow to be channelled like the energy, and the only way to stop it is for Dawn to die."

Buffy didn't know what to say. Hearing that the only way to stop the ritual if it started was to kill her sister… it shocked her to the core. Spike's reaction was much more visible. He stood up abruptly, almost knocking the table over. His posture was straight and erect, anger clear in his stance as he paced the length of the table.

"None of this bloody matters though," he said, keeping his voice tightly under control. "Glory doesn't have the 'bit. We do, and we're not letting that hellbitch lay one soddin' finger on her. Who bloody gives a damn what sort of ritual it is? Nibblet is not getting involved."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, Glory doesn't have Dawn. We have to make sure she never gets her." She looked at Giles. "When can the ritual take place?"

Giles looked at his notes. "Nine-thirty Tuesday night, next week."

Buffy and Spike were both stunned. "Next week?" they chocked out together. It was Friday morning, so that meant there were only five full days before the ritual. Only five more days they had to worry about Glory taking Dawn.

"What happens after?" Buffy managed to say. "If Glory doesn't do the ritual, what happens?"

Giles gave her a small shrug. "I'm not sure. The Knight said that Glory was sharing the body of a human male, so I would assume that with no way to get home she would lose much of her power to break free from him and eventually be completely absorbed."

"So she wouldn't be a problem any more? We wouldn't have to deal with her?"

Giles shrugged again. "I can't say for certain, but I imagine she would no longer be a threat."

"Well that's good then, right?" said Spike. "I mean, if we only have to keep away from her for five days, that's easy. Why don't we just skip town until Wednesday? Think about it Buffy. You, me and the Nibblet. It's the safest thing we can do."

Giles shook his head. "I don't think that's a great idea. Glory is obviously getting worried. Why else would she attack Tara. Either everyone leaves, or nobody does."

Buffy nodded. "I can't leave anyone here with Glory around. But I don't think I can leave. Glory is a danger to everyone, not just our little group. I'm the Slayer. I have to protect people."

"But luv, the safest place for the lil' bit is as far away from Glory as we can get. We need to get her out of town." Spike's tone was worried.

Buffy nodded. "I agree with you. Dawn should leave, but I can't. I have to stay, can't you see that?"

"If you're staying, then so am I," said Spike.

Buffy shook her head. "No. You have to protect her."

Spike's expression was torn. He loved them both, and Dawn couldn't protect herself. But Buffy might be going up against the hellbitch, and he couldn't let her do it alone. He thought for a moment. "I have a plan."

Giles raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Anything was welcome at the moment.

"Right," said Spike. He cleared his throat, a little nervously. "We need to get the Nibblet out of town, right? But if one of us just takes off with her, Glory's going to know something's up. I say we send off everyone but you, me, and only one other. That way, Glory should believe we're pretending to send the Key away to get her off track of the real thing. She'll ignore them, and concentrate on us."

Buffy's expression was thoughtful. "But how do we know she won't figure out what we're doing?" she asked. "If she goes after whoever leaves, we won't be there to protect them."

Spike shrugged. "Glory's a moron."

Giles frowned. "I don't like it. Who's to say she won't go after us anyway? She'd probably kill us just to be certain."

"Red can protect them," said Spike.

"Willow?" said Buffy. "I know she's powerful, but what about Tara? She's going to be in the hospital for at least another couple of days. We can't ask her to leave her there."

"So why not pretend she's the Key. We'll keep her here with us, and protect her."

"Protect her? If Glory walked into that hospital to take her, there's nothing you or I could do, and you know it." Buffy's tone was so defeated, Spike couldn't stand it. "Let's face it Spike. Willow's the only one with the power to even get close to hurting Glory, and even she couldn't stop her. It's too dangerous for anyone to pretend to be the Key."

Spike opened his mouth to respond, but stopped when a strange expression flashed across Buffy's face. "Luv? What is it?"

"She's me," Buffy whispered. "She's me."

Spike was confused. "Who is?"

Buffy looked up at him. "Dawn. She's me. The monks made her out of me. My blood. If her blood can open the portal, and her blood is my blood…"

Giles shook his head, forestalling the rest of her sentence. "Your blood won't open the portal, Buffy. The energy for that is in Dawn's blood."

"I know that," said Buffy, waving a hand dismissively. "That's not what I meant. I meant that if Dawn's blood is my blood, then maybe Glory won't be able to tell. Maybe there's enough of what makes up Dawn left in me to confuse her."

It was Spike's turn to feel fear. "You're not pretending to be the Key. She'll kill you."

Buffy shook her head. "No she won't, don't you see? She can't kill the Key, because she needs it for the ritual. That's why those Knights who kidnapped Xander want to kill her. If she dies, the ritual can't happen. Glory won't kill me if she thinks I'm the Key, and by the time she works it out, it'll be too late."

"She won't believe it," said Giles. "She won't believe you."

"She will if she doesn't know that we know," said Buffy. Then her eyebrows creased for a second. "Did that make sense?"

Spike nodded, getting excited. "Sort of. I get it though. We find some of Glory's minions, and stage a conversation where we reveal you're the Key and the rest of us work for the monks or something."

Buffy gave him a grateful smile. "Something like that." She looked over at Giles. "Your thoughts?"

He just shrugged. "It's plausible, and from what we know of Glory, she'll probably believe it. But I don't want to put you in danger."

Buffy laughed. "Danger? Look at who you're talking to Giles. You've done nothing _but_ put me in danger for five years. It comes with the job, remember?" When she saw Giles' expression she realised how harsh that had sounded. "It's not your fault Giles, and I don't blame you. Okay, I did for about a year, but I got over it."

Giles managed a weak smile. "It's your decision Buffy. I'll help in any way I can."

Buffy nodded. "Right, here's what we do…"

-------------

Buffy and Spike were patrolling in one of the various cemeteries in Sunnydale. They'd spent the day in the hospital with Willow and Tara, but now they'd just spotted one of Glory's ass-kissing hobbits and were carefully making sure they were being followed.

They were walking slowly past some fresh graves when Buffy's Slayer instincts kicked in. She nudged Spike and pointed to a grave on her left. Spike nodded. "You're the Slayer," he said loudly. "You should be doing it."

Buffy sighed. Spike's acting ability sucked. "I'm not really the Slayer Spike. We both know that. The real Slayer's in jail in LA or somewhere, and I'm just made up. I'm surprised Glory hasn't figured it out yet. I mean, two Slayers? How stupid is she?"

"She's a moron luv, we figured that out a long time ago. But she's powerful, and we can't let her get her hands on you. Why do you think the monks made you a Slayer? You need to be able to protect yourself, and the rest of us are all here to help you."

Buffy smiled. Spike had actually managed to put feeling into that speech. "I know, I know. but it's so hard, don't you see that? I'm not even real, and I have to protect the world. How stupid is that?"

Spike didn't get a chance to answer right away. The grave to Buffy's left heaved as a newly risen vampire tried to find his feet. Buffy staked him as soon as he straightened up, and watched in satisfaction as he turned to dust. She turned to Spike, trying to appear curious. "That's something I've never worked out, you know. You're a vampire. Why aren't I supposed to kill you?"

Spike laughed. "Cause I work for the monks. It's my job to protect you. It's kind of a curse."

"That's all I am to you? A curse?" Buffy's tone was clearly indignant.

"Of course not," said Spike. "All of us, the whole group, we're all here because of you. We don't mind, but it's our job to make sure Glory doesn't get you."

Buffy started to get angry. "What does it matter? I'm not even real. Let her have me!"

Spike slapped her, and then cried out in fake pain, clutching his head. "She takes you and the world ends. We're not going to let that happen." Buffy just folded her arms and glared at him. "Okay pet. I think it's time we went home. You're obviously not feeling up to this tonight. I'm not meant to let you get killed either."

Buffy sighed and said loudly, "Right, wouldn't want to kill the Key."

They'd decided it was better to be on the safe side. Despite all their posturing, their stalker might have been thick enough to miss the message entirely. Subtlety really wasn't a strong point with most demons, and they wanted Glory to get the point.

-----------

A slow smile stretch across Glory's face when she got the news. The Slayer was the Key? That explained so much, and she laughed with joy. There was no need to hurry now. She'd snatch the Slayer only a few hours before the ritual, and this time, she would not let her resist.

Glory was stronger, and she knew it. There was no way her plans could fail now.

A fake Slayer is no match for a god.

------------

When Buffy and Spike got back to the house, they almost fell over each other laughing. After they'd headed for home, they'd turned back and followed their stalker for a few blocks. It was so obvious that it had totally bought it.

Buffy hadn't laughed so much in a long time.

Spike watched her as she supported herself against the wall, finally calming down then bursting out into a fit of giggles again. She made a face at him which Spike found hilarious for some reason, and he collapsed on the floor, shaking with laughter.

The sight of Spike on the floor set Buffy off again, and she slid down the wall to join him. Spike wouldn't stop laughing, and Buffy looked around for something to throw at him. Her eyes fell on a handy pair of shoes, and she tossed one at him, hitting him lightly in the head. He looked up to see her expression, which only serve to make him laugh harder. Buffy couldn't help it as she started smiling again.

Dawn stood at the top of the stairs, and watched as her sister and Spike fell around laughing. She hadn't been filled in on the plan yet, so she had no idea what it was that they found so funny. She walked down the stairs and sat at the bottom, simply watching them. They hadn't noticed her yet, and she decided to speak up.

"So are you both completely slaughtered, or have you been hitting the laughing gas?" she asked lightly.

Buffy and Spike both looked up at her, identical expressions on their faces. Then they looked at each other, and dissolved into laughter again.

Dawn shook her head in disgust, but she couldn't help smiling. "Yep. You're slaughtered."

****

End Chapter 13


	14. Waiting

---------------- __

Sorry this took so long to come out. And that it's shorter than usual. But my brother stole my monitor cable and I couldn't get access to my computer. Well, that and a major case of 'I have no idea what I'm doing'. This is really just a filler chapter, but the next part should be up in a day or so.

****

Chapter 14: Waiting

The entire weekend had passed with nothing going amiss. Tara was released from the hospital on Sunday night, and Willow had taken her home. Spike had continued to stay at the Summers' house, but he had not spent much time in the room Buffy had given to him - Joyce's old room. Dawn hadn't said anything, but with the way she would smirk at Buffy and Spike, they suspected that she knew what was going on between them.

It's not like they'd really tried to hide it from her.

Neither Xander nor Giles had come around to kill Spike yet, so they also assumed Dawn hadn't said anything. As far as the group knew, Spike was staying with them because of his injuries and the Glory situation. Not that his wounds weren't all but healed, but he needed to be there when Glory showed up to take Buffy.

Well, to try and take Buffy.

No way was she going to actually _take_ her. But they had to keep up the charade for as long as possible. The minute Glory worked out that Buffy wasn't the Key, all hell was going to break loose.

In this town, that usually meant literally.

They'd arranged for Dawn to be at Willow and Tara's from early tomorrow afternoon. She needed to be away from Buffy, but she also needed to be protected, and the Wiccas we the best people for the job. It also wouldn't appear suspicious.

They suspected that they were overdoing it a little with the whole cover thing, since Glory was, in Spike's words, a 'stupid bint', but they wanted to be sure. There was no way they could risk Glory discovering Dawn. Especially since there was one danger in their plan that they hadn't thought of beforehand.

If Buffy's blood was enough to fool Glory, then as soon as their deception was revealed she would know exactly who the Key really was. The plan was that Spike would call Willow as soon as Glory showed up, and then they'd move Dawn somewhere while Glory's attention was otherwise occupied. Meanwhile, Xander, Anya and Giles would also try and hide, but doing their best to be seen. They needed to create as much confusion as possible.

Not a great plan, but it was all they had. There was going to be a few hours when it was touch and go. It all depended on how early Glory came to try and take Buffy, and how long it took her to work things out. They hoped she would leave it as late as possible, but Glory was ever the unpredictable one.

Buffy had thought about calling Angel for the extra backup, but had dismissed the thought just as quickly. Calling in the troops would definitely alert Glory to the fact that they knew the time was getting close. Plus Angel and Spike in a room together usually didn't end well, and it would probably be even worse now what with her new, ah… relationship with Spike.

Yeah, that would be a real fun situation.

Spike had reported that the demon surveillance on the house had increased. She worried a bit about Dawn, but a little experiment had proved that Buffy was always the one who was followed.

Spike could really be stealth guy when he wanted to be.

Occasionally he would hurt one of them, just to show that he was protecting Buffy. Glory probably knew how brain dead her followers were, and that they couldn't make up the intelligence of a lamp post. She'd get suspicious if they didn't maim one or two of them.

Spike was enjoying this way too much.

Buffy had woken up this morning unable to find him anywhere in the house, and had been worried about him until he showed up about an hour after Dawn had left for school. When she had grilled him about where he'd been, he just shrugged and gave her this mysterious smile that she had interpreted as 'Sorry luv, just went out to kill things'.

Playing the Key was so frustrating. He got to have all the fun, while she was stuck inside being protected while still trying be the Slayer and pretend to be the Slayer at the same time. She hadn't been able to get some serious action since they'd some up with this stupid idea.

When she'd started ranting at Spike, he'd just smiled at her again and said something that just made her more frustrated and pissed off.

"Depends on the kind of action, luv."

She'd thrown a knife at him. Immature, but he deserved it. And it's not like it was a big knife. Just the one she'd been using to butter her toast. She hadn't even thrown it _hard_. He really shouldn't have gotten that mad.

Was it her fault he was too busy laughing at her to pay attention?

---------------

"Spike?"

"Sod off."

"Come on Spike. Let me in."

"No."

"It's my house."

"Bugger off."

Buffy sighed. This was getting nowhere. Spike had shut himself up in his new room, and was refusing to come out and talk to her.

"Spike, I'm sorry." It really wasn't her fault. Okay, mostly… but not completely. "Spike, I really am. I thought you'd catch it."

There was no answer from behind the door. Spike had obviously learned how to mope from Dawn. One word answers, silent treatment… Buffy couldn't help but imagine Spike curled up on the bed, his knees to his chest, stubborn expression on his face that said he wasn't ever coming out. She'd seen it on Dawn enough to recognise it. But somehow, swapping Dawn for a Spike image…

She couldn't help it. She started to laugh. When she was still going after about a minute, Spike's indignant voice came through the door.

"It's not bloody funny Slayer."

He broke way sooner than Dawn would have. Buffy chalked it up to more practice. Spike would improve over time. For some reason the thought set her off again, and Spike finally opened the door to find Buffy leaning against the wall, gasping for breath.

Buffy looked up when the door opened and was surprised to see he still had his shirt off. She suddenly felt guilty when she examined his chest and saw the knife wound. Her laugher died immediately, and Spike couldn't help but feel somewhat satisfied that she felt a bit guilty. He'd taken worse from Dru all the time, but the fact that Buffy did care when he got hurt made him feel sort of special. He'd already forgiven her, but he wanted her to at least feel bad for a bit.

"Do you want me to bandage that or something?" asked Buffy, wanting to do something to make her feel less guilty.

Spike shook his head. "Don't worry about it luv. It's not bleeding, and I don't get infections. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Next time give me a bit of warning though? Throwing knives at me and staking me are only separated by a very thin line." He smiled to take any sting out of his words.

Reaching out, he snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. She leant against him, and Spike couldn't help but marvel that this amazing woman would let him touch her. He could hear her heartbeat speed up and feel her breathing quicken at his touch. He still found it hard to believe that he could affect her this easily.

Buffy relaxed into his arms, feeling comforted and safe, feelings she'd only recently rediscovered. There was something so calming about his presence when he held her like this. Somehow, all her stress and worry would just leave her, and there was no need for words, or fear, or anger.

Of course, as soon as he opened his mouth it was always an entirely different story.

But Spike knew enough not to say anything. Until tomorrow was over there was going to be a lot of strain on both of them, and words were not needed right now. He could tell that Buffy just wanted to forget about tomorrow, forget about the rest of the world.

Block everything out. Ignore it and it'll go away.

Unfortunately, they both knew the world doesn't work like that. You could shut it out for a while, but reality would slowly come creeping back in. Spike ran his hands up Buffy's back, and prayed to himself that this really was reality. That the last few days had been reality and would last forever.

He knew they wouldn't.

It mattered, but not right now. Right now the only thing that mattered was the woman in his arms, someone he loved more than his own existence. He realised that standing in the hallway like they were they probably looked like idiots, but he didn't care. Nobody could see them, and it wouldn't matter to him if they could.

There are some moments that you wish could be frozen in time forever. There are others you wish you'd never experienced, and some you know you needed but wished you didn't. Sometimes, they all intertwined. Often, it was the bad moments that led to the good ones, and the good to the bad. Most of the time, you could never see it until it was over, and by then it was too late.

Spike had lived too long and lost too much not to treasure every moment.

--------------

Dawn struggled to concentrate. With so many things going on in her life right now, school was so far down her list of things to worry about that she almost couldn't be bothered going at all. But she had to, or she could be taken away. She didn't want to lose her friends, or her family.

Sunnydale might be Hell, but it was home.

Which is why she had to pay attention. Or at least pretend to. But it was just so hard when the only thing she had room for in her mind was surviving the next day. After tomorrow, it would all be over. Either Glory would be gone, or she would be dead and the world destroyed.

It really went without saying that she preferred the first option.

So far, Buffy's plan seemed to be working. None of the group had been attacked since Tara, and whenever she went out, Buffy was always followed. They'd also done their best to make sure Dawn was seen alone a few times, and Buffy was never without someone close by.

Usually Spike.

The thought made Dawn smile slightly. Those two were so cute together. Spike was totally smitten, and had been for ages, but seeing the same thing in her sister was something new. Even if Dawn had been able to see it, Buffy had tried to hide how much she really dug Spike until recently. Now, she only hid it when Giles or Xander were around. Sure, they weren't all over each other normally or anything, but they were clearly closer. Watching television, Buffy would cuddle up to Spike, and he'd simply hold her. She could see how tense they were, and the contact was obviously comfort for them both.

What made it really obvious though, was the fact that she'd never actually seen Spike spend the night in his own room since Tara was attacked. Really, anyone ever heard of subtlety? She didn't know if they were actually doing anything, but as long as she couldn't hear it, she didn't have to think about it.

It actually felt kind of good that they weren't trying to hide from her. It meant that Buffy trusted her, and was comfortable enough with Spike to tell someone close to her. Well, not _tell_ so much as just not hide. Buffy knew that Dawn thought Spike was cool, and that she really wanted them to get together.

As far as she knew, Buffy hadn't actually _said_ that she loved Spike, but Dawn could see it. She knew she did. But she also knew she was afraid. She had every right to be, really, what with Angel and Riley and everything else in her life. Dawn hoped Spike might be able to make her lose that fear. It worried Dawn when Buffy was afraid.

But now, both Buffy and Spike were worried and scared, and Dawn was terrified.

One way or another, it would be over soon. But there was a question sitting at the forefront of her mind, and it just wouldn't go away.

Would they all survive tomorrow?

****

End Chapter 14


	15. Playing the Parts

Chapter 15: Playing the Parts __

Sorry this is out later than I said, but it's longer than usual, so maybe that negates it or something. This chapter is either confusing, or you've already predicted the end. Take your pick, really.

****

Chapter 15: Playing the Parts

Buffy and Spike watched from the window as Willow walked off with Dawn. Buffy had refused to let Dawn walk over by herself, but neither she or Spike could risk accompanying her. They'd staged a short conversation on the porch which had informed their watchers that Willow was taking Dawn shopping. Buffy and Spike had then gone back inside, and were now sitting in the living room at a loss for anything to do.

They had a few hours before they expected Glory. They weren't sure exactly when she would show up, but they had guess sometimes around sunset or maybe just after. It was just mid-afternoon now, they'd wanted to leave a wide window to get Dawn away, but now she wasn't around to make jokes and relieve some of the tension.

Buffy didn't understand how Dawn could joke at a time like this. She knew that she understood the seriousness of the situation. It was her own life at stake after all, but Buffy just supposed that her sister had been taking lessons from Xander.

The world's going to end? Hey, that's funny.

Buffy and Spike weren't used to dealing with their stress that way. Normally, they would fight, or train, or something, but right now they just couldn't bring themselves up to it. They wouldn't exactly get tired, but they didn't want to be caught unaware.

Buffy settled herself against Spike on the couch, and tried to relax. He put his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, letting her smell assault his senses. They'd done so much of this in the past few days, just holding each other, offering comfort. It wasn't something normal for them, but at the moment they needed each other's strength.

It was the first time Buffy had ever allowed herself to take strength from someone.

She'd taken heart, but not strength. She'd never needed to before. Her friends gave her desire, and will, but all of her strength had come from within her. She'd taken physical help before, they'd all merged themselves to defeat Adam, but she'd never taken the mental and emotional help. The hardest things she'd ever had to do, she'd done alone.

Sent Angel to Hell to save the world, left her friends for their own protection, stabbed Faith to save Angel. When it came right down to it, she had always been alone.

Her friends, her family, they gave her love, and Spike gave her fire. They all gave her what she needed to stay alive and not give up like so many Slayers in the past. But she'd never done this.

She and Spike were feeding off each other. Not literally, in a vampire/demon/hellmouth sense, but every little bit of strength and calm they each could muster was shared with the other. And as they shared it, they could build on it. She'd never felt this with anyone, and the fear that was building inside her with the passing hours was being kept under control.

She wondered if they ever discussed this is psych 101.

If they did, she wasn't awake at the time.

Maybe this wasn't a purely psychological thing. Maybe it was a Slayer related thing, or something to so with Spike's new non dusty vampire breed. She couldn't believe something that was only in her mind could make her feel this _thing_.

She didn't know what to call it. She wasn't calm, far from it, and she was still scared, but somehow all that didn't seem to matter. All that mattered was that right now, she knew everyone was still safe and alive. She could _feel_ it.

She'd always felt that relying on her friends and family somehow made her weaker. What did it say about her that she couldn't do her job without them? She had accepted their help, but inside her she had always felt somewhat inadequate. She completely managed to gloss over the fact that she had become one of the most successful Slayers in history.

The good things tend to get left out during self-recrimination.

But this thing she was feeling now, it was giving her an entirely new perspective. She wasn't weaker for relying on her friends, no matter what the Council said. Giles had tried to tell her so many times. They were her link to the world, something to keep her anchored and stable. And Spike…

Spike gave her normal.

Which was odd, considering he was a vampire. But that was really the point. Everyone else she worried about, making her constantly focused on the world that would hurt them should it ever get the chance. Spike was from that world, he knew its tricks, all its dark secrets. She didn't have to constantly worry about him. He could protect himself, and her friends. He was from both worlds, and he was exactly what she needed.

They would fight with words, and with fists. Spike had been right when he told her about herself. They were always dancing, and it made her forget all the problems she had with reality. Talking with him, she forgot they weren't just two normal people who liked each other so much they weren't afraid to piss each other off with their opinions and actions.

Spike had the guts to stand up to her, and never be apologetic about it. He constantly surprised her, and since she started seeing him for what he really was, he had never let her down.

She'd pushed him away more times than she could count, and still he'd never left her. He'd always been there, even if she hadn't acknowledged him.

She was amazed that this man could still love her after everything she'd said to him. If she had been in his position she had no doubt she wouldn't have been nearly so forgiving. There was just something so different about Spike.

He couldn't be categorised. There probably wasn't another being like him on the planet. He was totally individual, and completely unique.

Unpredictable.

Anything's a weapon when you use it right.

---------------

Glory waited with impatience for the sun to set. She would take the Key an hour after dark, and anyone with her would meet a fate that was long overdue.

Especially that vampire.

He would pay. His death would be the most painful, even if it did have to be quick. She couldn't waste the time to torture him again, though it was a great pity. She had a few new ideas she would have liked to try.

Still, no matter. Dead was dead, even if you could argue that that was debatable what with the number of vampires in this town. It was kind of funny that nobody had noticed all the people who died of blood loss each week, or hadn't commented on all the people she brainsucked. Ben had told the morons that she'd filled the mental ward in the hospital, and still it wasn't really out of the ordinary.

From a purely demonic/evil hellgod point of view, this town was perfect.

It didn't even have a real Slayer.

Since she'd heard that the Slayer was the Key, she had done some research and found out that the real Slayer really was in jail somewhere. The Slayer the Key was pretending to be had apparently died a few years ago, and the monks had altered a few memories to make her unremarkable. It had confirmed everything they'd said, and made her job so much easier and suddenly a lot less frustrating.

And a lot more fun.

Without the pressure of finding the Key, Glory had had much more time to relax and plan for what she would do to the Slayer when she took her. She needed to be alive for the ritual, but it didn't say anywhere that she had to be in good condition.

She didn't have to be sane, either.

Glory might not be able to brainsuck her, but she could torture her by making her watch while she killed all her protectors. The Key would be a gibbering wreak of fear once she was through.

It wasn't nearly enough, but it would have to do.

----------------

Buffy shuddered as a chill raced through her. She started suddenly as she realised that she and Spike had both fallen asleep again. Sure, it was relaxing, but it didn't really help their situation any. She gave Spike a light punch in the ribs to wake him up.

Spike grunted and came instantly awake as awareness rushed in. He looked around quickly, slightly wild-eyed, until he realised that they were still alone. He was still so on edge, and while he was dreading the confrontation, he couldn't wait for the night to be over.

He looked outside to see night had fallen. Buffy was pacing already, and Spike got off the couch and stretched. Buffy glared at him, but he just shrugged.

"Wasn't my fault," he muttered.

"Spike, we have to get ready. She could be here any time now." Buffy couldn't keep the slight tremble out of her voice.

Spike nodded. "All right luv. Red set everything up?"

"You know she did."

"Yeah, right, okay. Good. Let's do this then."

Buffy nodded, and walked out of the room. Spike stood there, not really having anything to do but wait. He hated waiting, it was the worst part.

Suddenly the entire front wall of the lounge room collapsed. Spike instinctively dropped to the floor and as he sheltered himself from falling masonry, he was forced to revise his opinion about waiting.

Whatever was coming next was _so_ much worse.

Buffy raced back into the room at the sound of her house being torn apart. She quickly took in Spike lying on the floor, but her attention was then captured by Glory, who was stepping over the ruins of the wall.

"Hello Sweetcheeks." Glory's smile stretched from ear to ear.

"Glory." Buffy's voice didn't betray any fear.

"That's right hon. And guess what? I'm here for my Key."

"You ruined my house."

Glory was surprised at the Slayer's lack of fear. She had expected her to try and run, or fight, or something. Not comment on property damage.

"I know who the Key is."

Buffy didn't react. "Do you?"

Buffy's lack of reaction threw Glory. This wasn't going how she had expected it to. Why wasn't the Slayer scared? And where was that damn vampire?

---------

Spike had used Buffy's distraction of Glory to sneak out of the room. He quickly made a phone call to Giles, who would work out everything on the other end. Everyone else would be fine, but Spike and Buffy were now on their own.

They had to hold off a God for 3 hours.

Sure, no problem.

Yeah, right.

From his position in the hall, he heard Buffy bolt out of the house. Glory screamed in frustration, and instantly followed. Spike and Buffy both knew that Glory was faster than them, but hopefully, it wouldn't make much of a difference.

The whelp's girlfriend had had some surprisingly good suggestions on how to fight Glory.

Spike smiled slightly. The real fight would come a bit later, but now, he got to have some fun.

He ran upstairs and climbed quietly onto the roof. His senses told him there were five demons in the area and one of them was just below him. He crept to the edge of the roof and looked down, and saw one of the hellbitch's diseased moron followers.

He jumped down behind it had twisted its head before it had realised he was there. Spike looked around, but apparently none of the other demons had been close enough to hear the faint snap as Spike had broken the thing's neck. He let it crumple to the ground, and crept off to deal with the others.

-----------

Giles hung up the phone and turned to Xander and Anya.

"Grab your weapons. We move now."

They both nodded. Anya picked up a baseball bat, but Xander had a bit more experience with weapons than his girlfriend and grabbed a broadsword. Giles picked up an axe. They all headed out the door.

"Someone should pay us for this," Anya muttered.

Xander nodded. "With you completely on that one, Ahn. But the Council has never been known for it's generosity."

"It shouldn't be generosity. We're saving their lives. It's a full time, high risk job. The government should pay us or something. We should complain."

Xander chuckled. "Everybody already does. Not about us, obviously, but nobody thinks they get paid enough."

"We don't get paid at all. It's discrimination. Just because saving the world isn't a registered job description, I'd like to see how long they'd last without us around doing what we're doing."

Xander sighed. He wasn't sure that even with that they were doing they were going to make it through this one. He wasn't worried about their little group, since they weren't really in the action, but he worried about Buffy.

Spike too, when it came right down to it.

They were in the greatest danger. As long as Glory didn't find Dawn, the world would survive, but he wasn't sure about Buffy and Spike. Glory was a God, and she was insane.

Powerful and crazy are two things that should not go together.

They walked out into the street, and headed for the car. There was no sign of surveillance, and Xander let out a sigh of relief. They weren't out of it yet, but his hopes for everyone getting out of this alive couldn't help but going up a little. If Glory hadn't bothered about them, then hopefully she hadn't bothered about Will, Tara and Dawn either. Maybe Glory actually believed they weren't really involved in this.

Someone coughed slightly behind him, and his hopes suddenly plummeted.

They hadn't counted on this.

----------

Willow put the phone down and turned to Tara and Dawn.

"That was Giles. Glory's made her appearance."

"So we go?" asked Dawn.

Willow nodded. "We have to get out of here, and we can't be seen going. Now is the best time, while Glory's occupied and the others are doing the decoy thing."

Tara picked up the bag of magic supplies they were taking, just in case. As Willow locked the door to their dorm room, something occurred to Dawn.

"Why don't we just go into another room? We don't know for sure that Glory knows you live here, but if she does, she'd know the room as well. Wouldn't the safest thing to do be just go into another room? I mean, she's probably not smart enough to think of searching the rest of the building."

Tara thought a moment, then turned to Willow. "She's right, you know. If Glory really does have people watching the building, if we go outside we're likely to get caught. But if we move into another room, they'll probably never find us. It's a big building."

Willow resisted. "But we have to get Dawnie away. We can't keep her here."

"Sweetie, it's the safest place," said Tara. "And it's only for a few hours. After nine-thirty, we're safe, and everything's finished."

Dawn nodded, vigorously agreeing with Tara. She really didn't want to leave Buffy and Spike. If Glory killed Buffy and came for her, she didn't care if the world ended.

Willow sighed. "Fine, I guess you're right. I don't like it, but if you both think it's best…" she paused, thinking. "Chrisie's room is on the nest floor up. She's out of town until next week, so we could use her room, I guess."

Dawn and Tara nodded their agreement, and they all headed for the stairwell.

----------

Outside, shadowy figures prowled the college, looking for two witches and a teenage girl. Every entrance of the dorm buildings were watched, and no one got away unscrutinised.

Soon, a new arrival appeared, and after a quiet conference with one of the figures watching the doors, it stalked off, the figure behind it now crumpled on the ground.

----------

Buffy hid among the branches of a tree, watching as Glory stalked among the headstones. She had fled to the graveyard, Glory hot on her heals, and had managed to get out of sight long enough to climb a tree.

She caught a glimpse of Spike's white hair as he skirted the graveyard. She had to fight down the impulse to go and join him. That wasn't what she was meant to do. She had to wait here, in this tree, until Glory either found her or decided she wasn't here any more. Either way, when that happened, she had to run again. Glory's attention had to remain focused on _her_.

Glory kicked a headstone as she passed, and it shattered. She growled in frustration and turned towards the gates of the cemetery. Buffy took this as her queue. She dropped out of the tree, and sprinted toward the other end of the graveyard, away from Glory.

Glory heard the noise and spun around. Seeing the flash of blond hair she smiled, and decided it was time to stop with the games. Her image blurred, and in an instant she was standing in front of Buffy.

"Fun's over."

Buffy just stood there for a moment, and Glory smiled when she realised that the Slayer was probably frozen with fear.

Her smile slipped a little when Buffy punched her.

Stepping back, Glory shook her head a little. Those damn monks must have done something when they hid the Key in the form of the Slayer. Glory hadn't been able to sense her all night, and it was throwing her off. The was also something digging at her mind, an itch, that refused to go away. It was strong right now, and it was _very_ annoying.

It was distracting her, an incessant little thing digging at her mind. Unconsciously she put a hand to her head, digging her fingers slightly into her skull. Buffy smiled, and when Glory noticed, she dropped her hand.

"Bitch. What have you done to me?"

Buffy shrugged. "Not much. Getting to you, is it?"

"It's just a little…" she paused, and shook her head. "It's nothing I can't handle."

"I bet it isn't. But haven't you noticed it only happens when you're near me? Why don't you do yourself a favour and go away?"

Glory gave herself another shake. "Nice try sweetie, but no dice. I want you, and I'll get you. You're my Key, Slayer. You're mine." Her voice was practically a growl.

Buffy backed up and dropped into a fighting stance. "I'm not going without a fight, hellbitch. You can't take me."

Glory smiled. "Honey, you're so unbelievably naive it's not funny. What I want, I get."

Her form blurred again, and suddenly Buffy was flying backwards. Landing on the ground she rolled, coming up on her feet just as Glory reached her and hit her again, this time sending her straight to the ground. Glory nudged her with her foot, but Buffy didn't move.

Two of her minions appeared out of the shadows, and she waved them forward to pick up the Slayer. With a self satisfied smile, Glory and her followers walked out of the graveyard.

----------

Spike watched from behind the wall of the cemetery. He fingered the Dhagon Sphere in his coat pocket. From what he'd heard, it apparently had had some affect on Glory. Not much, but anything that even distracted her a little was something they needed. They were going to need everything they could get to keep Glory occupied.

He looked at the watch Buffy had made him wear. He almost cursed when he saw it was only just seven. They still had to hold out for two and a half hours.

Scanning the graveyard one last time, Spike left to follow Glory.

------------

Xander groaned softly as he came to. His head hurt like hell, and the rest of his body wasn't feeling that good either. He was lying on the ground, and when he opened his eyes he saw Anya and Giles lying nearby as well, apparently still completely out of it.

He struggled to sit up, and leant back against a wall. Looking around, he saw they were in a small room with no windows and a rather solid looking door.

After a minute of trying to work some of the aches out of his body he crawled over to his girlfriend, hoping she was alright. From the way he was feeling, it was obvious that their captors had not been gentle with them.

He gave her a small shake, and she came awake slowly. Blinking her eyes open she looked up at him, and then hugged him for all she was worth. Xander groaned a little with pain, and Anya let him go immediately.

"Xander, are you all right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I think I just got roughed up a bit when I was unconscious. What about you?"

Anya stood up and inspected herself. "I think I'm fine. I don't think they hurt me."

"Can you check on Giles?" asked Xander from where he'd settled himself against the wall again.

Anya nodded, and bent down over the Watcher. She gave him a bit of a shake, and when he didn't respond she slapped him a few times.

"Anya!" Xander's voice was clearly a reprimand.

"What?" she asked innocently. "On TV they slap them to wake them up."

Xander shook his head. "No they don't. They throw water on them to wake them, they slap them to stop them acting crazy."

"Oh."

"Doesn't matter," said Xander. "I think he's coming round."

Giles had groaned as was rubbing his head. He sat up slowly, wincing with the movement. "Why do I feel like I've been hit by a truck?" he asked of nobody in particular.

Xander chuckled. "I sympathise G-man. I think they played kick the unconscious scoobies."

Giles grimaced. "It wouldn't surprise me. What happened anyway?"

"That's the tricky bit," said Xander. "I really have no idea. All I know is that some weirdo demon with black eyes was behind us as we tried to get to the car. I was looking right at him, and he smiled at me, and then something big, heavy and scaly hit me over the head. Then when I wake up, I'm in this room feeling like somebody used me for boxing practice."

Giles nodded. "I feel much the same way. I don't know where we are, but I think we can assume that we are being held by Glory."

"But why us?" asked Anya. "I mean, none of us are the Key. We're just like the support crew or something."

Xander shrugged. "As long as we're the only ones Glory's taken, it doesn't really matter what for. I just hope the others are okay."

"I agree," said Giles. "But I can't help but wonder why Glory would bother with us."

Xander sighed. "I don't know, but I guess we'll find out.

----------------

Spike was making his way back to the Summers' house when something caught his eye. He stopped and looked around, hoping to catch another glimpse of what had distracted him. His eyes scanned the street, but he could see nothing unusual. Normally, he would have shrugged it off and forgotten about it, but all his other senses were going off the meter.

Something nearby was giving off a seriously dangerous evil guy vibe.

And it was watching him.

If something was trailing him at the moment, it was almost a certainty that they worked for Glory. And Glory couldn't find out their plans. Spike made a decision, and changed his direction.

----------------

Buffy was doing her best to avoid looking at the front wall of her house. Why was it that there couldn't be a week when someone didn't break some part of her house? Normally it was only windows, but Glory always had to be bigger and better.

Just a window? No way. Breaking walls makes a _statement_.

Buffy was pissed. Nobody tears down the front of her house and gets away with it. She was going to bitch-slap Glory so hard she'd end up back in her own dimension without the power of the Key. It was a somewhat comforting thought when she was getting more nervous every minute Spike failed to show.

Buffy wished she could contact Willow somehow, just to check on Dawn. The entire plan was useless if Dawn was taken, 'cause that's the end of the world.

Literally.

Yeah, bye.

Buffy was getting worried. Things weren't going how they'd planned. The first part had worked. Glory had chased after Buffy and Spike had killed the demons watching the house. After that, things weren't so good.

Buffy had gone to Xander's apartment to check that their group had gone, but Giles' car was still parked outside, and there were traces of blood on the pavement. Never a good sign. She'd looked around but found nothing. So she'd headed over to the college, to make sure Will and Tara had gotten Dawn away safely, but she couldn't even get near the building. The entire campus was crawling with different types of demons, and Buffy hoped that their continued presence there meant that they had not been able to find Dawn.

She couldn't afford to dwell on the issue right now. There was something going on, and it was something they hadn't expected. Why would Glory send so many demons to capture the guys? It didn't make sense, especially since she had apparently bought the whole 'Buffy is the Key' story. Why bother with everyone else?

It wasn't Glory's style. There was something seriously off here, and it was sending Buffy spider-sense haywire. There was only one thing she could be sure of at the moment.

Another player had entered the game.

****

End Chapter 15


	16. Watching

Chapter 16: Watching ****

Chapter 16: Watching

Buffy was tired of waiting. If Spike had been able to show, he would have done so by now. It was time to alter the plans a bit. If Spike was still okay, he'd be doing something to help, so for the time being it was best to forget about him. He'd show up when she really needed him.

For now, she had to track Glory. She was the bait and the distraction all in one, and hiding wasn't going to be helping their cause. They had one and a half hours before the ritual, but Buffy couldn't risk Glory hurting her friends.

And she wasn't sure if she had Dawn or not. She was fairly certain that Giles, Xander, and Anya had been taken, but the others were a question mark. Theoretically, the best thing to do would be to hide, since Glory thought she was the Key, but there were factors at play that she didn't understand.

She _hated_ that.

She jogged out of the house and toward the cemetery, keeping all her senses on the alert. She didn't want to be seen by anyone, demon or human. Considering the arsenal of weaponry she was packing, she was bound to cause comment.

She reached the gates of the cemetery without incident, and easily found the tracks of two of Glory's minions, and set about following them. They took her in a direct line away from the centre of town, and there had obviously been no attempt to cover their tracks. Someone else had been this way as well, but they had been much more careful. Buffy only caught signs of their passage once or twice, but it was enough to recognise.

Spike had been this way.

So at least that part of the plan had worked. Spike knew where Glory was, and he'd show up when he was able to. He wasn't the one she had to worry about at the moment. He could handle himself.

She slowed her pace when she heard noise ahead. Coming around a corner she stopped dead in her tracks, hardly believing her eyes. A tower of metal and scaffolding rose high above her, with a platform at the very top. People milled about, some apparently with purpose, others without. Buffy swallowed her rage when she realised all these people had been… what was it Spike had said? Brainsucked.

Glory had made all these people insane.

There were so many. Buffy hadn't realised just how many people Glory had used to preserve her own sanity. So many people she hadn't been able to protect.

Glory was _so_ going to pay for this.

Buffy hated it when she failed people. And in her mind, she'd failed everyone there. So many lives destroyed because Glory wanted her sister. They weren't dead, but there are some things that are worse. Buffy had no doubt that what Glory left behind wasn't a whole lot of fun.

Glory was going to experience some major pain for this.

Shaking herself out of her daze, Buffy moved around the construction site, looking for a good place to enter unobserved. She hadn't seen Glory yet, but there were enough of her demons around the place that she didn't want to risk being discovered.

Finding a likely point she climbed through a small window and found herself in a corridor of sorts. One wall was solid, but the other had panels missing all over the place. The hall itself was deserted, but she could see movement on the other side of the wall. She crept along the wall until she reached the first empty panel at ground level, and then positioned herself so she could see into the room and along the corridor. She hid herself between two large crates, hoping that they were enough to hide her from casual glances along the corridor.

Fixing her attention on the room on the other side of the wall, Buffy tried to identify voices. There was a male voice she didn't recognise, but then Glory's piercing tones cut over him, and Buffy instinctively shrunk back a little, trying to make her presence small and unnoticeable. It sounded like there was an argument going on on the other side of the wall, but she couldn't hear anything clearly enough to make out the words. She concentrated, filtering all the other noise out of her consciousness, and slowly the words began to make sense.

"Get out of my body," the male voice, distorted with strain.

"You don't need it. Give me tonight, I'll make you immortal…" Glory.

"You can't… I won't let you… she's innocent," something about the voice tickled something in Buffy's mind.

"She's not even real. And if you don't help me, you'll die."

"I don't care… you can't…"

The wall in front of Buffy suddenly shook, as if someone had slammed into it. Looking through the gap in front of her, she could see someone's legs, but there was something weird about them. One second they were male, and the next, they looked female. Buffy recalled what the Lancelot-wannabe had told her about Glory, and everything made sense. Whoever Glory was using for her body, he was fighting back. If only she could remember where she'd heard that voice before…

"I can you little worm. You've got one more chance." There was no response, and Buffy could almost _feel_ Glory's grin. "Finally Benjie, you've got the picture. That's my boy."

Benjie?

Oh god. Ben? Buffy had to lean against the wall behind her for support while she got her wits back. Ben was Glory's ride? Ben, the nice hospital guy who tried to ask her out? Who Dawn had said was nice to her when she'd tried to run away from the whole Key issue?

Ben?

There was something seriously wrong with this world.

------------

Turning a corner, Spike quickly increased his speed. He had about thirty seconds before whoever was following him could see him again. He had to do something to get away from this guy. Everything he'd tried so far had been completely ineffectual, and he really needed to get to Buffy.

He looked around, for something, anything, to hide him. A fence ran alongside one of the buildings, and he immediately saw his chance. He started to run, and jumped up onto the fence before leaping up to the roof. He paused a moment, listening, but he could hear no sounds of his pursuit.

Not that that told him anything, really. He hadn't heard anything behind him all night, there was just a feeling, something that told him he was being watched. That feeling was still there, and not for the first time did Spike wonder if he was imagining it.

He doubted it.

It was just too real, and the sense of danger too great. There was something familiar about it as well, but when you'd lived as long as he had a lot of things were familiar. There was nothing for it but to keep moving and hope whatever was following him got bored or lost him.

He prayed it was soon. He hadn't been caught, but he had a feeling that he was being kept out of the way.

------------

Buffy shifted her position to get a better look through the hole in the wall. All she could see was Glory - it seemed she had regained control of her body. Or Ben's body, depending on which way you looked at it. Glory was pacing, and cursing quietly. For a moment Buffy couldn't understand why, but then it hit her that Glory was just frustrated.

Buffy had to hold back a snigger. Glory was so unbelievably dense. She still hadn't worked out that she wasn't holding the real Buffy, or that Buffy wasn't really the Key. She could just see the Buffybot lying on the ground, apparently unconscious, and Glory still hadn't clicked.

Buffy could pretend to be the Key because Dawn shared her blood, was made from her. But the robot… Glory hadn't even noticed that it wasn't human. Buffy would have thought she would have tried to test to make sure Buffy was they Key, or something. Not pace and have an identity crisis.

It was really quite funny.

Well, it would have been if not for the fact that some new arrivals had just entered the room. She caught a clear glimpse of Xander, his hands bound behind his back, being virtually dragged into the room by one of Glory's diseased midgets. And if Xander was there, she could assume Giles and Anya were as well. Especially when Anya started mouthing off at Glory.

Okay, so it was still kind of funny.

Buffy heard Xander's voice quietly urge for caution, and Anya subsided. Glory gave a short laugh.

"You've got some brains on you boy," she said, he tone slightly mocking. "Not clever to insult your local god. Your pet vampire did, and I had to get a little creative. Wanna try?"

Buffy could see Xander stiffen. "I'd say you wouldn't have the guts, but I can't. 'Cause aren't you borrowing someone else's?"

Glory smiled, and it was pure maliciousness. "Guts are guts, honey. Want to see yours?"

"I'll pass thanks. Already seen 'em before. I'd like to see yours though, care to share?"

Buffy wanted to smile, but she was getting more worried by the minute. Xander's bravery was laudable, but it was quite possibly going to get him killed. He'd been smart enough to tell Anya to shut up, and then he went and pissed her off himself. Buffy really felt like giving him a good slap upside the head. Maybe it would knock some sense into him.

----------

Xander tried not to tremble. He'd managed it so far, but Glory was looking at him as though he was a worm and she'd like to go fishing. It wasn't doing much for his confidence, to say the least.

Glory smiled at him, and patted him on the cheek. "You're a darling, boy. I'd keep you around if I could." She sighed, and her next words sounded resigned. "But circumstances… I'm sure you understand."

Xander swallowed, and gathered his courage. "Understand? That you're going to ruin the world? Yeah, I understand. Something tries to do that at least once a week around here, so you get used to it. But," he glanced at the still form of the Buffybot, "I'm not going to let you kill my friend. In a fair fight, she'd probably kick your ass. But you have to play dirty, don't you? You're not strong enough to play it straight." He saw Glory's face cloud over. This was going to hurt.

Glory managed to stop herself from punching the boy across the room. She wasn't sure why, but something told her not to kill him. It was probably just Ben, but there was a possibility that the boy just might be useful.

Xander, Giles, and Anya just stared. It was obvious Glory had been about to rearrange Xander's facial features, and possibly a few of his internal organs as well, but something had stopped her. She smiled again, but this time it was all malice.

"You're lucky, boy" said Glory, still trying to keep control on her temper. "You get a few more minutes. There's no point killing any of you without the proper audience," she gestured toward the Buffybot, and if the situation hadn't been so serious Xander would have had a hard time not laughing.

That wasn't really Buffy, right?

Xander gave his head a slight shake. Of course it wasn't Buffy. How could Glory be this dense? Not only was the Buffy she had captured not the Key, she wasn't even human. Or alive, for that matter. It was ridiculous, and she was meant to be a god. Being friends with the Slayer meant you certainly met some odd people.

Meeting Glory kind of made you want to laugh.

Well, as long as she wasn't trying to kill your friends or end the world. Talking with her for long enough was reminiscent of talking to a Cordilia with a mental problem and psychotic tendencies. It almost made your brain want to dribble out your ears just to get away.

Xander caught a glare from Giles, and it plainly told him to keep his mouth shut. They were safe as long as the Buffybot didn't move, and it was meant to be programmed to stay unconscious until Buffy or Spike showed up or Glory worked out it wasn't the Key. Antagonising Glory would only be detrimental to their survival chances, no matter how satisfying it might be.

Glory had apparently had enough of them, as she turned her back and walked over to a chair on the other side of the room. After a moment Giles sat down, awkwardly because his hands were bound, and Xander and Anya did the same. Xander's gaze lingered on the Buffybot before he turned his attention to Glory, praying Buffy would be able to get them out of this alive.

------------

Spike had had enough. Whoever was following him was doing a damn good job of it, but they hadn't attacked him or even done anything to indicate they were actually there. He knew there was someone, but they obviously hadn't planned on making an actual visible appearance.

It was getting ridiculous. He had important things to do tonight, and whoever was following him was clearly trying to keep him away.

Damned if he was going to let something too cowardly to face him make his decisions. If someone really wanted to keep him away from Buffy and that tower where Glory was holed up, then they would attack him before he got there and he could deal with it if it happened. Anything had to be better than this. He'd been running around for over an hour trying to avoid whoever was following him, and nothing he had done had worked.

Anything could be going on. This wasn't a contingency that they had planned for. He knew that Buffy would have worked something out for herself. There was no way she would still be back at the house.

He figured Buffy would be wherever Glory was. She would have found out where she was somehow once he didn't show up on time. The Slayer never was one for sitting around and doing nothing. If he knew her she was probably getting herself into some very big trouble right now, and she had no right to be having fun tonight without him.

------------

Buffy watched through the gap in the wall until Glory moved out of her sight and she saw her friends sit down, apparently unconcerned with what might happen to them. She knew them better than that though, and their lack of fear was mostly faked. She couldn't tell, but she knew them. _She_ was terrified, and she wasn't even in the room.

Glory had that effect on her. She had faced powerful enemies before, but none of them had wanted to kill her sister so they could get home and end the world in the process. She'd had emotional attachments to her fights before (can you say 'Angel'), but they'd been about _her_. No one else.

This time it wasn't about her.

All this was for Dawn. The world could take care of itself for all she cared at the moment. Dawn was the major issue, and Buffy was determined that she would not get hurt. So far it was looking good, despite Glory somehow capturing Giles, Xander, and Anya. At least Dawn was still safe with Willow and Tara, although Buffy didn't see how. If Glory had taken Giles' group, she surely would have tried with Willow as well.

Maybe Willow and Tara had been powerful enough to get away. Maybe Glory hadn't wanted to risk capturing witches. Buffy didn't care, as long as Dawn was safe and somewhere far away from here.

Spike was a problem. She had no idea where he might be or what had happened to him, but she was worried. She almost laughed at that - she'd been worried about him from the minute he'd been late. Well, not exactly worried so much as concerned. Spike could take care of himself, but she needed him here.

As if her thoughts had been a herald, Spike slung himself through the same window she had climbed through to get inside. He looked around as if death itself was at his heals, and in this town that could always be a possibility. He sensed her immediately, but hid himself away from her, up the hall.

She shot him a questioning look, and he inclined his head towards the window. Someone was following him. Buffy got the message right away. A minute passed, and she glanced at Spike. He shrugged his shoulders, and crept over to her position.

"Hey luv," he whispered. "How's it going?"

Buffy could have punched him if the noise wouldn't have alerted someone. How could he be that casual?

"Where have you been?" she hissed.

"Trying to lose my soddin' tail. Something followed me around for a bloody hour and I couldn't shake it."

"So you came here? What were you thinking?" What _was_ he thinking? Was he mad?

"I was thinking, pet, that someone was trying to keep me out of the way. They'd had their fun long enough, and it was really pissing me off." Spike voice was a low growl.

Buffy just shrugged. He probably had made the right decision, so why argue? "Fine. Look, Glory's in the room behind that wall, and she'd got Giles, Xander, and Anya in there as well. And me," she added as an afterthought.

"She didn't take the Nibblet?" asked Spike, concern and worry clear in his voice.

Buffy shook her head. "She's waiting for me to wake up so she can kill them while I watch. I don't think I need to tell you how much I _don't_ like that idea."

Spike chuckled softly. "It's getting pretty weird hearing you talk like you're two people, Slayer." Buffy glared at him. "Yeah, yeah. I get your soddin' point. What's the plan?"

"We wait. As long as possible."

****

End Chapter 16


	17. Insults

Chapter 17: Insults __

I'm not witty. I'm aware of this. I tried, and I think I've discovered I have no sense of humour. Oh, and sorry if you get confused with the Buffy/Buffybot references. It makes sense to me, but… hmmm…

****

Chapter 17: Insults

As it turned out, Buffy and Spike weren't able to wait for very long. After about five minutes of nothing but Glory muttering about the restrictions of the world's designer fashions, and Buffy trying desperately not to laugh, someone else entered the room.

Spike could tell immediately that whoever it was that had just walked into that room, it was the same demon that had been following him all night. His senses started screaming at him, and from Buffy's reaction, he could see that hers were doing the same.

Spike couldn't see a whole lot through the whole in the wall, but Buffy had managed to shift her position slightly so that she could now see a good deal of the room while still being hidden. Giles, Xander, and Anya were all still sitting together, hands tied behind their backs. From the death glare that Xander was giving the new guy, Buffy guessed that it had been the demon that had captured them.

Glory was still lounging in her chair, but she'd stopped her whining. As for the new guy, well, if it hadn't been for her 'spider-sense' trying to jump out of her skin and attack the guy itself, she wouldn't have given him a second look. From her position he looked human, and completely harmless as well.

Spike was growling low in his throat, but she ignored him and went back to studying the man. Her senses told her that he definitely wasn't human, but that didn't always mean dangerous. More dangerous, anyway. He _looked_ like the kind of guy who would go out of his way to help people.

Her eyes definitely needed a check-up.

Anyone working for Glory was evil. Pure and simple, no arguments. The poor, brainsucked saps around the front of the building didn't count. But she couldn't get anything on this guy, and it was driving her crazy. She moved back and motioned to Spike to take her position.

Spike shifted around to get a good look into the room, and almost froze in shock. "Son of a bitch," he muttered under his breath. "That bloody bastard!"

Buffy punched him lightly on the arm. "Spike, shut up!" Spike continued to curse under his breath, and Buffy had to punch him again to get his attention. "Who is he?" she whispered.

Spike growled. "He's a bloody lying bastard, it what he is. He's the guy that told the 'bit how to bring back your mum, the soddin' bugger. I thought he was a fucking good guy."

"Well, if he's working for Glory, he's definitely not of the good," replied Buffy. "How'd you know that, anyway?"

"Not now, pet," said Spike, hoping to move her attention elsewhere. "Now's not the time. His name's Doc, and his a mystical bugger who's real big on the dead and how to make 'em, well, not."

Buffy just raised an eyebrow. Spike's descriptions usually tended to be a bit more… _colourful_ that that. He obviously had personal reasons to be pissed at this guy. She was going to have to talk to him when this was all over. If she got the chance. That wasn't a thought Buffy let herself dwell on, and she turned her attention back to Glory and the demon Spike had identified.

"He what?" Glory's voice came through the wall clearly, and she was obviously having anger issues.

Doc's voice was quiet, and his tone was almost kind, and slightly patronising. "He got away from me. I tracked him for an hour, but he got bored and headed in this direction. I assume he is in the building somewhere."

"Here?" Buffy could _feel_ Glory smile. "Perfect."

Buffy felt Spike stiffen beside her. She grabbed his arm, just in case he was planning on bursting through that wall and doing something very stupid.

"Spike, don't," she whispered.

He shook his head. "He already knows I'm out here luv. I can sense him, and I'm damn sure he can sense me."

Buffy's eyes widened. "He knows we're out here?"

Spike shook his head again. "He knows _I'm_ here. You he's probably confused about."

Buffy thought quickly for a second as the conversation continued in the other room. She looked up and Spike, and he grinned.

"New plan?" he asked.

"New plan."

-------------

Most people would expect that there wouldn't be many things that could startle a god. But then, when most people think of gods, they don't get an image of the fashion-victim, self-involved, neurotic headcase that Glory tended to be. Still, she's a god, so she should be like, hyper-aware of stuff, right?

Right?

Considering how high she jumped when the wall exploded and a bleach-blond mutated vampire came crashing through screaming bloody murder, Xander had to say no.

We don't even need to mention all the precedents.

From his position on the floor with Anya and Giles, all Xander could do was watch as Spike apparently went crazy. Glory was so shocked it was all she could do to fight him off, and the creepy grandpa-demon-man just stood there with a slight smile on his face.

It looked like Spike was attacking Glory for all he was worth, but Xander could see that his punches were wild and he had none of his usual form. He was vamped out, and through his mostly incoherent screams Xander could make out the occasional demand for Glory to leave Buffy alone. Or 'get the bloody hell away from her', in Spike's words, but it amounted to the same thing.

Xander chuckled slightly despite the situation, there was just something funny about the whole thing. Well, there was. But that was until Spike got whacked into a wall by grandpa's tail.

Wha-huh?

Tail? What tail? Xander looked at the demon-guy again, and couldn't see anything strange. Spike was slumped up against the wall, and Glory was still standing stock-still, open-mouthed in astonishment. Apparently she'd never had an insane vampire attack her before.

Surprising.

Glory finally snapped out of it and smiled. Now she'd get to torture the vampire. And in front of the Slayer too, when she finally woke up. Which she apparently had. Glory watched as Buffy stood up slowly on unsteady feet, and her smile stretched when she saw the vampire's expression as he looked at her. He knew he'd lost.

Finally, it got through to them. She was the god, she was more powerful, she now had the Key. And she was going to make it watch as she killed and tortured its protectors. Doc had been trying to tell her something before they were so rudely interrupted, but it probably hadn't been important. It was most likely only about his inability to find the Slayer's other friends, and they weren't a problem. It would have been nice to torture and kill them too, but you can't have everything.

She clapped her hands together to get everyone's attention. "Alright kiddies, here's how we play the game. You," she pointed to Spike, "go over with the rest of the help. And," Glory turned to Buffy, "you get to watch while I practice my maiming and dismemberment."

Buffy gave her no reaction, and it pissed Glory off immediately. She stalked over and grabbed Buffy by the hair, pulling her in so they were face to face. "What is wrong with you? Did you like, leave your personality somewhere, or what?" she whirled around when Spike sniggered, and noticed that the needling little fingers had started on her brain again. She dropped Buffy, and suddenly appeared in front of Spike.

"It's you, isn't it? You're the one doing this to me."

Despite himself, Spike backed up a few paces. The memory of what Glory had done to him last time she'd gotten her hands on him (and in him) was still fresh in his memory. Needless to say, he wasn't keen on a repeat experience. Still, he wasn't going to let some psychotic reject hellbitch push him around without giving as good as he got. Better, preferably.

"Maybe. But c'mon baby, can't you tell? Thought you were a god."

Glory swung at him, but he managed to duck in time. "I am a god, you miserable little worm. I'm so far above you you couldn't even begin to comprehend."

"Right, right. Only if I'm hanging by my ankles sweetheart."

Glory was stumped. "Huh?"

Spike smirked, and behind him Xander, Giles and Anya all tried not to burst out laughing. They'd managed to get themselves free, and were standing near the door, unwilling to leave but feeling the need for a close escape route. Spike threw a quick glance back at them, and almost laughed himself. "Blondie, if the whelp over there got it, you must be _really_ stupid."

Glory growled, and this time Spike couldn't duck fast enough. Glory's hand shot out and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him easily off the ground. Spike kicked her a bit, but she didn't even acknowledge it.

"Oh bugger," he muttered. His hands grabbed hers, trying to force them apart, but he couldn't even move a finger. Good thing for him he didn't really need to breathe, or he would have been passing out about now. He struggled a bit, if only to make sure she didn't get bored, but it was proved unnecessary when the Buffybot walked calmly up behind Glory and hit her over the back of the head with a plank of wood.

Spike dropped to the ground clutching at his throat, and Glory turned to confront Buffy. She still hadn't been able to sense her coming up from behind, and she was starting to get suspicious. She'd always been able to sense the Slayer before.

Buffy attacked her, and she had no time to follow the thought. Those irritating little needles were still poking at her mind, and it made it difficult to think properly. It also dulled her reflexes slightly, allowing for a more even fight.

That's _so_ unfair.

It wasn't difficult for Glory to hold Buffy off, but for some reason none of her attacks seemed to bother the Slayer at all. Another irritation was the fact that Doc was just standing there, watching the fight but making no move to defend her. He should be willing to give his _life_ for her. And what was he doing? Standing there, totally unconcerned. Not that she needed the help, but he was supposed to worship her. What kind of follower stands there with a small smile on his face while he watches his god fight a being with the potential to destroy every reality?

Unless… those clever little bastards.

This would be a good time to note that Glory's logic system was somewhat… unorthodox. It was really something of a mystery to her why everyone didn't bow down and grovel before her. It confused her that humans wouldn't just line up to be brainsucked. Therefore, the fact that Doc wasn't doing his best to protect her meant that there was something wrong with the person she was fighting. There was no way she would ever come up with the idea that maybe he just couldn't be bothered.

All the indications that something wasn't right finally came together. They'd tricked her. They'd done something to confuse her so she wouldn't notice until it was too late. The Slayer wasn't the Key - she wasn't even alive. But there had to be some truth in it, or she would have seen through their deception. That meant there was only one person who could be the Key.

Somehow, Glory managed to come up with an answer that was even more off the mark than being convinced it was Buffy.

"It's the other goddamn Slayer," she growled.

The Buffybot paused in its attack, and the present scoobies looked perplexed. Spike stared for a minute, then almost collapsed laughing. Glory glared around and everyone in the room, and noticed that Doc had disappeared.

"Why that wrinkly little…" she muttered under her breath. She dismissed him from her mind, and turned to the vampire that was laughing so hard he had to support himself against the wall. "What?" she demanded.

Spike just laughed harder. It was hard to believe that they'd been so worried about someone this dense, no matter how powerful she might be. He was forced to drop to the ground as Glory's fist passed through the space his head had just accommodated, and he shuddered when he saw the hole she'd put through a solid concrete wall.

Glory smiled down at him. "It's nice to finally see you grovel at my feet, vampire."

"Grovel? Hardly," muttered Spike as he pushed himself to his feet. "I just happen to think the floor's a damn sight prettier than you are." He had to dodge again as Glory took another swing at him.

Glory growled as Spike leapt out of the way. She took a step towards him then stopped, deciding on a far more satisfying course of action. Faster than anyone could see she moved and appeared in front of Buffy. She grabbed her by the neck and held her a foot off the ground. The Buffybot didn't struggle, waiting for an order from Spike, but Glory didn't notice. She looked over to the scoobies and smiled.

"Everyone say goodbye to the annoying little Slayer," said Glory in a light voice. She turned her eyes back to Buffy, and her smile widened. "Hope you go to Hell, sweetheart." Using her free arm, Glory slammed her fist into the side of Buffy's head. She laughed when as she watched the head fall to the floor, but her laugher trailed off when she noticed something odd.

She bent over and picked up the head, letting the body fall to the floor. Turning it over in her hands, she inspected the wiring coming out from the neck.

"The Slayer's a robot. Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot?"

Spike started laughing again. As unsettling as it had been to watch Glory virtually tear Buffy's head off, the fact the Glory had still not clicked as to what was going on… there wasn't anything he could do but laugh.

Glory growled and threw the Buffybot's head down with the body. In an instant she was in front of Spike again, and her hand was around his neck.

"I've had enough. I what to know what it is that you find so funny, and if I don't like your answer, you're going to make this place a little more dusty."

As Spike clawed at the hand around his neck he desperately tried to remind himself that he didn't need to breathe. But even so, Glory's grip was so tight that any more pressure would snap his neck like a twig. He wasn't sure if that was enough to kill him, but he was sure it would be damn painful.

"Right…right…" he managed to croak out. "I'll tell you… just… bloody… let… go."

Glory dropped him immediately, and Spike tried to count how many times he'd found himself kissing concrete since coming into the room. He repressed a chuckle at the strange thought, wondering if maybe it was those sorts of thoughts that made Harris act the way he did in a fight.

He stood up slowly, taking as long as possible. He was in for a repeat of his own personal lesson in torture, he just knew it. It was fairly understandable that he wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

He finally straightened and found he was looking Glory right in the eyes. She stood in front of him with her arms crossed, waiting for his explanation. Her eyes flashed in anger when he didn't speak straight away, and her fingers twitched as if she couldn't wait to dig them into him again. He held up his hands in supplication.

"I'll talk, I'll talk. Just gimme a sec… Damn, woman. I was laughing because…" he trailed off, trying to think of a good story. "Sod it," he muttered under his breath. "I was laughing because you're a bloody idiot. You're dafter than that bloody robot, and about half as pretty. You're a whining, miserable excuse for a god, and I'm not surprised those other hellgods you ruled with kicked your ass out of the entire bloody dimension."

It took Glory a moment to process the insult, but it eventually sunk in and Spike could see her face darken. It twisted with rage, and in an instant Glory had a stake in her hand, and her arm was moving forward to strike.

Spike would have tried to dodge or something, but he knew it would be no use. Glory wasn't going to miss this time. He kept his gaze fixed on Glory, determined to leave the world standing tall and proud.

Maybe he'd see Glory again in Hell. Well, he could dream.

His eyes trailed the stake as it swung towards his heart. He couldn't help but close his eyes as pain lanced through his body. 

He hadn't known it was going to hurt this much.

****

End Chapter 17

__

Am I evil? Please… tell me I'm evil. I want to be evil, damn it!


	18. E, S, and BAH

Chapter 18: Surgery __

Okay, I think some people jumped to conclusions…

****

Chapter 18: Explosions, Surgery, and big-ass Hammers

Buffy watched from her new vantage point as Spike started his mad attack against Glory. But she didn't have time to stay and enjoy the show. She needed Spike's distraction to get around to the wall on the other side of the room.

New plan, different tactics. Now, instead of beating things up, they were blowing stuff up. Less exertion, and a hell of a lot of fun. Buffy had been shocked at the amount of explosives Spike had pulled out from under his duster. He said he'd swiped it from the construction site on the way in, but… who thinks like that? Really? Picking up explosives on the off chance they might be needed.

Spike loved causing random destruction _way_ to much.

Maybe she should be worried. No, she decided, it was just all part of what made him Spike. It also made him slightly crazy, but she could overlook that. Especially considering the arsenal of weaponry that she was packing. Anyone impartial looking at her and Spike would have a hard time deciding who was more violent, dangerous, and destructive.

Actually, their friends would have a hard time deciding that.

Buffy jumped down off a platform, and found herself outside a door. Pressing her eye up to the crack, she saw Anya's back, and a blur that looked a bit like Spike. She was in the right place.

Punching a panel out of the wall next to the door, she crawled into the gap. When she estimated she'd reached halfway along the wall she unbridled herself of the explosives strapped to her midsection. As she fumbled to get them set up she wished Spike could have been the one to do this, since she knew jack all about explosives, but it wasn't like she could really rush into the room and attack Glory while the robot was still in there.

Sort of defeat the purpose of the whole 'let's trick Glory' thing.

It took her a while in the dark, but she finally got everything set up. Crawling out of the hole she trailed a fuse behind her, leading it out of the wall and along the hallway a bit. She was bending to light it when her senses screamed at her, and she dropped to the ground, kicking a leg out behind her in an effort to fell her attacker.

She connected with something, and she bounded to her feet and back a few paces, ready for another attack. As she straightened up, she realised that it was that creepy old man demon guy who had tried to attack her. Her eyes widened as she saw a tail flick back behind his legs and disappear.

"Okay," said Buffy, "that's just creepy."

The old man smiled. "Slayer. How nice to finally meet you face to face. I've been waiting a long time."

Buffy shrugged. "Well, here we are. And now, I kick your ass. How's that sound for first impressions?"

"Just a moment," he took a slow step towards her. "I'm a little curious. How is it you're out here when you're also in there," he gestured to the room, "fighting Glorificus? Now, I know that the Slayer in there isn't the Key, it really was a little obvious."

"Not to Glory," muttered Buffy.

Doc smiled. "Quite. But you intrigue me. You feel like the Key, but it's subtle. Either the monks were better than I expected, or it isn't really you. Now," he took another step forward, "Glory seems to have reached the conclusion that it is your fellow Slayer that's the real Key."

Buffy's mouth twitched, trying not to smile. "Really?" she asked blandly.

"I can see the thought amuses you," said Doc. "I thought it rather unlikely, myself. But now I have to wonder who it is that really is the Key. They must be connected to you in some way, or you wouldn't have the residue of the energy of the Key in your blood."

Buffy stiffened. He was too close to the truth. She forced a laugh. "You have absolutely no idea what you're on about," she said. "We pretended I was the Key because Glory's just dumb enough to believe it. She wouldn't know the Key unless it snuck up on her and bit her on the butt. She even had him once, and she let him go," she smiled. "Hey, here's a question, how daft do you have to be to be a deity?"

Doc sighed. "Admirable effort, I do commend you. But it is impossible for the Key to be a vampire. It must be pure."

Buffy tried to look confused. "Vampire? Who said it was a vampire? I never said it was Spike." She clapped her hand over her mouth.

Doc smiled again, and his eyes flashed black for an instant. "Spike. I had wondered why he wasn't affected by sunlight. And a vampire working with a Slayer, it is rather unprecedented."

Buffy shook her head. "It is so precedented. Angel helped me for years."

"Angel. Yes, well, he was a rather special case."

"Well, Spike's special too."

"Yes. He is, isn't he." It wasn't a question.

Buffy decided that she'd had enough. She couldn't afford to leave Spike on his own for too long. He was an expert at getting people mad, and who knew how far he could push Glory before she snapped and really tried to kill him? And this Doc guy was getting on her nerves. There was just something about him that made her want to wipe that smug look off his face.

"Look," she said. "Are we going to fight? Because if we are, can we get on with it? I have another appointment."

Doc shook his head. "A fight? Hmmm… no, I think not. All I wanted was the identity of the Key, which I do believe I have. While it would no doubt be an interesting confrontation, I'm afraid I have another engagement. When I bleed the Key… well, let's just say I don't need to waste the effort on you now." He winked, then turned and walked away, disappearing around a corner.

Buffy stood staring for a moment. "I swear all the evil guys are getting thicker," she said to herself. "Maybe whatever Glory has is catching or something." She shrugged and bent to light the fuse. Once it was burning, she quickly ran back around to her original position near the outside of the building.

Crouching down between the boxes again, she estimated that she had about 20 seconds before it reached the explosives that she'd rigged. Looking through the missing panel in the wall, Buffy could see Glory and Spike standing facing each other, and Spike was rubbing his throat. She could tell that Glory had just asked him something, because he was doing this thing with his eyebrows that he always did when he was trying to think of a good lie.

The moment the first words left his mouth Buffy groaned. When she'd said 'keep her occupied' she hadn't meant 'piss her off until she stakes you'. But apparently, that was what Spike had heard. And he was doing a really good job of it too. A stake appearing in Glory's hand, but Buffy couldn't move. There was no way she'd get there in time, and she was frozen with horror.

It seemed like everything slowed down as the stake descended towards Spike's heart. She forced herself to move, pushing herself off the ground and intending to break right through the wall in front of her.

She didn't even get the chance. In mid-air in her leap at the wall she was thrown backwards into the solid brick behind her. It was only after she hit the ground that her mind registered an ear shattering bang, and belatedly she realised that her explosives had just detonated.

Scrambling to her feet, Buffy pulled the Troll hammer off her back. That explosion might have dazed Glory, but she had no illusions that it would do any more than that. Taking a quick look at her rearranged surroundings, Buffy realised that it had actually been a flying piece of wood that had pushed her back, not the force from the explosion itself. There was a gaping hole in the wall in front of her from flying debris, and she could see clear to the opposite wall where she had set the charges.

Most of it simply wasn't there any more. She hadn't known it was going to be that powerful. She was going to have to have a few words with Spike about keeping her in the dark on certain matters.

If he was still alive.

Forcing herself through the wall, Buffy looked around for Spike and her friends. Giles, Xander, and Anya were crumpled up over near the door, but they were moving, obviously just a little stunned. Turning a full 360, Buffy couldn't see any sign of Glory or Spike.

Her mind raced. She wouldn't see any sign of Spike if he was dead, but Glory should be around somewhere. Oh god, if Spike was… she forced herself to concentrate. Her gaze fell on a large pile of rubble in a corner of the room. Hope flared in her chest, but it warred with caution. Spike might be stuck under there, but Glory could be too. Her thoughts conflicted as she tried to assess whether it was worth the risk.

Damn right it was.

If Spike _was_ buried under there, then judging by how close they'd been standing before the explosion, Glory would be in there too. If Spike was alive, she wasn't going to leave him buried in a pile of rubble with Glory so she would have another chance to kill him. She just had to hope she found Spike first, and that maybe a piece of masonry had stapled Glory's head to the floor.

Buffy dropped to her knees in front of the pile of rubble and began to dig, using her Slayer strength to throw bricks and wooden support beams out of the way. She ignored a yelp from Xander as a piece of drywall almost hit him. She could feel… something. There was this sense of urgency. Spike was alive, she knew it, but if she left him buried too much longer he probably wouldn't be by the time she found him. Or found an extra dusty spot, anyway.

Her hand scraped something softer than masonry, and she frantically began to clear the surrounding area. Shifting a rather large piece of wall, she uncovered a leg, complete with combat boots and black jeans. She quickly cleared the rest of the rubble off Spike's body, and found herself looking at an unconscious, and very dirty vampire.

One with a rather large hole in his chest also.

It wasn't so much a hole as a gash. Spike had a deep furrow across his chest, and she could see his ribs. It looked to her like the wound had missed his heart by mere inches, and instead Glory's strength and the forced of the explosion had dragged the stake all the way across the right side of Spike's chest. Despite her revulsion at the severity of the wound, something forced Buffy to look closer. She found the point where the stake had pieced his chest, and saw something that made her blood run cold.

Embedded right next to Spike's heart was the jagged edge of a snapped off stake.

One little movement could drive it home. Just one wooden splinter shifting in his chest could end his life. She had to get it out before she could move him, and she had to do it quickly. If Glory was buried under the rubble and tried to move, it could all be over. She refused to let that happen.

Pulling a knife from a sheath strapped to her leg, Buffy carefully positioned herself above Spike, making sure she didn't touch him. She hoped he wouldn't regain consciousness until she was done, if he moved he could very well end his own life. Taking a deep breath, Buffy prayed that it was true that metal through the heart wouldn't kill a vampire, and that he couldn't simply die from too much pain.

'Cause this was going to _hurt_.

Steeling herself, Buffy slid the knife into the side of Spike's heart, keeping it close to the stake. Spike screamed, but his body didn't move. Buffy was thankful for that, as this was hard enough as it was. Carefully she twisted the knife, cutting away everything that surrounded the stake, making sure she didn't miss anything. Gritting her teeth, she used the knife to pry out the stake, and pulled it out with her spare hand.

Shuddering at the feel of Spike's flesh in her hand, she tossed it away form her. Inspecting the wound again, she couldn't see any sign of any splinters or the like, and breathed a sigh of relief. Spike wasn't all dusty, and she'd managed to finish the operation without throwing up. There were some parts of her friends that she just didn't need to see, and those included dead organs and anything that she had to dig out with a knife.

Buffy carefully slid her arms under Spike's body, and lifted him from the pile of rubble. He was a dead weight in her arms, and she ignored the way the feeling unnerved her. She carried him over to where Giles was standing, and placed Spike at his feet. He gave her a sympathetic look, and nodded at the order in her eyes.

"We'll take him," was all he said, but it was enough.

Buffy gave her friends a grateful smile, and was relieved by their understanding. Giles and Xander bent to pick up Spike, and with one last look at her they carried him as carefully as possible out of the room. Anya hesitated a moment before following, and something in her body language told Buffy that she wanted to give her a hug or something, but wasn't sure if she should. Buffy appreciated the thought, especially coming from Anya, but turned away to look at the pile of rubble she had found Spike buried in.

She heard Anya leave, but didn't turn away. Her nerve-endings were tingling, warning her of danger. Slowly, small pieces of brick and wood began to slid off the heap, and Buffy stood waiting patiently. She wanted this over, but she wasn't in any hurry. Glory was the one with the deadline.

Suddenly the debris began to shift faster, and without much warning the entire pile was virtually thrown aside. Doubt began to creep into Buffy's mind as she was reminded of Glory's strength. Somehow, she'd managed to convince herself that Glory would be weakened, or disabled in some way.

Damn optimism.

Well, it didn't change her mind. She had one thing to do, and she was going to do it even if Glory was stronger than a vampire feeding on the Chinese Olympic swim team. Picking the Troll Hammer up off the floor where she'd forgotten it temporarily, Buffy readied herself to fight.

She watched as the pile suddenly heaved upwards, and took a step back before she could control herself. She was so on edge, and it wasn't taking much to make her jump. She forced herself to stand and wait, apparently unconcerned, keeping her face expressionless as Glory freed herself from the rubble and stood up slowly, brushing herself off.

"Okay," she said, "now I'm really mad. Nobody tries to blow me up and gets away with it," she paused when her mind finally registered Buffy. "So you're the real one this time?" Buffy nodded. "Good. I'm afraid I'm tired of your little games. This ends now, and I will have my Key before the night ends."

Buffy shrugged. "Well, if you manage that I'll be impressed. You've got… what, like half an hour? I'm afraid you're going to be stuck here for a very long time," she stopped for a second, a thoughtful look on her face. "and, since I'm not keen on having you anywhere near me… I'm afraid you've got only two choices."

Glory decided to bite. If the Key really was the other Slayer, then she really had no chance. "And those are?" she asked with fake indifference.

Buffy smirked. Glory was _so_ transparent. "I'm warning you, you're not going to like them," she said. Glory growled, and Buffy decided to let it go. "Oh all right, if you're going to be that way about it… First choice: you can give up your control of Ben's body, and never try to take dominancy from him again."

"Or?" Glory was not impressed.

"Or I kill you."

Silence followed Buffy's statement. Glory wasn't sure how to react. Normally, attacking would seem to be a good response, but something about the Slayer was creeping her out.

Creeping her out?

She shuddered. This damn dimension was even invading her vocabulary. She forced herself to concentrate, and for the first time noticed that the annoying little fingers that had been digging at her mind had disappeared. Her mind took in the amount of weaponry Buffy was packing, but she dismissed it as inconsequential. Weapons weren't a danger to her.

So how did the Slayer think she was going to kill her?

Her. Glory. A God, when she was just a common old Slayer. What was she worrying about? She might not be able to get her Key, but that didn't mean she couldn't kill the Slayer and rule this dimension herself, even if it was rather… primitive.

She smiled with enough malice to make Buffy's confident stance waver a little. "New choices, little girl," she said. "And this time, I make the rules."

Buffy didn't say anything. Glory wanted to hear the sound of her own voice, and listening to her was less painful than fighting.

Sort of…

Glory glanced down at her dress and frowned. Pulling off the dusty, torn rag it had become, it was instantly replaced with another that was clean and, to Buffy's mind, slightly whorish. Typical Glory, really.

Glory wasn't put off by Buffy's lack of reply. "Now here's your choices, sweetcheeks." Buffy kept her face impassive, and simply raised an eyebrow. "First choice: We fight. You die. I kill all your friends, then I go and get the Key. I may not be able to use it to get home, but it can still destroy your dimension."

Buffy tried not to let the image in her mind get to her. "And my second choice?" she asked coolly.

Glory smiled. "You get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness. You tell me where the Key is, and I don't kill your friends. You still die, but I'll make it quick."

Buffy laughed. Talk about being petty. "I don't think so, Barbie. Whatever you do, you're finished. You can't get home, so there's no point to anything you're doing. And honestly? The choices you gave me, they kinda suck."

Glory gaped. "And the ones you gave me are any better?"

"Sure. You still live in one of them."

"Fading away is not living!" shouted Glory.

"Fine. Ben still lives in one of them. Personally, I like that choice."

Glory forced herself to calm down. Shouting at the Slayer wasn't going to get her anywhere, and she got the feeling that Buffy wasn't really intimidated. "Do you think I care about Ben? He's been my only restriction since I entered this dimension. If it wasn't for him, I'd be ruling this miserable backwater by now."

Buffy shrugged. "Technically, he's all that's keeping you alive. Doesn't that just make you sweat? To know your existence is in the hands of a weak, pathetic human? You're living on his charity, Glory. You're a parasite."

That did it. Glory snarled and lunged straight at Buffy, who sidestepped, sending Glory crashing into a wall.

"So I guess you're choosing option two, huh?" asked Buffy. Glory didn't say anything, and Buffy decided she could still push her a little more. "That was the one where I kill you, if you couldn't remember."

Glory's back stiffened, and her gaze went hard. Enough was enough, and she'd had more than enough of the Slayer's taunts. How _dare_ she mock her? If she was going to be stuck here for eternity, she was damn sure going to make the Slayer pay. And, since she wasn't in any hurry any more, it was going to take some time. Torture was an art, and one she enjoyed practising.

Baring her teeth in an imitation of a smile, Glory leapt forward to take on the Slayer. Buffy was ready for her, and brought the hammer into play. She dodged Glory's first few punches, and when she saw her opening she wasted no time in exploiting it.

Glory got the shock of her life when Buffy's hammer came out of nowhere to slam into her head. Even more surprising was the fact that it actually hurt. The force of the blow sent her flying across the room, where she hit the floor and rolled back until she slammed into a wall.

Forcing herself to her feet, she carefully felt the area around her jaw. It felt… well, it hurt. And that wasn't supposed to happen. Not to her. She was a _God_, and puny little mortals weren't meant to be able to harm her.

Before she realised it, Glory was again decked by Buffy's hammer. Too dumbstruck to move, she had no chance as Buffy stood over her, hammer raised for another strike.

Glory forced herself to speak. "You're just a mortal. You couldn't understand my pain."

Buffy didn't care. "Then I'll just have to settle for causing it." She brought the hammer down into Glory's chest, repeating the action and hearing a sickening crack every time she connected. For Glory, the pain was too much, something she shouldn't have to handle. She let go of the restraints she always had to hold onto when she was in control, and Buffy watched warily as Glory was replaced by Ben.

He groaned in pain. It looked like Glory's injuries must have hurt his body as well. Which made sense, since if Ben died, Glory died. That didn't mean she had to like it though. He hadn't done anything wrong. It hadn't been his fault he'd been saddled with the world's worst split personality disorder.

It looked like he was having trouble breathing, but he managed to gasp out her name. She couched down next to him, and he looked up at her with pain filled eyes.

"Ben," she said, "I need to know. Can she come back?"

Buffy hoped not. She knew what that would mean for Ben, and what she would have to do. And she wasn't sure if she could. She'd been over this before, and she'd come to the conclusion that she couldn't kill an innocent man. But now… if she didn't, Glory could come back, wanting revenge, and who knew what she would be capable of. Buffy couldn't risk leaving Glory free to kill her friends and family, but she couldn't kill someone.

A thought flittered across her mind, and she chased it away immediately. Spike could kill Ben, and she had no doubt he'd do it once he found out that she wouldn't. He'd do anything to protect herself and Dawn, she knew that. But if she just let him, pretended she didn't know, what difference did it make? If she was going to let that happen, she may as well just kill him herself. It all amounted to the same thing.

Ben coughed, and Buffy could see blood on his lips. When he spoke, his voice was rasping, and she could hear the pain it was causing him to talk. "I don't know. I feel… different… but it's hard… it's hard to tell with… with all the pain... I… " he trailed off, unable to continue.

Buffy pushed down a surge of guilt. She'd been hitting Glory, not Ben. It wasn't her fault that he got hurt too. She couldn't have known that. It wasn't her fault.

For some reason, that really didn't help at all with the whole guilt thing.

"Ben, please. I have to know." If she had to kill him.

He closed his eyes. "I don't know."

Buffy sighed. It didn't matter anyway. She couldn't kill him, even if there was a chance Glory would come back. He was human, innocent. And she had more immediate matters to deal with. If Glory was coming back, she wasn't doing it before she managed to regain all the energy she had expended. And Buffy thought it was unlikely she'd try until Ben's body had healed. She was too much of a coward to deal with the pain.

"Ben," said Buffy quietly, "I have something I have to do. Just lie still, and I'll come back with people to help you as soon as I can."

Ben managed a groan that Buffy took as an understanding, then she stood up and secured the hammer to her back again. She didn't know if she would need it, but it was a kick-ass weapon, and she wasn't keen on leaving it lying around where anybody could find it.

Taking a last look at Ben to make sure he was alright for the time being, Buffy strode out of the room in the same direction Giles and the others had taken Spike. If Doc really was as gullible as he had seemed, Spike was in danger.

Again. Still. Whatever… could this guy not stay out of trouble?

Buffy carefully overlooked the fact that most of it was _her_ fault. Denial's a lovely place to live.

Considering the state Spike was in, she didn't think his body would be able to handle any pain. Vampires supposedly wouldn't die until you staked, beheaded, or exposed them to sunlight, but she was reasonably sure that cutting them into little pieces would have the same effect.

All she knew was that the ritual for the Key required blood at the right place at the right time. So that didn't mean that Doc would necessarily hurt Spike more than he already was. All he needed to do for blood at the moment was put Spike face down on a platform, and it would drip out of that gaping hole in his chest.

Still, not fun.

Buffy started running. The only places she could think of where they'd take Spike would be her house and the Magic Box, and on a hunch she headed for home. Spike had blood there, and he'd definitely need some. Not caring if anyone saw her, Buffy took the quickest route possible, jumping fences and cutting through people's backyards and over their houses where necessary.

Running up the steps to the porch, she grimaced at the sight of her front wall. She'd almost forgotten. For a second she wondered how it was possibly that nobody had noticed it yet and called the police, but she didn't really care. She entered the house to find Anya in the kitchen, and raced upstairs without bothering to say anything.

She reached the top of the stairs and stopped before the door to her mother's old room. Spike's now, really. Not that he'd probably be spending much time in there if they ever got through this. She forced herself to calm down before she opened the door.

The sight that greeted her when she entered the room was little different from the best-case scenario she'd had on her head on the run over. Spike was in the bed, asleep or unconscious, and Giles and Xander were standing over near the far wall, talking quietly. The both looked up as she came in.

Giles spoke first. "Buffy, is…"

Buffy nodded, then shook her head. "Sort of. I beat her up real bad, but then she changed back into Ben, and I couldn't kill him. He was hurt pretty bad, but I had to leave him there. I don't think he'll be able to move until we go back for him. And I don't think Glory can come back either. At least not for a while. But we have bigger problems right now. And how's Spike doing?" She said it all on one breath, wanting to give them enough that they wouldn't ask questions.

Xander raised his eyebrows, but didn't comment on the rush. "We don't know," he said. "He's not dust, which I _suppose_ is a good sign," Buffy glared at him, "but he hasn't woken up. We cleaned him up as best we could, and bandaged his chest so his heart wouldn't fall out." He tried to joke, but Buffy wasn't in the mood. "And what do you mean by 'bigger problems'?"

"Doc," said Buffy. "You know, creepy old man demon guy."

"What about him?" asked Giles.

"Have you seen him?"

Giles shook his head. "Not since he was with Glory."

Buffy cursed. "I think I might have convinced him that Spike was the Key. Are you sure he wasn't following you?"

Giles shook his head. "I'm quite certain he wasn't, Buffy."

Buffy swore again. Maybe Doc was smarter than she had given him credit for.

****

End Chapter 18

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You really thought I was going to kill Spike? How many times has he almost died in this story already? Okay, so it was a bit of a cop-out. But at least you got some amateur open heart surgery. If you think about it, it's really quite disgusting… can you tell I'm not a doctor?

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and everything. It's nice to know people like what you're writing enough to care that you're killing someone off. Not that I was, but still…And hey, I get chapters out faster when enough people tell me to get my butt into gear. Well, that and when I'm meant to be studying…


	19. Beginning of the End

__

Well, sorry this is late, but… exams. Big-time having to study, no matter how much I avoid it. And this chapter was an absolute… well, let's just say it was damn hard to write. The beginning was, anyway.

****

Chapter 19: Beginning of the End

Willow looked at her watch. Nine o'clock. They only had half an hour more before it was all over. They'd been hiding in a dorm room all night, and the usual occupant of the room was out of town. It had been Dawn's idea to stay in the building, and so far it seemed to be working out.

Willow was torn between going out of her mind with worry, and trying to be optimistic. The good news was that Glory didn't have Dawn, so the world wasn't going to end, but they had no way of knowing if everyone else was okay. None of the rest of the scoobies knew where they were, and they couldn't really leave to check if they'd been to Willow and Tara's dorm room.

Willow had considered calling Buffy's house a thousand times, but she wasn't sure if she should. At least, not until after nine-thirty. Hopefully if would be safe then.

The main problem was that they were bored out of their minds.

They'd had nothing to do since they'd entered the room. They had to leave the lights off, and they were afraid to move around in case there were demons watching the building or something. And the room the were in was supposed to be empty, so they had to stay quiet to avoid notice from the other students living on the campus.

They'd run out of things to talk about a while ago, and now sat in silence, worry settling into their minds. No matter how many times they tried to tell themselves that everything would be okay, they found themselves fretting.

After all the waiting, Willow wondered if maybe it would have been better if she'd been with Buffy, been there to do what she could with magic. Rationally, she knew she wouldn't have done much good, but it was just so frustrating.

Dawn was regretting her suggestion of hiding in the building. At least if they had gone somewhere she would have something different to look at. Dorm rooms really weren't the most exciting places in the world. She tried to keep her mind off the fact that her sister and the friendly neighbourhood vampire were out there risking their lives for her, but things like that tend to beat you over the head if you ignore them. She couldn't help but wonder if she was really worth all the trouble.

Oh, that's right. They had to protect her, or she'd cause the end of the world.

The thought was bitter, but Dawn had to admit that she wasn't really being fair. Buffy loved her, she knew that, and she was fairly certain that Spike at least liked her. Sometimes she wondered how much of that was for Buffy's sake, since he was so head over heals in love with her.

Once again, Dawn regretted the thought. Spike had shown her more than once that he really did care about her, and not just as Buffy's sister. Ever since he'd… changed… and started living with them, she'd had the opportunity to spend time with him without Buffy telling her not to. He'd even hugged her a couple of times. That had been a shock.

And he'd made breakfast. Spike had been surprisingly domestic during the last week. She suspected that it was mostly to help out Buffy, since she had been under a lot of stress lately what with Glory and a pending apocalypse and all that.

Dawn knew that there was a lot more going on between those two than they had let on to everyone else. They hadn't tried to hide it from her, and that meant more to her than she could say. She hoped that if they all got through this alive things could go back to the way they'd been this past week, just without the stress and fear. And maybe Buffy and Spike could do the whole 'tell the friends about the relationship' thing. Dawn _really_ wanted to be there when they broke that news to Xander and Giles. She suspected Willow already knew something, and she'd be cool about it anyway. But Xander… she _knew_ Buffy would kick her out of the room for that one.

Dawn took a moment to consider Tara and Willow. Tara was relatively new to the group, having only been around for a little over a year, but Dawn liked her. She was nice, and she never treated her like a kid. Tara hadn't known Dawn since she was a lot younger like the others, so she didn't treat Dawn like she was still 11 years old. Not that the others did it consciously, but what with their altered memories and all, they could help it.

Somewhere in all those false memories there was probably a 'protect Dawn at all costs' clause or something. It was like they were all her surrogate older siblings or something. But while it was nice to have people who loved her that much, it sometimes got annoying when they insisted on treating her like she was fragile.

Willow was a bit different. She still sometimes spoke to Dawn like she was younger than she really was, but she tried to help with older stuff. Willow had wanted to teach her some magic, but Buffy hadn't let her. Buffy was so over-protective, but it showed that she cared, and not just because of the memories in her head.

Buffy and Spike were out there tonight, risking their lives for her. And she was just sitting there, doing nothing. It was so frustrating.

"Hey, Willow," whispered Dawn. "We've waited long enough, don't you think? Can't we go back to your room so we can do something? I'm going out of my mind just sitting here worrying."

The sympathy in Willow's eyes told Dawn that she understood completely. "I wish we could, Dawnie," she whispered back, "But we have to wait to make sure. I know that the waiting's hard, but it'll only be about another half hour. It won't kill you. Moving might. And hey, end of the world, too."

"I get it, I get it," Dawn mumbled. "I just wish I knew."

Willow didn't say anything, but Dawn could she that she felt exactly the same. Tara probably did as well, but she was harder to read. Dawn settled back on the floor for another spate of waiting.

It was weird though. Something almost always happened to disrupt their plans. So far, they didn't know if anything had gone wrong. Were Xander's group okay? Were Buffy and Spike still alive? Although most of the thought probably came from fear, Dawn had been certain that someone would have tried to kill her or something before the night was over. So far, her fear appeared to be unfounded.

A bright light suddenly flashed in the room, and they were all momentarily blinded. Dawn could hear Willow and Tara scrambling around in their bags for anything they could fight with, but Dawn sat frozen. She couldn't see a thing, and she was rooted to the spot. Her last thought before something rendered her unconscious was that maybe her fear wasn't so unfounded after all.

-----------

Spike groaned as pain flared in his chest. What was it with that crazy hellbitch and putting bloody great holes in his body? He was waking up far too often lately in too much pain and afraid he might have pieces missing. Still, he was waking up, so that meant he wasn't dead. Unless he was in Hell, which was actually a plausible possibility.

He opened his eyes slowly, almost afraid to find out where he really was. He sighed in relief when his mind registered familiar surroundings. The Slayer's mum's room. His room now, really. Not that he'd spent much time in there recently, but that was a happy memory for another time.

Now, Spike just wanted to know how he got back there. There wasn't anyone else in the room with him, and he had to fight down a sudden panic that rose in his chest when he thought of Buffy. Where was she? Was she just downstairs, or did something happen to her? What about the 'bit? If Glory had managed to get her… No, that hadn't happened. The world was still around.

Spike's thoughts were so filled with dread that he forced himself to move. Pushing away the pain he rolled off the bed onto his feet, and for the first time took a good look down at himself. His chest was covered in bandages, but they were soaked with blood. Considering that vampires didn't normally bleed profusely, Spike could tell the wound on his chest was very serious. The amount of pain he was in leant towards that impression as well, but he'd learned to deal with pain. It could be shut out when necessary.

He walked slowly over to the closet and got out a clean shirt. His one from earlier that night was nowhere to be seen, and he could assume it was probably in no shape ever to be worn again. If he kept being beat up like this he was going to have to go shopping.

Bloody hell.

Hearing voices outside his room, Spike quickly buttoned up his shirt and opened the door to find Giles and Xander arguing quietly. They both turned to him when they heard the door open, and Spike thought they both looked slightly surprised.

"Hey mates," he said, "What's doing?"

Giles gathered himself together a little more quickly than Xander. "Spike. You're, uh… up."

Spike smirked slightly, but Xander jumped in before he could say anything. "Evil dead. Awake. Good. Think you're up to running without your heart falling out?"

"Xander!" snapped Giles.

"Kiddies," said Spike slowly, "What's going on?"

Giles sighed and indicated to Xander that he was free to talk. "We brought you back here after Glory nearly dusted your ass. Buffy thought she'd convinced that creepy old guy that you were the Key, but now she's worried that he's worked out it's really…" he trailed off as Spike bolted down the stairs and out the front door.

------------

Crouched in a tree, Buffy scanned the campus grounds. There wasn't a demon to be seen, and considering that the place had been crawling with them earlier, she was fairly certain it was a bad sign. She wasn't sure if Will had gotten Dawn out, but she just knew that they weren't in there any more.

If Doc had taken Dawn, there was only one place he would be. One place, one time for the ritual. Buffy checked her watch. Twenty minutes, and it was going to take her at least ten to get back to the construction site.

She dropped from the tree and started running. If he hurt Dawn… oh, Doc was _so_ going to pay for making her run all the way across town lugging enough weaponry to outfit an army. Buffy was just hoping she'd get a chance to use all of it.

------------

When Dawn came to she was lying on a concrete floor. She could hear the sounds of hammering and sawing coming from somewhere close by, but other than the noise, she was alone. She looked around to see if she could determine where she was, but the room was bare except for some wooden crates and a table shoved against one wall.

She got up and moved quietly to the door. It was locked, but she had expected that. She tried to peek through the crack between the door and the frame, but it was too thin to see anything. And there weren't any windows, either, and she needed to find a way out of there.

Moving over to inspect the table, Dawn rooted through the drawers, hoping to find something, anything, that she could use as a weapon. No such luck. Torn pieces of old paper, a snapped in half pen, and a hairbrush.

Dawn briefly considered trying to pull a slat out of one of the crates, but even if she had enough strength for it, it probably wouldn't do her any good. She didn't have time anyway, since someone was unlocking the door. She quickly jumped up onto the table, pulling her legs underneath her and trying to look like she didn't know what was going on.

Completely oblivious. Ignorant. If she didn't _know_ she was the Key, then she wasn't the Key. Logic? Who needs it?

The door opened and Doc walked in. It took Dawn a moment to recognise him, then her eyes widened in surprise as it clicked.

"You… you can help me," she said. "Please, help me get out of here."

Doc gave her a small smile, and Dawn's heart sank. She just knew that this guy wasn't of the good. He'd just seemed so _nice_ before. And Spike had taken her to see him, so… damn, why did everyone have to be evil?

Dawn steeled herself, and prayed that her voice would be steady. "Where's Glory?"

Doc's smile didn't change. "Well, she got a little… blown away by the turn of events."

"She's dead?" 

Oh god, please please please please please…

Doc shook his head. "I wouldn't think so. Not unless your sister actually had the guts to kill her human host. But she's definitely indisposed."

"So why…"

"Why did I bring you here? What do I want with the Key? My own reasons, and strangely, not ones I'd care to share." His tone was so even, measured. It was starting to get creepy.

"You know my sister's going to stop you," Dawn said, trying to sound confident.

"The Slayer? No, I don't think she will. It would be interesting, but it is unlikely. After all, she believes that she's convinced me that the Key is really that vampire you were with when I first met you."

"Spike?"

Doc nodded. "Spike. Yes. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that she'll have a hard time finding him. Unless she's looking for dust."

"Dust… you mean… no, that's not…" Dawn forced herself not to cry. Spike wasn't dead, he was alive. Well, okay, not actually, but he wasn't _dead_ dead. Nope, no way. Doc was wrong. Buffy would never have let Spike be staked.

Doc smiled again. "Don't worry about it, kid. Think of it this way. The world's about to end, and your vampire friend would have suffered torment and agony for all eternity. Now, he's just dead. It's really a blessing."

He paused, and looked at his watch. His eyes flashed black as he looked up at her. "Well, would you look at that. Time's up."

-----------

Buffy stood at the edge of the construction site. Nothing had changed drastically since she was there earlier, but she had only minutes before the ritual was meant to start. She had to find Doc before he laid a finger on Dawn. Once the ritual started, once Dawn started to bleed, there was no stopping it. Giles had been very adamant that she made sure the ritual was never started. The only way to stop it… she refused to think about it.

Kill Dawn.

Okay, so she was going to think about it. It was kind of hard not to. It's not like she would ever actually _do_ it, but she just couldn't get the image out of her mind. Dawn dying… it was Buffy's worst nightmare come to life. She's let the whole world go to hell before she killed her sister.

Giles had told her what she hadn't wanted to hear. He hadn't liked it, but it was his job. He'd sworn to protect this world, like she had done, but Dawn wasn't _his_ sister. Dawn wasn't created from _his_ blood. Dawn was hers. And she wasn't going to let her die.

Her eyes swept over the construction site, trying to work out where the ritual would take place. She turned her gaze upwards, and she was able to make out a platform high up in the darkness.

Considering it a fairly safe assumption that the ritual would occur up on that platform, Buffy ran into the building surrounding the tower. The stairs in that massive tower were the only way up, and she wasn't going to let anyone get in her way.

-----------

Spike staggered into the construction site. This was the only place he could think to come, and he hoped he was right. Ritual was meant to be here, so if Doc had the Nibblet, then she'd be here too. The Slayer should be around somewhere as well, she was smart enough to work this out.

He stopped for a moment, his senses alert, trying to ignore the pain that had steadily worsened as he ran from Buffy's house. There was something… there! Buffy's scent. She'd been here just a few moments ago. He looked towards the large tower at the centre of the site, the darkness not hampering his enhanced vision.

There was someone moving up there. He couldn't see who, but he could guess. It was about to start, he hadn't been fast enough. There was no way he could get up there in time.

He just prayed that Buffy could.

-----------

This high, the wind was freezing. Then again, maybe that was just the fear. And the fear? Well, that could have something to do with the crazy demon guy standing in front of her holding a big-ass knife.

And the fact that she couldn't do anything about it wasn't helping. Dawn whimpered as Doc took a step towards her. The platform she was standing on ended about a foot behind her, but she couldn't move to jump off. Her wrists were tied to two poles sticking up from the edge of the platform, and she had very little room to move. She'd tried to fight when he tied her up, but for a guy that looked harmless, Doc was really strong.

Dawn closed her eyes as Doc moved closer. She wished she had been able to kill herself when she'd tried. She was going to die now anyway, but if she'd done it before, she wouldn't be causing the end of the world. If she could just get free to jump…but the ropes were too thick, the knots too tight, and she wasn't Buffy.

Buffy… why hadn't she come? Or Spike. But Doc said Spike was dead. Was Buffy so upset over Spike that she hadn't realised what was going on? How would she have known, anyway? Willow and Tara were meant to have taken her somewhere. How would Buffy even know that she had been taken?

Dawn couldn't stop a tear falling as she realised that nobody knew where she was or what was about to happen. It was hopeless. Finally, after all the fighting, after every time Buffy and her friends had battled the forces of evil to save the world, this was how it ended. The Slayer's sister. Bleeding on a platform a quarter of a mile high, opening a portal to destroy dimensions.

Damn. This sucked.

She felt the knife cut through her shirt, then slashing her shallowly across the belly. She cried out in pain, and only a few seconds later Doc made another cut. Dawn bit her lip to try and distract from the pain, and waited for the knife to return again.

It didn't come right away, and Dawn couldn't stand it. She opened her eyes, wondering why she couldn't just die already. The sooner she died the better, apparently. Doc was standing with his back to her, and it was only after he shifted a little that she noticed that there was someone else with them on the platform.

-----------

Buffy stood stock still, temporarily stunned. Had she made it in time? There were no big multi-dimensional portals around, and Dawn was alive. She couldn't tell if she'd been hurt or not. She glared at Doc. If he'd hurt her… well, she was going to kill him anyway, but she'd make it a lot more painful.

He smiled, and Buffy's anger took control. She strode forward, covering the distance between them in three large steps. He opened his mouth to speak, but he never got the chance. Buffy threw a punch that connected with his head, swept his legs out from under him, grabbed his shirt, and threw him from the platform with as much strength as she could muster.

Dawn cried out with relief as Buffy broke the ropes restraining her. As Buffy helped her away from the edge, neither girl noticed a few drops of blood drip down Dawn's feet, falling through the metal mesh of the platform. They were almost to the stairs when they heard the noise, like someone ripping fabric.

Buffy froze. Her eyes darted to Dawn, and for the first time she realised that she was bleeding. In one moment, her world was shattered. The portals had been opened. Doc had hurt Dawn, and there was only one way to save the world.

No. She wouldn't kill Dawn. That wasn't a way.

Apparently, Dawn didn't seem to think so. Her attention was focused on the rapidly widening portal, and as she looked over to Buffy she made her decision. Doc had been very forthcoming on the nature of the portal, for some reason. He was probably just one of those guys that liked to hear themselves talk. So the portal needed her blood to close? Well, she'd opened it, so it was only fair.

She had to do this quickly, or she'd lose her nerve. She took a moment to examine her sister's face. There was something… Buffy was trying to work it out. Dawn tore her gaze away. She had to do this now, before Buffy stopped her.

Buffy's eyes widened as Dawn tried to leap past her. She reacted without thinking, catching her, and holding her arms to her side. "Dawn, what are you doing?" her voice was filled with panic.

"Buffy, I have to. Please."

Buffy shook her head. "No. No, you don't. There has to be another way."

"There isn't, Buffy." Dawn pleaded. "Look at what's happening. Doc said it wouldn't close until I was dead. My blood opens it, my blood closes it. This is the way it has to be."

Buffy shook her head again, refusing to accept it. There was another way, there had to be. She racked her brain, searching. A memory surfaced, and she grabbed onto it, desperate for another solution.

"It's Summers blood. It's just like mine."

"She's me," Buffy whispered. "She's me."

"Who is?"

"Dawn. She's me. The monks made her out of me. My blood. If her blood can open the portal, and her blood is my blood…"

Buffy closed her eyes as realisation sunk in. There was another way, and she was it. Dawn's blood was her blood, and either would be enough to close the portal. It was her, Dawn, or the world, and it definitely wasn't going to be Dawn. Letting the world go to hell wasn't really an option either, so that really just left her.

What a drag.

She opened her eyes again, and gave Dawn a weak smile. "I'm not going to let you die, okay? It doesn't have to be you."

It took Dawn a moment to realise what Buffy was saying. Her eyes widened in shock and fear. "No, Buffy… you can't…"

"I have to. It's the only way."

"No…" Dawn choked as a silent sob racked her body.

Buffy put her hand over Dawn's mouth, silencing her. "Dawnie, listen to me. There isn't much time," she took a deep breath. "I love you. I've lived longer than a Slayer should, but you've only just been given your life. You deserve a chance to live it. I've done my time, and I'm okay with it. Tell Giles that, and tell him not to worry, or be sad, because I'm doing this for the people I love. Tell my friends… I don't know. Make up something cool, tell them I said it," that seemed appropriate, for some reason, "And tell Spike… tell Spike that I love him, and that I'm not afraid any more."

Tears ran freely down Dawn's face. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't. She held a ragged breath as Buffy leant over and kissed her goodbye. This wasn't real, this wasn't real… Buffy took a step back from her, her eyes conveying the depth of love in her soul. 

With a final glance, Buffy turned her back to Dawn and began to run. Her foot hit the edge of the platform and she dived, her arms spread wide. Dawn was afraid to watch, but she couldn't turn away. Her sister was about to die… was killing herself to save the world.

This wasn't right, things shouldn't end like this.

Suddenly something rushed past her, and after a shocked moment, she realised it wasn't going to.

****

End Chapter 19

__

It's not going to end like The Gift_, I swear it's not. I do have an original thought somewhere in my head. At least, I _think_ it's original. I was kind of hoping to make this the last chapter, but then that original thought came out and slapped me over the head while I wasn't paying attention._


	20. Sacrifices

__

All right, so I lied. Don't get it? You'll see.

****

Chapter 20: Sacrifices

Buffy closed her eyes as she dived, unable to stand looking at the portal that could destroy her world if she didn't stop it. She waited, expecting pain to rip through her any second, tearing her apart.

It never came.

After a moment, Buffy opened her eyes. Why hadn't it ended yet? Was she dead already? The sight that met her eyes told her not. She was suspended somehow, hanging above the portal.

Okay, this was _so_ not fair.

Here she was, doing the right thing, saving her sister's life and the world in the bargain, and what happens? She needed to fall. If that portal didn't close soon, the damage could be irreparable. She watched as something that looked suspiciously like a dragon burst out of the vortex.

Buffy's mind wasn't functioning at full speed. It had shut down when she jumped, an instinctive reflex so she wouldn't have to witness her own death. Now, the wheels were starting to spin again, and she suddenly wondered why it was that she wasn't falling.

Finally, her body responded to the prodding of her mind. Her senses picked up again, and she realised that there was something gripping her ankle. She looked up, and her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Spike's face.

He was hanging from the platform, his feet hooked around the edge. His hand had a crushing grip on her ankle, and his face was distorted with pain. She remembered the wound in his chest, wondered how the hell he was able to even move.

What did he think he was doing? He had to let go. She looked past Spike and saw Dawn, tears streaming down her face. It broke Buffy's heart to see that. Dawn wasn't meant to cry. She had jumped so Dawn could have a happy life. So Dawn could have a life, really, but it would be better if it was a good one.

But Dawn wasn't going to get anything if Spike refused to let go.

Buffy finally remembered how to use her mouth. "Spike," she yelled, "What the hell are you doing? Let me go!"

"Sod that," replied Spike through gritted teeth. "I'm not going to let you die."

Anger rushed through Buffy. "And you'd rather it was Dawn? It has to be one of us Spike, and I'm not letting it be her."

Spike didn't reply. Buffy watched as he closed his eyes, and after a moment, every sign of pain left his face. Suddenly he moved, pulling her up with more strength than she had ever credited to him. Before she could react, or struggle, she was lying with her back on the platform staring up at a sky that was being twisted and torn by the power of the vortex.

Gathering her wits about her, Buffy stood and looked at Spike. He was on his knees in front of her, clutching his chest and trying not to groan with pain. Somehow, he'd pushed it back for a few seconds. Buffy grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and made him stand.

"What do you think you're doing? I have to do this Spike."

Spike flinched at the anger in her voice, but he made himself stand firm. "I'm not going to let you die, Slayer."

Buffy slapped him, but then couldn't restrain herself any longer. Her voice cracked, and tears started to fall. "Spike, please. Don't make this harder than it already is. I love you, okay? Just remember that. But Dawn… I have to. I'm prepared to die for her."

Spike locked his gaze with hers. "So am I."

Buffy's eyes widened. Spike… no, he couldn't. It couldn't be him. "Spike, no! It won't do any good. It has to be me."

Spike shook his head. "No it doesn't. It has to be your blood, but you don't have to die."

Buffy froze. "No…" she whispered. She looked over Spike's shoulder at Dawn, who was crying freely. There were some things that were worth dying for, and she was one of them. Buffy looked at Spike again. He was another. "I don't want you to die, Spike."

"Better me than you, luv," he replied.

Buffy shook her head. "I said I was prepared to die for Dawn. Well, guess what. You're a part of this world that deserves to be saved. I want to do that for you."

Spike was speechless. Of all the arguments he had been prepared for, he hadn't expected that one. Buffy had just admitted that she loved him, then told him she was prepared to die for him. He'd never thought he'd ever hear that, and he wasn't sure that he really wanted to. It would be easier if Buffy still hated him, thought it was better to let him die in her place.

Love was meant to be a good thing. So why was it that it always made everything harder?

Spike sighed. He had to do this. The world needed Buffy more than it needed him. It had never needed him. She had people who loved her, who relied on her. He had nothing _but_ her, and he'd do anything to make sure she continued to live.

Spike started out of his thoughts when he felt a hand clasp his. He turned his head and saw Dawn looking at him, her face filled with pain and her eyes overflowing with sorrow. So he did have someone other than Buffy. He gave her a weak smile, but she couldn't return it. She was someone else in this world that wanted him to stay. But it wasn't enough.

Of the three people on that tower, who deserved to die the most?

It was a strange question, and one that didn't even need to be answered. None of them really deserved to die. Spike may have done bad things in the past, but he was atoning, and that was the only way to make it right. Dawn's blood had opened the portal, and she'd only been human for about a year. So what? She was human now, and she had had no choice about what she was. She didn't deserve to die for things out of her control.

And then there was Buffy. If she'd killed Dawn when she found out that that was the way to end it all, then this wouldn't be happening. But how could she do that? Who could blame her for wanting to save the one person in the world that she needed to keep herself anchored to reality? She'd lived longer than any Slayer should, saved the world more times than he could count, and faced more evil than he had known existed.

Why should any of them have to die?

Spike cursed under his breath. There was no reason to the world, and if there was, it was bloody twisted. There was one way to save the world, and the world didn't care who did it. Most of the world wouldn't even know.

Spike raised his head to look Buffy in the eyes. "I'm doing this, luv."

"I'll stop you. I won't let you drink from me," she challenged him. "What then? We have to close it."

Spike smiled, but there was no humour in it. "The Nibblet needs you, pet. You'd just leave her like this when there's another way?"

Dawn scowled. They were talking like she had no place in this. It had been _her_ blood that had caused this. Looking at Spike and her sister debating about who got to die to save her, she raged at the unfairness of it all. Ordinarily, she would be thrilled to have two people who loved her this much, but now it was just tearing her apart. She could step in and break up their fight, and simply tell them which one of them should jump. But how could she do that? She would be telling someone she loved to kill themselves, and she would feel like she'd killed them herself.

They had no right to do this to her. She knew that someone was going to have to die, and she couldn't stand to think of it being Buffy or Spike. They both had so much to live for. They were so powerful, and the world needed them. And they loved each other so much. She could see it just looking at them, and she couldn't deny them the chance to finally find happiness with someone.

Dawn knew that both Buffy and Spike had been hurt by people in the past. Spike had loved Drusilla, but she had left him, and he'd come back to Sunnydale a broken man. Buffy had loved Angel, but he'd turned evil and she'd had to kill him. Losing him had hurt her so badly she'd run away for months, unable to deal with the pain. Then he'd come back, and hurt her all over again. Add Riley leaving her into the bargain, and it all added up to an emotionally closed off Buffy.

Spike had helped her open up. He'd given her love unconditionally. It had freaked her out at first, but he'd changed so much because he loved her. And now they had a chance together, and they were about to ruin it all by killing themselves for her.

Well, screw that.

The portal had gathered enough energy to stretch itself to almost ten times the size it had been when it first opened. She could see the blue pulsating light through the gaps in the metal beneath her feet. She didn't have to reach the end of the platform to jump any more, and it would be over before Buffy and Spike realised what was going on.

They wouldn't notice until it was too late.

Taking a deep breath, Dawn risked one last look at them.

Big mistake.

Buffy was looking over Spike's shoulder, directly at her. She immediately saw the intention in Dawn's eyes and gasped, causing Spike to spin around. Before they could move to stop her, Dawn steeled her nerve and moved to jump.

"Dawn no!" cried Buffy, as she reached out an arm to try and catch Dawn before she fell.

Spike reacted differently. Hearing Buffy's gasp he spun around, only to see Dawn shift herself and dive off the platform. Without thinking he leapt after her. His hand closed around her ankle, and he thought for a moment that it might not be too late. Maybe he'd caught her in time.

Since when did he ever have good luck?

He swore as his foot missed catching the edge of the platform. He'd fallen too far, and there was no way back up. There was only one thing left he could do. Keeping a firm grip on her ankle, Spike pulled himself down so he was face to face with her. Her eyes were closed, and he wondered if she even knew if he was there.

He hugged her close to him, and her eyes opened in surprise. She opened her mouth to say something, but the wind from the speed of their descent tore the words away. There was no time for words, anyway. They would fall into the vortex any second now, and it was time for one last, desperate effort.

Spike kissed her on the cheek, and grabbed her hair and pulled it back from her neck. It might be too late for this, but he'd be damned if he didn't give it a shot. Without another thought, he vamped out and sank his fangs into her neck.

Dawn gasped as he punctured the skin on her neck. She tried to push him off but before she could move, everything went white, and the world disappeared.

---------------

Buffy watched in horror as Spike dived after Dawn. After a moment's shocked hesitation she moved to catch him, but it was too late. Her outstretched hand missed his leg by inches, and it was all she could do to stop herself from jumping off after them in desperation.

From her position directly above the vortex, she could clearly see Spike and Dawn's figures silhouetted by the pulsating blue light below them. She watched, her body numb and her mind shut down, as Spike pulled Dawn to him and hugged her close.

It was the last she saw of them before they vanished into the light.

She stood, frozen, staring at the place where they disappeared. It seemed like it took forever, but slowly the vortex began to contract on itself. It shrank rapidly, the force of its light dimming as it got smaller. Noise registered in her mind as the final vestiges of the portal disappeared, but she didn't move.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the last place she'd seen them. Images flashed through her mind, memories of them both, about them both.

"Come here, Buffy. This is your new baby sister."

"Can I take care of her?"

Nice job she did.

"Nice work, luv."

"Who are you?"

"You'll find out on Saturday"

"What happens on Saturday?"

"I kill you."

It would have been easier.

"Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood pumping inside you and forcing you to work its will"

That's the truth.

"Who are you?"

"Buffy, you're hurting me."

"You're not my sister."

She was. Maybe not originally, but she was real.

"Not like he'd notice me anyway. Spike's totally into you."

Took her long enough to notice. Too long.

"What is this? The flask, the door - is this a date?"

"No! A date… hah! Bloody… do you want it to be?"

She handled that revelation well.

"Do you think I don't know that? This thing, with you. It's wrong, I know it. Do you think I like having you up here? Eating me up from the inside until there's nothing there and all that's left is you?"

There was nothing wrong with them. They could have been perfect, but the world screwed her over again.

"A vampire does have certain restrictions when it comes to feelings, since most of what we feel is taken over by the need to hunt. I don't have that any more, and everything I can feel now is taken up by you and the Nibblet. I don't have anything left, but I've given you more than I ever thought I had in me.

"I'm still a monster, but I'm the right kind of monster for you."

The force of the memories overwhelmed her. Buffy felt her legs go out from underneath her and dimly realised that she was sitting on the platform at the top of the tower. She knew she should move, but she couldn't find the energy to care. Her eyes lost focus and she stared into nothing, letting herself drown in what she wanted to remember.

-----------

Giles and Xander cautiously approached the construction site. They'd left Buffy's house almost immediately after Spike, but they couldn't move as fast as him, even injured as he was. They would have taken Giles' car, but it was back at his place and it would have taken longer to go back for it.

They'd been about a minute away when the vortex had opened. The sky had lit up, and blasts of… something… had been causing havoc all over the place. Something like lightning had almost hit them, creating an enormous hole in the ground about twenty feet from where they had been standing.

And that hadn't been the worst of it.

But just when they'd thought it was going to end, that all their fighting had been for nothing, it had all stopped. The sudden silence had been deafening, and neither man could stop the chill that raced through them. The portal could only be closed by Dawn's blood, by her dying…

That thought had made them move again. Running as fast as they could to the construction site, ignoring all the horrible things they saw along the way. Damage control would come later. At that moment, their priorities were elsewhere.

Now that they were this close, they were afraid to take that final step. Neither Giles or Xander could stand the thought of finding Dawn's body, and Buffy and Spike should have been around somewhere as well. It was hard to image that they would have let the vortex be opened if they were still alive to fight it.

They rounded the final corner and prayed that it wouldn't be as bad as they were thinking.

It wasn't.

Not at first, anyway. Looking around, Xander couldn't find any trace of anyone. Anyone he knew, that is. Picking his way carefully through the rubble he saw more dead men and women than he could count. People that had no place being there. He could only assume that they were some of the poor people Glory had turned insane, people he'd seen earlier in the night, working on the tower.

Still, he couldn't find any trace of Buffy, Dawn or Spike. But there was a lot of dust, and if Spike was dead he could be any of it. Xander cursed himself for the thought. Spike had grown on him recently, and they'd become friends of sorts. Callous thoughts about finding Spike dust _really_ weren't appropriate.

Xander focused his thoughts when he heard Giles yelling at him. "What?"

Giles pointed, and Xander lifted his eyes to the top of the tower. He couldn't see if there was anyone up there, but checking was better than sifting through the rubble on the ground and finding more of Glory's brainsuck victims.

Halfway up the stairs, Xander was regretting his choice. This tower was damn high, and he was probably just going to have to go back down and help again anyway. Still, he kept climbing, hoping he might find someone.

When he reached the top of the tower, Xander almost collapsed with relief. Buffy was sitting on the metal walkway protruding from the tower. He was so happy to find her alive that at first he didn't notice that she hadn't even looked at him.

He dropped down beside her and pulled her into a hug. She didn't resist, but it was when she didn't say anything or react in any way that he noticed that something wasn't right. He pulled back a little so he could see her face.

"Buff?" he gave her a little shake. "Buffy, you in there?"

He got no reaction from her, and it was starting to scare him. Something really bad must have happened to get her this way, and he had no idea what to do. The only thing he could think of was that he had to get her off this tower. Thankful that she was so small, he picked her up and started back down the stairs.

-----------

Giles watched as Xander started his way up the tower He didn't want to go back to searching the rubble, but someone had to do it. There was no way he could live with himself if there was someone still alive buried somewhere and he didn't even try to find them.

He had to look. He had no idea if Buffy and Spike were still alive, but he had little hope of finding Dawn. She'd obviously been here before, since the vortex had been opened, but it closed, which meant… he didn't want to think about it.

The only thing for it was to keep searching. He picked his way through, trying not to think about the numbers of dead he'd seen. It was far too many, and it pained him that they'd never tried to find a way to cure Glory's victims.

His thoughts had wandered as he moved closer to the base of the tower. Too many people that they hadn't been able to save. Too many people dead because they'd refused to give up what Glory wanted. The portal had opened anyway. Would it have been more right? One life in exchange for so many?

Giles couldn't answer the question morally, but he knew what he felt. He would do anything to keep Buffy and Dawn safe, no matter what the cost.

The cost.

The cost was all around him.

And all he was looking for was them. He didn't even see the faces of the dead around him now. A quick glance, then he moved on. It may have been cold, but he could weep for the dead or fight for the living, and he'd learnt the lesson long ago that he had to fight.

He was almost at the base of the tower when he saw something that almost made his heart stop. Two bodies lying atop a pile of bricks, one on the other. Were they… he forced himself to move. He had to see if it was…

It was.

It was one of the most heart-wrenching things he'd ever seen. Spike and Dawn… Spike was on his back, his arms flung wide and his head hung back. His eyes were closed, and dried blood ran from his mouth. Dawn was lying face down on Spike, her arms curled close and her hear spread everywhere.

Giles couldn't tell if they were alive. If Spike died, he should have turned to dust, but Giles had been wondering lately if that would actually happen given his unique situation. But Dawn… he was almost afraid to find out.

Still, he had to know. If she was alive, she could be hurt, and in danger of dying every minute he stood there hesitating. It was this thought that forced him to move, but his steps were still reluctant as he came closer.

He was about three feet away when he though he saw Dawn's chest move. He was at her side in an instant, pulling her hair back to check for a pulse. What he saw shocked him to the core. Dawn's neck was covered in blood, and he could see two small puncture holes. He'd lived too long on the Hellmouth not to know exactly what that meant.

The problem was how it happened. There was blood around Spike's mouth, but he was meant to be on their side now. Why would he have bitten Dawn? He said he didn't even like human blood any more. And if he had fed off Dawn, why was he unconscious (or dead) at the bottom of the tower, with Buffy nowhere in sight? It didn't make any sense.

Giles put the question out of his head for the time being. It could be dealt with later, but the important thing now was to find out of Dawn was still alive. Gingerly avoiding the would and blood Giles pressed his fingers into Dawn's neck, searching for a pulse.

Nothing.

No, wait. There… it was weak, but it had fluttered under his fingers. It came again, and Giles heaved a sigh of relief. She was alive, but apparently she'd lost a lot of blood. He had to get her to a hospital.

Apart from the blood, he couldn't see any other wounds on her. Giles was about to bend down to pick her up when he heard Xander calling him. He looked up, and for the second time in less than a minute, he felt like his heart would stop. Xander was cradling a body in his arms, and Giles could tell instantly that it was Buffy.

He didn't move an inch as he watched Xander walk over to him. The boy didn't seem grief-stricken, so maybe that was a good sign. Or he could just be in shock.

Xander seemed to see the dread in Giles' eyes. He shook his head. "She's not dead. But… there's something wrong with her," his voice cracked. "I can't get her to answer me. It's like she doesn't even know I'm here."

Giles opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find anything to say. Belatedly, Xander noticed the two figures lying at his feet. He sat Buffy down, laying her out gently. Her eyes stared straight up at the sky, and he couldn't stand looking at her any more. He turned his gaze to Dawn and Spike, but found the sight to be just as unsettling.

"Are they…" he asked, unable to finish.

Giles shook his head. "I don't know about Spike, but Dawn's alive. She's lost a lot of blood, we need to get her to a hospital as soon as possible."

Xander was confused, but he didn't mention his questions about Spike. Now wasn't the time. "I'll go call an ambulance. You'll stay here?"

Giles nodded, and Xander headed out of the construction site at a run. When he was gone, Giles turned his attention to Buffy. He knelt down next to her, and waved a hand in front of her eyes. She didn't blink, and he moved his hand away. Something had caused her to shut down, and nothing was going to get through to her.

Taking her hand in his, he sat down beside her and waited for help to arrive.

****

End Chapter 20

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Okay, so it's another chapter that's not the last one. Next one is though, I swear.


	21. Fighting Fear

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It's the end of the road… and I think I just hit something.

****

Chapter 21: Fighting Fear

Hospitals. Possibly the least comforting places on earth. Hey, someone you love might be dying, so let's stick you in a room that makes you forget what exactly it is about the world that's worth living for.

Okay, so that might be a bit cynical, but Xander hated hospitals. He'd had to wait, not knowing, far too often. Buffy, Willow, Cordy, Anya, Tara, Buffy's mom… and the list went on. Mostly with Buffy's name repeated about fifty times.

Hospitals just made him edgy.

Which is why he was standing at the coffee machine searching for change. Nothing like a good dose of caffeine to take away the edgy and tense you up about three times over. Plus, Giles was doing that whole 'ruin a perfectly good cultural stereotype' thing again. There was no way he was going to miss the look on the Watcher's face when he drank coffee. The situation at the moment might be grave, but that expression wasn't one you saw every day.

Unfortunately, all he could come up with was a quarter. No coffee then. But it was enough for a phone call. It was long past time he called Buffy's place to let Anya know what was going on. He needed her to look for Willow and Tara, too. Dawn had been with them, but now they were nowhere to be found. He prayed they were all right. He'd had too many friends hurt that night.

He made the phone call, and got some relieving information. The witches had shown up at Buffy's house about ten minutes ago, slightly disoriented and out of their minds with worry, but otherwise okay. Anya had assured him that they'd be at the hospital as soon as possible.

Xander returned to where Giles was sitting to pass on the information. He just nodded, and went back to staring at his hands. Xander sat down beside him, and did his best to be comforting.

"You couldn't have done anything more," he began. "Glory's been stopped, and nobody's dead. We got beat up a bit, but hopefully everyone will be okay."

Giles looked up at him. "But we don't know. The doctor just told me that Buffy won't respond to anything, and apart from the bite, Dawn had two shallow knife cuts over her stomach. She still may not survive. She lost so much blood…"

Xander sighed. "And we're thinking that Spike did it?"

Giles shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe, but I can't understand why. Spike had been doing everything he could to help us. Why would he turn on Dawn like that?"

Xander shrugged. "Look, I know I'm usually 'miss the completely obvious' guy, so I wouldn't normally pick up on the subtlety behind something, but maybe Spike was trying to help." Giles looked at him in surprise, and Xander raised his hands defensively. "I know, I know. I'm not a big fan of Spike's, but you said he was hurt. Like, badly."

Giles took off his glasses and got out a cloth to wipe them. He'd taken Spike to the magic shop, ignoring the impulse that told him to leave him at the base of that tower. He couldn't be taken to the hospital, so Giles had checked Spike over himself. And from what he could tell, Spike had probably broken almost every major bone in his body. That led Giles to believe that he'd fallen off the tower, and by the way Dawn was curled up on top of him she'd probably fallen with him, and he'd prevented her death by taking the force of the impact himself.

But that then led him to question why they had both fallen, or jumped, off the tower. And Buffy had been up there with them. It didn't make sense. There were too many pieces, and none of them fit together.

Actually, they probably did, but he was too tired to think about it. It had been a long night, and he was too worried about Buffy and Dawn to bother with details at the moment. He rested his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Xander didn't notice that Giles hadn't responded. He was too busy with his own thoughts. He was still sore from being beaten around earlier that evening, but he ignored it. All he wanted was for a doctor to come out and tell him that Dawn was going to pull through. Normally, he wouldn't be worried. After all, she did have Slayer blood in her. At least, she did before Spike drank it all.

He looked up when someone sat down beside him and put an arm around his shoulders. He smiled slightly when he saw it was Anya, and then turned his head to see Willow and Tara. They looked like their eyes were having a bit of trouble adjusting to the light, but he shrugged it off. As long as they weren't hurt.

"Do you know if…" Willow began, but Xander shook his head.

"We're still waiting. Dawn needs a lot of blood, and Buffy's… well, we don't know what's wrong with Buffy."

"What do you mean?"

Xander sighed. "She's not hurt. She's just… I found her sitting at the top of that tower, staring into nothing. She hasn't responded to anything. It's like she just decided to ignore the fact that she's alive or something. The doctors are doing everything they can think of, but nothing's getting through."

Willow looked stricken, and Tara pulled her into a hug. Anya did the same for Xander, for once knowing that it wasn't a good time to say anything. Giles still had his head back and his eyes closed, and Xander wondered briefly if he'd even noticed that the others had arrived.

They sat together without saying anything until a doctor arrived. He smiled at them when they all looked at him, desperate for news. Everyone moved to stand, but Giles was on his feet first, and he waved everybody else back down.

"Are they okay?" he asked.

The doctor nodded slightly. "The younger girl, Dawn, will be fine. She lost a lot of blood, but her wounds weren't too serious. We've patched her up and given her a transfusion, and she'll be moved out of Emergency as soon as possible."

The group sighed with relief. "What about Buffy?" pressed Giles.

The doctor pursed his lips. "We don't know, I'm sorry. Physically, there's nothing wrong with her. My best guess is that something traumatising must have happened to her. Occasionally, when people can't deal with things any more, they shut themselves in their own minds. I think the best thing for her is for you to take her home, and keep her in familiar surroundings with people she knows."

"That's all?" exclaimed Willow in disbelief. "You can't do anything?"

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I think it's really up to her."

"Can we see Dawn?" asked Xander.

"When she's moved out of Emergency," replied the doctor. "But you can take Buffy home whenever you're ready."

After the doctor was out of earshot, everyone started talking at once. Giles silenced them all with a wave of his hand. "I know you all want to see Dawn and Buffy, but there are other things that we have to do now that we know they're all right. Willow, Tara, I need you to go back to the magic shop and take care of Spike."

Willow tried to interrupt, but subsided when Giles glared at her. "Spike was hurt, badly. I don't know what really happened tonight, but he fell quite a distance. Right now, you need to help him. We can determine later whether he's still on our side."

"On our side…" asked Willow, confused. Apparently they'd missed quite a bit. "Okay, Giles. We can do that. Should we take Buffy with us?"

Giles thought for a moment. "That might be a good idea. Better than leaving her in here any longer. Knowing her, she'll probably stay locked in her mind to avoid the hospital."

Willow smiled weakly, and her and Tara went off to take care of getting Buffy out. Giles turned to Xander and Anya. "I want you two to stay here with Dawn. She'll need someone here when she wakes up, and if she feels up to it try and get her to tell you what happened tonight. I don't want to press her, but it might be vital to helping Buffy."

Xander nodded. "No problem. What about you?"

"I'm going to look for Ben. Buffy said she'd left him at the construction site. We need to know if he's alive, and if Glory can come back."

"And if she can?"

Giles didn't answer. Xander tried to ignore the chill that swept through him as he watched Giles leave the hospital.

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Willow held the door open for Tara to push Buffy through. The hospital had given them a wheelchair for her, since there was no way they could get her out of the hospital otherwise.

Buffy still hadn't responded to anything, and having her just sit there like she was dead was really unnerving. As Tara wheeled Buffy in, Willow walked over to the table to have a look at Spike.

Giles had laid him out carefully on the table, and to Willow, he looked dead. The whole 'not breathing' thing was really creepy. Giles had mentioned that he wasn't sure if Spike was actually alive. True, he should turn to dust when he really _died_ died, but he was so close to human now that maybe he wouldn't.

Willow hoped that wasn't the case. But there was no way to tell until he woke up. Or didn't. This was _so_ confusing. They'd find out if they rammed a stake through his heart, but that wasn't really an option.

Willow sighed, and got around to examining Spike's injuries. There was a thick bandage around his chest, and it was soaked with blood. Roaming her hands over his body, she felt for broken bones or dislocations.

She wasn't a doctor, but anyone could see that Spike was seriously hurt. He had so many broken bones that his body may as well have been crushed for all the difference it would have made.

Willow moved her attention back to his chest. She carefully unwrapped the bandages, and would have passed out if not for Tara's gentle hand on her shoulder. Spike had a huge gash across his chest, and it really wasn't pleasant to look at. Willow had no idea what to do for a wound that large, so all she could do was replace the old bandages with clean ones and pray for the best.

When she was done, she moved away from Spike, unable to stand looking at him any more. She turned her attention to Buffy, hoping that maybe she could do something for her. Tara had left her sitting near the counter, and not surprisingly, she hadn't moved.

Willow moved over to her and knelt down in front of the wheelchair. "Buffy," she began, "I don't know if you can hear me, but you need to come back. Everyone's okay. Nobody died, and we need you." No response. "Please, Buffy…"

Tara knelt down next to Willow and pulled her into a hug. "I don't think that's going to help, Willow."

A tear rolled down Willow's face. "We have to do something."

"Maybe… maybe we could try a spell, or something," Tara suggested tentatively. She watched as a look of determination settled on Willow's face.

"Let's do that."

-----------

Hours later, Willow and Tara were still searching books for a spell to help Buffy. So far they'd come up blank, and Willow was beginning to get frustrated. She knew that she needed something to let her enter Buffy's mind, help her communicate, but everything they found was too dangerous. Not that she wasn't willing to take the risk for herself, but the spells they'd found could permanently damage Buffy's mind if she did something wrong.

She wasn't willing to take that chance.

Buffy may have been out of it, but she was only shut down. If they messed with her mind she might never recover. Willow slammed her book shut in frustration.

"This is useless. We're never going to find a spell to help Buffy."

Tara looked up in surprise. "You're giving up?"

"Of course not," Willow appeared shocked at the very thought. "I just can't stand not being able to help her."

Tara tried to give her a reassuring smile, but she wasn't able to make it too convincing. "We'll find something. We'll get her back."

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Dawn woke to find herself in unfamiliar surroundings. She panicked for a moment before she realised that she actually was somewhere she recognised. All too well, in her opinion. She'd spend far too long in a room exactly like this, keeping her mother company. How did she get to a hospital?

And why the hell wasn't she dead?

Not that she wanted to be, but she'd jumped. Even without the portal, and fall from that high would have killed her. And then there was the fact that the world obviously hadn't ended, so the portal must have closed, but didn't she need to be dead for that to happen?

What the hell was going on?

She felt weak, and there was a needle in her arm. Carefully shifting around so she could look at herself, she found that her midsection was covered in bandages, and so was one side of her neck. She felt a bit sore, but nothing seemed to be broken.

That didn't make any sense. She'd jumped off a damn high tower into a vortex between dimensions. If that doesn't kill you, nothing will. Hey, maybe nothing could kill her. No, that wasn't right.

She looked up when she heard the door open, and she smiled slightly as Xander and Anya walked in. When Xander saw she was awake he rushed over to hug her, but stopped himself just before touching her.

"Sorry," he said, fidgeting. "Don't want to hurt you. Happy to see you awake though. Really had us all worried for a while there." Anya just nodded, and Dawn was oddly grateful for being spared Anya's odd beside manner.

"Where's Buffy?" she asked. "Spike?"

Xander suddenly appeared to get really nervous. "Buffy's… well, she's alive, if that's what you're wondering."

"What's wrong with her?" panic was clear in Dawn's voice.

Xander gave her a weird sort of half-shrug. "We don't know. She's just… shut down or something. Maybe… can you tell us what happened? It might be able to help her."

Dawn nodded, a bit reluctantly. "I can do that, I guess. But first, what about Spike? Is he okay?"

Xander shrugged again. "Maybe. Will should be working on him right now. Giles said he was really hurt, like every bone in his body broken hurt, but he wasn't dust."

Dawn froze. Every bone in his… oh god. He jumped after her. She was falling, and he gabbed her and fell with her. Then something… the bandage over her neck. He bit her, he actually did it.

He saved her.

Dawn couldn't help it, she started to cry. Xander was at her side in an instant, carefully cradling her to him. "Shhh, Dawnster. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay, you'll see."

Dawn shook her head. "You don't get it. you can't…" she choked out. "He saved me. He jumped… he followed me, and he saved me."

Xander was confused. "Dawn, what happened?"

Dawn took a moment to compose herself, wiping some of the tears away. "Doc… he did the ritual, opened the portal. Buffy got there… she was too late. She threw Doc off the tower, but the portal had to be closed. My blood…" she paused, trying not to cry again. "It's her blood. We're the same. She jumped, but Spike caught her and pulled her up. She got really mad… they started fighting about who was going to get to die for me," Dawn had to stop then, and Anya handed her a box of tissues. After a minute she was able to continue. "I couldn't take it. I couldn't let them die for me, so I decided to jump before they did. But… they saw me, and Spike… he jumped off after me. We… we were falling, and" she raised a hand to her neck, "I think he bit me before we fell into the portal."

Xander swallowed, trying to find his voice. "Why?" he asked. "That's the bit I don't get."

Dawn tried to get herself under control. "It had to be my blood. I don't know what happened, but somehow it worked, and the portal must have closed."

"You don't know what happened to Buffy?"

Dawn shook her head as fresh tears started to fall. "Please. Get me out of here, I need to see her. Please."

-----------

Xander somehow managed to convince the hospital to release Dawn earlier than they wanted to. Privately, he thought she should stay there for another day or two, but he knew that she wouldn't be able to take it. And the doctor had said that she should be okay as long as she took it easy.

Dawn let out a startled cry as they entered the magic shop, and she moved as fast as she could over to Buffy. Willow and Tara looked up from where they were buried in a pile of books, and smiled when they saw Dawn.

Willow stood up and gathered Dawn into a hug. "Thank god you're okay, Dawnie. We were so worried about you."

Dawn returned the hug, but her attention remained fixed on Buffy. "What's wrong with her, Willow?"

Willow shook her head. "We're not sure, exactly. But we're working on a spell to get her back."

Dawn nodded, then looked over to where Spike was lying on the table. "What about Spike? Will he be all right?"

Willow sighed. "We don't know. He's hurt pretty badly, but he's a vampire, right? He should recover quickly once he wakes up."

Dawn studied him for a moment, then turned her attention back to Buffy. Hopefully Spike would be okay, but she couldn't do anything for him. Maybe she could do something for Buffy. She had her own theory as to why Buffy had shut down, and hopefully she could help.

After all, if she caused it, she could cure it.

"Willow," asked Dawn, "Do you mind if I take Buffy into the training room for a bit?"

Willow looked uncertain. "I don't know, Dawnie…"

"Willow please," Dawn practically begged.

"Come on Will," chipped in Xander, "I don't see how it could do any harm."

Willow sighed. "Sure. Just… yell out if you have any problems, okay?"

Dawn nodded, and pushed Buffy's wheelchair into the training room and closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure what she was going to do, but there had to be something that Buffy would respond to.

She started by talking. Telling Buffy what had happened, that she was okay, that Spike was alive. When that didn't have any effect, she pulled Buffy to her feet and grabbed her in a crushing hug. It was more for her own benefit than Buffy's, but Dawn just felt like she needed the contact.

The hug made Dawn feel slightly better, but Buffy's condition hadn't changed. Thinking for a moment, Dawn made her sit down on the floor and seated herself across from her. Taking Buffy's hands in her own, Dawn began to talk again, hoping that eventually some part of what she was saying would sink into Buffy's mind.

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Somewhere in the deep recesses of Buffy's consciousness, things were beginning to happen. Nothing noticeable to anyone on the outside, but there was activity.

Buffy watched as images from her life flashed by. She watched, remembered, but she couldn't feel. It was like she was just a bystander in her own life.

The first time she fought a vampire. She remembered being scared, terrified, but now, there was nothing. Just detachment, like it didn't matter any more. It was a pivotal turning point in her life, but nothing she had felt then seemed real any more.

Meeting Giles. She'd been running from her calling, refusing to fight. Then, she'd been scared. Afraid. Hard done by. It wasn't fair, and she had rallied against the injustice of it all.

Her friends. Horribly thrust into her world, they stood by her. Fought with her, risked their lives. She was so afraid for them.

The Master. She'd been afraid to die at first. She'd tried to run away from her destiny again, but she couldn't go far. Drawing on her courage, she'd gone to face him, knowing she would die. Had she been afraid then? She couldn't remember.

Angel. She loved him, but she was so afraid she'd get hurt. He'd loved her too, but it wasn't enough. Or maybe it was too much. She'd stopped being afraid for one night, and he'd hurt her in the worst possible way. She had destroyed him by loving him, and he set out to return the favour.

Faith. Someone she could have been. But where was the difference? Faith was always running, so afraid to deal, afraid of her own feelings. How was Faith any different to herself?

Her Mother. Losing her was too much. It hurt too deeply, was so unexpected. How had she continued to live without her?

Riley. There was less fear there. She'd never allowed herself to really feel with him, so she wouldn't get hurt. She was so afraid of getting hurt.

Spike. He'd changed because he loved her so much. He'd defied who he was simply to be with her. He had fought against her, and then finally by her side. She loved him. She knew she did, but still, she was so afraid. Scared he would leave her, like every other man in her life.

And he had.

She watched as the memory assaulted her. Spike, saving her life. Spike, telling her she wasn't allowed to die, begging her to let him do it. Spike, jumping off the tower after her sister.

Dawn. Dawn wasn't real. She wasn't meant to be. But she loved her. More than anything, she wanted to protect her. And she'd failed. She'd failed because she was afraid. Without thinking, she'd jumped off the platform. That would have ended it, but Spike caught her. He hauled her up and made her think again.

The fear set in. She should have just hit Spike and jumped again, but she couldn't. He'd made her fear what her death would do to the others. To her friends that she loved so much, to Spike, to Dawn. She was suddenly afraid to leave the world.

And she'd lost her sister for it. Dawn hadn't been afraid. Dawn had jumped off the tower to save the world, and Spike had jumped after her. The two people that she loved most in the world, dead because she was afraid.

What sort of Slayer was she? What sort of person was she that she let her friends endanger themselves night after night, that she couldn't even protect her sister from one measly Hellgod and her sycophants?

She was flawed. The Slayer within her could have been perfect, if not for the overlying layer that was her. If she hadn't been who she was, Dawn might still be alive. Other people, people she never knew but couldn't save - they could all be alive if she had been more of a Slayer.

Images of people she'd failed to save began to flash through her mind, their accusing stares ripping into her soul.

It took some time, what seemed like forever, before Buffy realised that through all the guilt washing over her she could feel again.

She wished she couldn't.

The pain jabbed at her heart as she watched as memories of fights gone wrong, people she failed to protect. Mostly, it was images of Dawn and Spike that she saw the most. They were the worst, along with the fairly regular scenes of her friends getting hurt because they loved her.

She couldn't take it. All the guilt, the pain and anguish, was searing into her soul. She raged against the walls of her prison, but she couldn't beat them down. She tried to cry out as the memory of the night on the tower flashed before her again.

Somehow, while trying to avoid the pain the scene inflicted on her, she noticed something she'd missed before.

For a moment, just a moment, she hadn't been afraid.

She _had_ been thinking before she jumped the first time. And in that moment, she remembered feeling something that she'd rarely known before.

Peace.

Something about what she had been going to do had just felt so _right_, like it was what she was meant to be doing. And she hadn't been scared. The first time, she had been scared to die. But in that moment, she hadn't been afraid. She had wanted to save Dawn, and she knew she could.

In that moment, she hadn't failed.

The memory faded, and images of the dead flashed all around her again. This time, she refused to let them hurt her. As each person paused at the front of her mind, she concentrated on the circumstances surrounding their deaths. It didn't help with the feeling that she should have saved them, but with each memory, there were pictures of people she _had_ saved, people she _hadn't_ failed.

Suddenly, noise filled Buffy's mind. At first, it was unrecognisable, but eventually she noticed it was a repeating pattern of some kind, and she concentrated harder. It sounded familiar for some reason, but still, she couldn't make it out. It seemed to be calling her, and she wanted to follow. She had to get out of this place that was torturing her.

With everything she had, Buffy latched onto the noise. It was drawing her out, and she watched in wonder as the walls of her prison melted away. She couldn't give up. She could never give up.

The walls finally disappeared entirely, and Buffy suddenly found that she could understand. The noise gradually became words, and the sound made Buffy's heart fill with hope. She concentrated, and tried to gain control of herself. She felt heavy, for some reason. Everything in front of her was blurry, but she moved something and everything swum into focus. After a moment, she realised that she wasn't trapped any more.

-----------

Dawn had lost track of what she was saying, and now found herself simply repeating the words "I'm not dead, Spike's not dead, the world didn't end". Feeling slightly stupid, she was about to stop when she noticed something happening. Buffy hadn't moved, but something about her eyes…

There was a struggle going on in there, and it was closer to the surface than before. Dawn kept talking, pleading with her voice for Buffy to wake up. After what seemed like an eternity, Buffy blinked slowly.

Dawn couldn't contain herself. From her position on the floor she leapt at Buffy, pulling her down from her sitting position until they were both lying on the floor, wrapped in a crushing hug.

Dawn smiled as Buffy slowly moved her arms up to return the hug. Her smile widened when Buffy finally spoke.

"Dawn?" she asked, as if not believing her eyes.

Dawn tightened her arms and snuggled down into Buffy's shoulder. "Hey," she whispered, then giggled.

After a moment, Buffy sat up, pulling Dawn with her. She looked around, realising for the first time that they were in the training room at the Magic Box. "Dawn? Why are we… how did we get here?"

Dawn moved herself around so she could look Buffy in the face. "We're here because you freaked out and went comatose after I jumped off the tower." Hey, it was the truth.

Buffy suddenly remembered the events of the night. "Oh, god… Dawn, how are you… I mean…" she tried to come up with something tactful.

"How am I alive?" Dawn smiled. "Spike saved me. I don't know how it worked, but I think he bit me just before we fell into the portal." She fingered the bandage at her neck.

Buffy was silent for a minute. On one hand, she was pissed that Spike had fed off Dawn, but on the other, he _had_ saved her life. But was he…

Dawn seemed to read her expression. "Spike's alive. He's just out there." She indicated to the main area of the shop. "But he's… he's really hurt. He hasn't woken up since the fall, and Willow said he's broken a lot of bones. I think he… I think he landed under me. The fall… I think he turned us around so he would hit first."

Buffy didn't say anything, and Dawn waited for it all to sink in. She suspected that Buffy had to be feeling a bit disoriented, and she knew that Buffy was probably going to get really mad at her later for doing something as stupid as jumping off that damn tower.

Finally, Buffy stood up, not letting go of her hold on Dawn. Dawn was just as happy not to move away either, and didn't complain. Without needing to speak, they headed out of the room and into the main area of the shop.

-----------

Willow looked up from the pile of spell books in front of her when she heard the door to the training room open, and she almost fell off her chair. Buffy walked out into the shop, with Dawn doing a fairly good impression of a barnacle, and everyone was speechless.

Buffy looked around, and smiled slightly at their reaction. "What? No hugs?"

Xander was the first to recover, and he got shakily to his feet. "Buff… nice to see you," he said lamely.

Buffy smiled at him. "You too, Xander." She looked over to Willow and Tara. "What's with the research? Didn't we save the world enough already?"

Willow gaped a bit at Buffy's apparent good mood, and finally found her voice. "They were… uh, we were looking for a spell. To, you know, wake you up or something. So we can stop now, I guess, since you look like you're all fine again. Why are you? Not that I'm complaining or anything, great to have you back, but how'd it happen? You were big on the comatose before Dawn dragged you away a while ago." Willow realised she was babbling, and turned to Tara. "Can you stop me when I do that?"

Tara smiled. "I think it's cute. It's good to see you're okay again Buffy."

Buffy nodded. "Thanks guys. Not meaning to belittle the welcoming committee, but where's Giles and Anya?"

"Anya went back to your place to see what she could do about the damage to your house, and maybe get it cleaned up a little," supplied Xander. "And Giles went back to the construction site to see if he could find Ben."

"Anya voluntarily decided to clean up my house?" asked Buffy, surprised.

Xander shrugged. "Mystery to me, too."

"Ben?" asked Willow.

Buffy answered. "Glory was Ben. Sharing his body or something."

Willow just nodded. "Okay, whatever. I'll get filled in later," she paused for a minute. "Buffy, I hate to be blunt, but are you ever going to acknowledge that Spike is lying unconscious on the table?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "Truthfully, I was trying not to. I think I have serious issues with dealing with things."

Xander nodded. "That you do, little miss. Running away and comas. I think someone needs therapy," he smiled to show he was joking.

Buffy laughed and punched him lightly in the arm. He didn't say anything, but from the expression on his face it hadn't really been that light. Dawn smiled at him, but remained attached to Buffy.

Willow and Tara got up and began to clear away their magic books, since there was obviously no need for them any more. Buffy and Dawn finally approached the table, where Spike was lying, looking incredibly beat up and doing a good impression of dead.

Buffy found that she couldn't say anything for a couple of minutes. All she could do was look at him, and think about everything he'd done for them recently. Finally she found her voice. "He saved you, huh?" she said to Dawn.

Dawn nodded. "Yep. Big on the saving. Jumped off a tower for me." She stopped, unable to keep up the lightness of her words. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

Buffy exhaled heavily. "I hope so. He was in a wheelchair for ages when I dropped an organ on his head, and the fall from the tower is so much worse than that. Plus that staking wound in his chest," she shuddered. "That was ugly."

They both jumped as Spike groaned. "I'm sorry my insides aren't attractive enough for you, pet."

Buffy spluttered for a minute, then got herself under control. "Oh my god. Spike, you just scared me half to death. Are you okay?"

Spike growled at her, and Dawn laughed. "Stupid question. Got it. Can you move?"

"I'd really rather not," he replied, and she could hear the pain in his voice.

"Sorry, evil dead," called Xander from behind the counter, "but you're taking up valuable table space."

"Sod off," muttered Spike.

Xander opened his mouth to reply, probably with another jibe, but he was forestalled when Giles entered the shop.

Buffy was hidden from his sight by one of the shelves, and he was almost to the table before he saw her. He almost jumped a foot when he realised that it was Buffy and Dawn standing almost right next to him. Spike laughed a bit, and he jumped again, having not yet noticed Spike was awake.

It took him a moment to gather himself together again. "Yes, well… good to see you're all okay-"

"Okay?" demanded Spike. "I'm not bloody okay!"

Giles cleared his throat. "All right, good to see you're all alive-"

"Alive? Hey, I'm not-"

Giles cut him off. "Fine, Spike. It's good to see you not unconscious. Buffy, Dawn, I'm very glad that you're both awake and alive," he smiled at them. "Good enough, Spike?"

Spike just grunted, and Giles continued. "Anyway, I know this might not be the best time for this news, but.." he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Buffy, but Ben didn't make it. I… I think he got hit by a falling piece of scaffolding or something when the vortex opened."

Buffy just nodded, and tried to work out what it was she was feeling. Ben had been a nice guy. It hadn't been his fault that he'd been bound to Glory. But with Ben dead, Glory was never coming back, and that did wonders for Buffy's sense of security. She never would have killed Ben herself, and she'd done everything she could to keep him alive, but… she couldn't help but feel relieved. She was sad, but she had to wonder if maybe it was better this way.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Giles asking her something. "Uh, sorry. I kind of spaced out for a minute there. What did you say?"

Giles gave her a reassuring smile. "I was just asking if you were okay."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, just thinking."

Spike spoke up. "Hey, Slayer? Do you think we could do something about getting me off this table?"

"We could use the wheelchair," suggested Dawn.

Willow nodded, and went to get it from where they left it in the training room. She returned a few seconds later, and wheeled the chair over to the table. They carefully lifted Spike off the table and into the wheelchair, trying to ignore his rather frequent protests about the pain. He actually passed out before they got him sitting properly, but considering the pain he was in it was probably a blessing.

"Do you mind if we head home now?" asked Buffy. "It's been a really long night."

Xander laughed. "Queen of the understatement."

Buffy scowled. "And you're King of the Idiots. What were you thinking pissing Glory off like that?"

Xander gave her a shaky smile. "That I wanted to have some fun before I died?"

"And was it fun?"

"It would have been if I wasn't so damn scared."

Buffy laughed. Hell, everyone was allowed to be afraid once in a while. 

****

End In the Light of Day

__

Well, there you have it. I hope that ending makes sense to people, because honestly, I had no idea how I was going to finish this thing. I know the last chapter moves pretty fast, but I thought you might all try and kill me if I didn't finish this soon, and I wanted to make it light, and not so 'oh my god, we all nearly died and Spike's a paraplegic again'. I mean, how many times have I almost killed Spike in this fic? Oh, and I want to thank everyone who reviewed and emailed me, 'cause it really helps when you know people actually want to read what you're writing.


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